~Monologue~
Cast: Nectar as herself

Dippy as Kathy Bates

 

Nectar: Thank you! I am proud to be the first Beanie Baby bird to host “Beanieday Night Live”! You know, when I was first released, people didn’t like me, but 21 days after my release I became the talk of the town. And now, I’m here, hosting BNL. A bird hasn’t joined the cast yet, but hopefully my appearance tonight will inspire all those birds to do comedy. You know, Beanie birds don’t sell much – that’s because people think we’re too cheap. Get it? If a bird starred in Dawson’s Creek the actor’s name would be James Van Der Beak. Got that one, too? And what about NBC… what’s the deal with that peacock? Why, of all the birds in the world, did they use a peacock as their logo? I mean, the network that brought us “Friends” and the new version of “Let’s Make a Deal” that got canceled uses a bird as their mascot, and not a camera or something? What’s the point of that bird? Things are supposed to mean something! Like Ty’s Beanies – why don’t us birds sell a lot? But why am I so big a seller? I make more appearances on eBay than Steve Martin makes at the Oscars!

Kathy Bates: Did someone say Oscars?

Nectar: Oh my god, it’s Kathy Bates from the Oscar-nominated movie “About Schmidt”! What are you doing in the chat room?

Kathy Bates: Just dropped in because I know how much you love movies with southern dames like me in them.

Nectar: I do, but why you and not the banned Confederate Flag Beanie?
Kathy Bates: I’m nominated for an Oscar.

Nectar: Okay then… what do you want to talk about?
Kathy Bates: Do you think I can beat all those belles from “Chicago”? I mean, them city girls can’t beat us dames from Tennessee.

Nectar: I think, quoting your character from “Misery”, they’re a bunch of cockadoodie dirty birds. Hmm, so am I.

Kathy Bates: Thanks. That was a big hit for me.

Nectar: Yeah. And I’m a bird, too, you know. Y’all did get that one, too?

Kathy Bates: Did you see “Fried Green Tomatoes”? That was a book, too.

Nectar: No. I can’t eat them, either. Look at my beak.

Kathy Bates: Well, anytime you’re in Tennessee, come drop by this old folks’ home I’m at most of the time. It’s okay.

Nectar: Well, whenever I’m free. Talk to you later, thanks for coming. Wow… okay, anyway, we’ve got a great chat for you tonight, ‘cause Gracie is here, so stick around! We’ll be right back!