~Secretman~
Cast: Bandito as Secretman/Clark Raccoon

Baby Girl as Lois Bear

Sly as Chris

Hodgepodge as Bone Phillips

Baby Boy as Lex Bluebear

Seadog as Mrs. Phillips

 

Announcer: Faster than a supercomputer… more powerful than a virus… able to spread news and rumors to the Beanie Babies community… it’s Secretman!

Secretman: Whenever Secretman is around, no one is safe, ‘cause I know a lot of things in the Beanie Babies community no one knows. And here’s a secret for you, Lois Bear… Happy birthday.

Lois Bear: Oh, Secretman, where in the world did you get me a Royal Blue Peanut?
Secretman: It’s counterfeit. I just painted over a light blue Peanut.

Lois Bear: Oh, Secretman, it’s a horrible gift. Can you get me something else?

Secretman: No.

 

Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Clark Raccoon’s job as a regular gossiper on the Ty Talk Cyberboard…

Clark Raccoon: Chris, who’s leading the Info Beanie polls?
Chris: Well, as of this time, in the lead is Groom in first and Lullaby in second.

Clark Raccoon: You know, I heard Dublin will win, but rumor has it Snocap is an odds-on favorite.

Chris: Really? What does Bride think?
Clark Raccoon: Bride thinks I’m still a nut. For Valentine’s Day she gave Groom a new tuxedo, but I thought she was going to give him a Volkswagen Beetle.

Chris: Yesterday you also predicted that I was going to have all 69 of my tattoos removed today, which I didn’t do.

Clark Raccoon: I also heard that you dated Bone Phillips’ wife.

Bone Phillips: Clark, thank you for telling me this. I got her a nice bone for our anniversary, and she’s dating a bear with so many tattoos I can’t beat him! Can I leave early so I can go cover myself in tattoos?

Clark Raccoon: There’s a parlor on the third floor. Come back in an hour.

Bone Phillips: Tonight’s top story: my wife is still my wife!

Chris: I hear everyone in the office saying, “I think Clark Raccoon is Secretman. He talks funny, he looks buff, and he exposes the truth.”

Clark Raccoon: Man, these people are nuts. I think I should go to a therapist.

Chris: Why?
Clark Raccoon: Because I think something’s troubling me.

Chris: Can I take an hour break too?
Clark Raccoon: Leave me alone.

 

Announcer: Meanwhile, Lois Bear and Bone Phillips are in trouble as Lex Bluebear robs the tattoo parlor.

Lex Bluebear: You two must tell me where Secretman is and why he smells like dirt or else, prepare to be tattooed… at high risk!
Bone Phillips: I will never! NBC and my wife need me!
Lois Bear: My Secretman will never fall for your dirty tricks, you ugly, ugly bear!
Lex Bluebear: Ugly, am I? I robbed this place so I can get a nice-looking tattoo.

Lois Bear: That’s a skull and crossbones tattoo.

Lex Bluebear: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now where’s Secretman?
Secretman: Right here.

Lex Bluebear: I captured your reporter friend and your girlfriend for you to take a look at one more time.

Lois Bear: I’m not his girlfriend!

Secretman: You know, who cares about girls when it comes to you? I heard you gave your girlfriend a horrible Valentine’s Day gift… a lit-out cigarette.

Lex Bluebear: Where did you hear that?
Secretman: Some guy named Chris. Now that I know it’s a fact, I’m going to post it on the Ty Talk Cyberboard.

Lex Bluebear: But then I can be arrested!

Secretman: I’ve got a dozen more secrets I can tell you. You want to hear more?
Lex Bluebear: No, no, NOOOO! STAY AWAY! AAH!
Secretman: He’ll be gone for a while.

 

Announcer: In the meantime…

Bone Phillips: Our top story tonight, I, Bone Phillips, had just been rescued from the hostile villain Lex Bluebear, who kidnapped a girl and me in a tattoo parlor.

Chris: Clark, what a courageous reporter.

Clark Raccoon: Please, I’m trying to hear this.

Bone Phillips: But, who is this Secretman? How is he so smart and who is he for real?

Mrs. Phillips: He’s my hero! He saved my beautiful son! Give Mommy a kiss!
Bone Phillips: Why are you here? I’m on the air! I’ll give you a kiss later.
Announcer: The day has been saved again, by… Secretman.