~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself
Woody as Punx-E Phil
Bandito as Bill Murray
Carnation as herself
Rusty as Red Goat
Seadog: Good evening, I’m
Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:
News from Birmingham: Our rivals at Chubbley have
unveiled new bunnies, a dog, a cat, a monkey, and a dragon at the NEC Spring
Fair. Chubbley is so big right now that they plan on going to McDonald’s to
give out Teenie Chubblies.
Hayley from the website Beanzaddiction had gotten
the chance to meet Ty Warner at the NEC Fair, which gave Ty fans the last
chance to meet him until he starts appearing in public wearing wigs.
Also, unveiled at the fair were Ty carry-on bags available for retailers to order. The bags can hold up to 3 Beanie Babies and a million eans. Which is your better bet? Chop up your Beanies ‘cause I choose the beans!
Rumor has it Ty will be appearing at the New York
Toy Fair tomorrow to sign a new 10th anniversary Beanie bear. The
bear will be called, “My Diary by Ty Warner”.
It was revealed this week the April 2003 Beanie of the Month will be Buttercream the yellow bunny. In my opinion, this bunny will have to shave after its month ends.
This week Groundhog Day has had weather lovers and Beanie fans consumed, as Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow. While many Pennsylvanians disagree with this, the groundhog has spoken. Here with final arguments are “Groundhog Day” star Bill Murray and Beanie Baby Punxsutawn-E Phil.
Punx-E Phil: Greetings!
Bill Murray: Thank you,
Seadog.
Seadog: Phil, we’ll start with
you. At your 117th Groundhog Day celebration, you saw your shadow.
What do you have to say about that?
Punx-E Phil: What’s done is done, Seadog. I believe that the groundhogs
have the final say in Mother Nature’s decision to make it warm or cold.
Seadog: Good point. Mr. Murray,
any argument?
Bill Murray: Six more weeks of
winter? WHY? The other groundhogs didn’t see their shadows, and it was 33
degrees out there in Punxsutawney! Why should we have six more weeks of winter
just because of that stupid groundhog?
Punx-E Phil: Hey, don’t call me stupid! If it weren’t for your movie I
wouldn’t be popular!
Bill Murray: It’s your fault I had to hear “I Got You Babe” ten thousand
times a day!
Punx-E Phil: You’re a dum-dum.
Seadog: Do you two have to
fight? I said you could argue, not fight.
Bill Murray: My argument is a
million pages long!
Punx-E Phil: He’s arguing with me about my argument!
Bill Murray: That’s what I’m supposed to do!
Seadog: SHUT UP ALREADY! Bill Murray and Punxsutawn-E Phil, everybody!
The new Hallmark exclusive Beanie Baby will be
called Yours Truly, and special retailers, according to the rumor, may get
something else. Right now, they are considering… more shelfsitters.
Earlier this week Ty had decorated the Ty Store
for Valentine’s Day. Ty said he needed to decorate so he could clean up
Babe-E’s unpleasant odors.
This week, a Carnation Beanie Baby was reported
with an error in the poem reading “image that” instead of “imagine that”. Here
now with a commentary is Carnation.
Carnation: Don’t buy it!
Seadog: Carnation, everybody!
Ty retired Canada exclusive bear Kanata on Tuesday. Now retired, Kanata can finally afford Liberty Medical Supplies. Check your Beanie Baby shelf, and you check it often!
The UK TV soap opera “Coronation Street” featured
a Gobbles Beanie Buddy in one of the scenes from the show. It seems the subplot
of the show was that Gobbles the Buddy wanted to know who was the biological father
of Turk-E.
As a birthday gift, Beanie community members sent
Laura, Webmaster of Peacie Dot Com, a priceless Pinky Beanie Baby without wings
and a Peace symbol on the chest. When it’s my birthday, here’s the kind of
Beanie I would like: Peace the DOG! July 22’s coming soon, folks.
Also, last week during the segment I played a
Pepsi commercial with Santa Claus and Sandra Bullock. Well, Gabrielle Union
from “Deliver Us From Eva” just boycotted the drink, saying having her not
appear in the commercial is offensive because she and Sandra are no less
boring.
Another big event this week was the beginning of
the Chinese New Year on Wednesday. Since 2003 is the year of the goat, here
with a commentary on how proud he feels is the genetic mutation, The Red Goat.
Red Goat: Thank you… baa! Thank
you, Seadog. As you might know, I’m a genetic mutation and I have not yet been
able to go back to my normal color after that crazy Farmer Lewis mutated me and
changed my DNA with a lobster’s. Can you please help me?
Seadog: We’re supposed to be talking about the Chinese New Year. Have
you gone to any of those celebrations?
Red Goat: I’m sorry, but… baa! I’m sorry, but I never went to those
celebrations. I needed to stop Farmer Lewis from mutating other animals. That
guy is crazy! He made me run 300 miles just because I said I wanted to go to
the Chinese New Year Parade! I can’t wait until the Purple Monkey is
disappointed when he can’t attend next year’s celebrations!
Seadog: Do you really live like this?
Red Goat: Actually, I… baa! Actually, I used to be a normal goat until I
was sold to Farmer Lewis.
Seadog: What’s the big deal
about Farmer Lewis?
Red Goat: You’re a newsman. You probably heard of this. He’s the… baa!
He’s the Mutation Menace. He loves changing colors of animals and letting them
suffer through it. Did you hear of the mass mutation in 1996? He mutated about
1,000 animals. There’s a nice lemon-colored hippo living in a zoo somewhere.
Seadog: And am I expected to
believe this?
Red Goat: No.
Seadog: Good. Well, do you have
any New Year’s resolutions this Chinese New Year?
Red Goat: Get off that farm and be the next Brad Pitt.
Seadog: I doubt that.
Red Goat: For a… baa! For a goat,
I’ve had some rough times. I eat garbage every day.
Seadog: How about that? The Red
Goat, everybody! The Red Goat!
Red Goat: Thank… baa! Thank you!
Seadog: That’s the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.