~Scat and the Cats~

Cast: Scat as Scat Cat

Carnation as Fast Cat

Rusty as Fat Cat

Dippy as Ella

Woody as Dave

 

Scat Cat: That was one zip-zap-zoobiddy-boobidy-fantastic performance! Being in a touring swing revival group has always been my dream, and well, I just can’t make a fool out of myself, so I’m shutting up.

Fast Cat: Yeah, I lo-lo-love it as much as you do.

Fat Cat: Can we stop someplace to eat? Please?
Scat Cat: I don’t think so.

Fast Cat: Don’t you think of anything else besides food?

Scat Cat: I hope he finds a fab-bab-booby-dooby fabulous place to eat, ‘cause I am starving, too!
Fast Cat: I am so hooper dooper sick of this.

Fat Cat: I wanted to work for the government.

Scat Cat: Well, sorry, Fat Cat, you’re here.

Fat Cat: Scat Cat, why do I have to be the fat cat?
Scat Cat: I couldn’t think of any other things that rhymed with cat.

Fast Cat: “Fast” doesn’t rhyme with “cat”.

Scat Cat: My group, my rules. It’s Scat and the Cats, not Fast and the Cats. Now, let’s go find a place to eat.

(The cats stop at The Giant Cow)
Ella: Welcome to the Giant Cow. I’m your waitress Ella. What would you cats like to eat today?
Scat Cat: Um, I’ll have the pork steak.

Ella: How rare would you like it?
Scat Cat: As rare as Royal Blue Peanut.

Ella: And, for you, pinko?

Fast Cat: I’m Fast Cat, madam. I’ll have the blue plate special, a blue plate.

Ella: Would you like grease with that?
Fast Cat: No, thank you.

Ella: And, for you, Tubby?

Fat Cat: I’m not fat; I’m big-boned! I’ll take a tuna sandwich with extra teeth.

Ella: And, for your vegetable?
Fat Cat: Anything that doesn’t begin with “s”.

Ella: Okay, how about corn?
Fat Cat: Excellent.

Scat Cat: Hmm, this restaurant has a jukebox… let’s see if it plays our songs.

Fast Cat: Elvis… Elvis… Elvis… Beatles… Elvis… wow, a lot of Elvis. I don’t see our stuff in there.

Fat Cat: No “Fat Blues” or “Fast Cars”?

Scat Cat: Not even “Stray Cat Strut”?

Fast Cat: Nothin’.

Scat Cat: Um, Ella, I just wanted to ask you, but who runs the whole music thing here? You know, like who says what will be on the jukebox?
Ella: Jukebox came with the building. You gotta ask the landlord.

Fast Cat: Do you know where he is?
Ella: He works as busboy here.

Fat Cat: Um, are you a busboy?
Dave: Yeah. My name is Dave.

Fast Cat: Do you own this place?
Dave: Possibly.

Scat Cat: Do you tell what songs get played on the jukebox?
Dave: I’m your man.
Scat Cat: Why don’t you include Scat and the Cats?

Dave: Who?
Scat Cat: Scat and the Cats.

Fast Cat: Or, in English: us.

Dave: Why don’t you play us a song before I decide?
Scat Cat: Well, I wasn’t ready for this, but I think we got some good stuff.

Dave: Sure.

Scat Cat: “Stray Cat Strut”, 1, 2, 3:

(swing music plays)
All: “Stray cat strut!
Fat Cat: We alley cats look fat

Fast Cat: We alley cats sound fast

Scat Cat: We alley cats always scat

The stray cat strut’s not a thing of the past

All: Stray cat strut!

Scat: And a scat and a scat and a scat and a scat and a

All: Stray cat strut!”

 

Dave: What the hell was that?
Fat Cat: “Stray Cat Strut”.

Scat Cat: Number one on the Billboard charts for 3 weeks in January 1920.

Dave: Get outta here, you alley cats!
Fast Cat: Don’t you like our music?
Dave: Your music couldn’t win a karaoke contest.

Scat Cat: Ah, that’s okay. We’ll go eat someplace else and play some other palace. After all, we’re Scat and the Cats, the most be-bop-a-loo-bop swing band in America!