~Monologue~

Cast: Scat as herself

Scat: Thank you! I am the first cat to host “Beanieday Night Live”! I haven’t been doing much lately, since I’m a retired cat who’s been common for so long she can’t stop. Well, all I’ve done lately was lie around a house drinking milk and making litter. Hope I wasn’t too graphic. Um, lately I’ve been working on a little comedy and all, and so I thought I’d come here and try it out. I mean, since I got the role of host here tonight, everyone’s been making a big deal out of it. I mean, my name up in lights: “Common Beanie Hosts Legendary Chat Series!” Not really legendary, this is only the fourth one so far. But it’s still great to be here. I wrote a lot of the material myself, but some of it was written with the help of Carnation the cat, who’s in this cast right now and is really a big impact on me. I mean, she’s so funny she’s got a dollar sign on the hologram of her tush tag. Don’t blame me for it; she’s damn good. I’m sitting at home drinking Aquafina and eating canned cat food from some jerk who’s too cheap to make me a steak. Carnation does the Catty Couric thing, “Why do you do that? The viewers should do this!” It’s good to see she likes me and I like her. Let’s keep it that way. Now, it’s getting a little late now, I think I’ll sleep now. (makes loud snoring noises) Glug, glug, glug… ah, it’s boring. We’ve got a great chat tonight coming up. We’ll be right back.