~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself

Dippy as Mary Beth Sobolewski

Dublin as kid

Smitten as Santa

Peace as Sandra Bullock

 

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:

 

When Ty Warner gave his State of the Beanies Address on Tuesday, he said he would do what he can to try to stop the Chubbley Bears from attacking us. Ty also said that if we win the war, he would like to buy Chubbley’s house.

 

Beanie collector Marc Hollin ordered two Kiss-E Beanie Babies but ended up with one and was billed for two. This error from the Ty Corporation is so stupid, that Ty has responded by now letting all Kiss-E Beanie Babies reproduce by budding.

 

This week, a collector received a Kiss-E Beanie Baby with a tri-colored ribbon and changes to an orange color when placed into light, which explains why by night he is called… I-Am-Red-But-Now-Orange-Beanie Baby-Man.

 

One of the new Teenie Beanie Boppers released for February is called Chillin’ Charlie. Come on, Ty. Do you want to set a bad example on collectors? Chillin’, as in gangsters hanging out? Charlie, as in Charlie Sheen? You’re teaching kids about pimps!

 

In Brick, New Jersey, a Shop-Rite store was selling pastel Peace bears, Goldies, Ted-es, light blue Peanuts, and many other now hard-to-find Beanies. Hopes to god these are not counterfeits, but if they were, you’d find them at Shop-Wrong.

 

Much complaining about the Pompey bear this week, as those who ordered Pompey for $41 each are complaining over low secondary market prices due to multiples purchased by other collectors. These collectors will soon be bankrupt and will be forced to give their Pompeys to their girlfriends.

 

Bride beat Sidekick for the February 2003 Info Beanie, but earlier this morning Pegasus appeared on the screen instead of Bride. Seems Ty had wanted to pronounce Pegasus winner and Bride loser.

 

To start National Book Month, Whittier, California preschool students brought teddy bears to school and had them ride around in parade floats, while in a related story, Tokyo preschool students watched Yu-Gi-Oh to celebrate Fad Month.

 

A British retailer recently branded “UK” on a bean inside a Britannia Beanie Baby when he cut the Beanie up to see if the beans were counterfeit. It is now – beans shouldn’t have writing on them.

 

Recently, it was discovered that items from Mary Beth Sobolewski, the former editor-in-chief of the Beanie magazine Bean Bag World, was selling some items from her personal collection on eBay. Here now to comment on this is Mary Beth Sobolewski.

Mary Beth: Hi! Thank you, Seadog! I really am happy to be here!
Seadog: So, MB, why are you putting your items up for auction?
Mary Beth: Well, the magazine declined, and I’m just not thrilled with dead-end jobs. I mean, it’s stressful enough taking care of kids. I need money and I need it by selling some of my collectibles. I’d sell everything, but everything’s just so good! I don’t know if these will be worth anything in the future, but only Ty tells us to expect the unexpected! But, I hate to brag, and I will: my collectibles are better than everyone else’s. I don’t scam. I don’t cheat. I tell the truth. The truth is, I quit my magazine because I wanted to have fun, go to parties, and get drunk off my Beanie butt… I can’t do that when I have to set a good role model for Beanie collectors! Did Ty 2K have an embroidered alcoholic champagne glass? No! I wanted one, but Ty said, “It’s a children’s plush toy.” Who cares what the children think?
Seadog: Are you drunk right now?
Mary Beth: Yes! The children don’t want me to sing on live chats, but I don’t care! Come on; sing with me! “I blah blah blah and having fun, I don’t know why I blah blah come…”

Seadog: I should get Ty to come in here and give you a sobriety test. That’s the third time a drunk came in singing Norah Jones on camera.

Mary Beth: You’re a great Beanie! Can I add you to my collection, by, let’s say, get married?
Seadog: Gross. Anyway, good luck on eBay.

Mary Beth: You can’t prove it’s good luck!
Seadog: You’re right.

Mary Beth: You can’t prove you’re right!
Seadog: Mary Beth, everybody! Mary Beth Sobolewski!

 

In other news, to Jamie Rubin, columnist of the Bean Scene, I was too little too late to enter your Writer’s Block contest at Itzmeagain’s website. Here is my live video entry if you are here tonight:

 

(show clip of scene from card as Pepsi commercial)

Kid: What about me? Where are my presents?
Santa: This isn’t a Pepsi; it’s a Pepsi Twist. And I’m not Santa Claus… (pulls on himself and unzips to reveal he’s Sandra Bullock) I’m Sandra Bullock!

Kid: NOOOOO!

 

Seadog: I know I lost, but if you were watching, I hope you liked it.

 

And finally tonight, TBZ and “Beanieday Night Live” would like to have a moment of silence for the courageous astronauts who died this morning on the Columbia spacecraft, which broke down today before it landed.

 

Thank you. That’s the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.