~The Red Goat~

Rusty as Red Goat

Carnation as Pink Cow

Hodgepodge as Farmer Lewis

Peace as Color Goat

 

Announcer: On a farm somewhere far away, a farmer created mutant farm animals by mixing their DNA with that of other animals. He mixed a goat’s with a lobster’s and they changed colors, which was when this goat became… “The Red Goat”. Tonight’s episode: “Three Silly Goat Gruff”.

Red Goat: Baa! It’s been six long years since my painful mutation. I became red when… Baa! I became red when that horrible Farmer Lewis came and gave me a lobster to eat for dinner. He made me stand in front of a hot, hot light with the lobster while I ate it, and then I went to sleep, and the moment I wake up, I’m red!
Pink Cow: Well, my story’s just as similar as yours. I… moo! I became a pink cow when I was forced to stand in front of light while eating ham. I’m not even supposed to eat ham. It’s against my religion.

Red Goat: If I could just… baa! If I could just talk to Farmer Lewis about why he does this stupid experimental junk, I’d get him to finally understand that mutating Beanies is bad.

Pink Cow: I think I have bean cancer.

Farmer Lewis: All right, all right. Time for you farm animals to go to sleep now. Mutants need lots of sleep.

Red Goat: You know, mutant animals talk, sir.

Farmer Lewis: I know that. If you were gray, we wouldn’t be having this talk right now.

Pink Cow: And if my udders weren’t white, I wouldn’t make pink milk.

Farmer Lewis: Now, you two eat this corn.

Red Goat: But it’s blue.

Farmer Lewis: I know corn’s supposed to be yellow, but I added in a secret ingredient… detergent.

Pink Cow: I’m not eating that.

Farmer Lewis: Dagnabbit, you’ll eat it, or my name ain’t Farmer Lewis!

Color Goat: Are you Red Goat?
Red Goat: Yeah.

Color Goat: I’m Color Goat. That sick Farmer Lewis made me eat my own ty-dye shirts that I liked to sell for profit and now I am what I eat.

Pink Cow: You look like a shirt.

Color Goat: Yeah… baa! Yeah, I know. Now, do you know how to stop that Farmer Lewis?
Red Goat: I don’t know, but farmers won’t like New Yorkers. They hate their guts. They don’t understand city life.

Color Goat: Perfect! I’ll go get some.

Red Goat: Color Goat, what the heck?
Color Goat: What? I thought you said you wanted New Yorkers.

Red Goat: Not New Yorker, the magazine, New Yorkers, the people! People who talk like this… “Forget about it, pizza man.”

Color Goat: Oh…

Pink Cow: Well, let’s try it. Hey, Farmer Lewis, come in here!

Farmer Lewis: What? Shouldn’t y’all be eating your detergent corn?

Color Goat: Why don’t you read these if you get bored?

Farmer Lewis: Don’t mind if I do. These seem good… talk. Talk. Talk. Cartoon. Talk. WHERE DID YOU YOUNG’UNS GET THIS?
Red Goat: New York?
Farmer Lewis: You animals are so sick! No wonder why you’re mutants!
Pink Cow: Because of you!
Farmer Lewis: I see. Well, I need to go back to the barn and think of your punishment.

Red Goat: Well, it’s… baa! Well, it’s off to a freak show for you and me.

Announcer: Farmer Lewis wasn’t stopped, and so, this goat will remain… “The Red Goat”.

Red Goat: I’m so… baa! I’m so angry right now.