~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself
Muddy as Oceandog
Mother as herself
Pappa as himself
Bo as himself
Seadog: Good evening, I’m
Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:
The new Beanie Babies for July, as read in the new
issue of Ty’s Beanies and More, are three trade show exclusives: Toast, Fizz,
and Bubbly, plus 2003 Signature Bear, Blessed the winged white bear, Frosty the
white bull, Fidget the dog, L’amore the poodle, and Rumba the tiger. Wait a
minute, three trade show exclusives? 2003 Signature? White Beanies? That’s a
recipe for disaster!
The magazine also says there will be a White the
bear Ty Store exclusive, after a rumor broke out on Ty Talk. Just like Red and
Blue, it’s patriotic, fun, and if you want it, it’s fifteen dollars.
Also a Ty Store exclusive: Amigo the German
shepherd. Don’t care, moving on.
A site called The Toylet said earlier this week
that the Billionaire 6 Beanie Baby will be given out at their July 4th
picnic. That’s a nice gift for the picnic – at our picnic, all we have is oats.
The Bean Watcher reported that the Portsmouth
Football Club may be giving out another exclusive, Premier, after the success
of Pompey last year. Order now before they lose their shipments to the opposing
team.
And now, with a look at this week’s headlines is
my cousin, Oceandog.
Oceandog: Hello, I’m Oceandog,
and here are the week’s headlines:
“Three trade show exclusive bears liked by few.”
“2003 Signature Bear is a fake.”
“White the bear arrested for impersonating Uncle
Sam.”
“The Billionaire 6 Beanie Baby worth more than J.
Lo’s rear end.”
“New PFC exclusive Premier will be bigger than
Pompey and better than anything else.”
“Drew Barrymore has a crush on Oceandog.”
And that’s the news, ‘cause it’s short!
Seadog: Oceandog, everybody!
Oceandog: Thank you!
Seadog: Drew Barrymore? Why
doesn’t Lucy Liu like me? Anyway…
In Ask Ty this week, Ty revealed he finds his
Beanie Babies at retail, just like everybody else. At retail, it’s also
surprising to see the retailer’s response – “You look familiar… are you some
kind of celebrity or something?” and “Hey, I know you! You’re that jerk who
makes Beanie Babies!”
A rumor got out this week that Ty will no longer
ship Beanies to Canada due to the extra tush tag being an extra expense. You
think it’s expensive putting it on? I paid a hundred thousand to get mine
removed. Yes – I’m from Newfoundland, so, yeah, that is Canada.
Lisa from Planet Beans is looking for “Finding
Nemo” toys from McDonald’s for her son Brandon. In a similar report, O.J.
Simpson wants “Terminator” toys for his kids.
The Santa Barbara News-Press reported that Ty may
have overpaid for the Sandpiper Golf Course. Well, he doesn’t overpay for
everything. We’re worth $5.99 and he makes us out of cheap fabric you can get
at Walgreens.
The Blue Beanie Baby was shipped this week,
wrapped in a red, white, and blue design tissue paper. It looks like Ty’s
giving out ideas for retailers to hide their hard to find Beanies in tissue
paper…
As the month of June wraps up, which is known for being the month where the most people get married, we look upon some great couples that have gotten married this month. Here now to talk about their second anniversary are our own Mother and Pappa.
Mother: Thank you, Seadog.
Pappa: Thanks.
Seadog: So, the second
anniversary is traditionally known as the cotton anniversary. Did you do
anything to honor that tradition?
Mother: Well, I know the preferred gift on a cotton anniversary is
cotton roses, but Pappa did something even better for me!
Pappa: I bought a bunch of cotton balls and glued them onto a
Mercedes-Benz.
Mother: And it was very
expensive!
Seadog: But since then, how has your lives changed?
Mother: Oh, mine hasn’t changed a bit. Pappa loves me more and more
every day.
Pappa: Only problem is, people
laugh at my car now. They call it the bunny. People always say, “Why don’t you
teach your car to hop?” or they give me carrots. I don’t like carrots. Neither
does she.
Mother: I know why they give
you carrots, because of the stereotype…
Pappa: Yeah, cause they make
all the rabbits in the movies and on TV like carrots. Shame on you, Bugs Bunny.
Seadog: Thanks for coming in to
tell us your experiences. What have you got planned for your third anniversary,
the leather anniversary?
Mother: Nothing. We don’t like leather because they make it out of
animals.
Pappa: So we’re just going to
go to the Gap and buy each other nice clothes.
Seadog: Sounds nice. Mother and
Pappa, everybody!
And finally, tonight, Ty has not announced any
retirements for the end of June yet, and I think he wants to trick us and
retire Beanies on Monday. And I know there will be layoffs after retirements to
fill room for the Dallas Beanies, and in case I am one of them to go, I would
like to say a few words that I have yet to say on the air: I like to be honest
with myself, but when I look in the mirror at myself each day, I always try to
convince myself I have always been the same. Therefore, I would like to admit…
Bo: Seadog, it’s me, Bo.
Seadog: Bo, why did they put
you in for the end?
Bo: They needed to put me in a sketch before every other part was
filled. Anyway, we gotta go run away. The cops are after me and I want you to
take me to the bar and help me hide.
Seadog: Hide you in a bar? But…
Bo: Come on already!
Seadog: I guess I can save my words for Barbara Walters. Well, that’s
the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.