~Toy Report~
Cast: Fancy as Kitty

Bo as Dally

Mystic as Conan

Sport as Lamore

Mother as Dally’s mother

 

Kitty: Hi, kids! Welcome to Toy Report! I’m Kitty, and this is my mean brother Dally!
Dally: Hi, idiot.

Kitty: Why do you have to be such a pain?
Dally: Because I am one.

Kitty: You also have to stop stealing my toys! Speaking of toys, one of the most heated discussions recently has been these gift shows and what’s gonna happen.

Dally: You know what’s gonna happen? Nothin’. These toy jerks don’t know what they’re makin’ anymore.

Kitty: Dally, you little runt, stop and talk to our guest already!
Dally: Whatever. Annoying little sisters. Anyway, let’s meet our first guest, one of the rejected Beanies to be released at this weekend’s gift shows, Conan the unicorn.

Conan: Hi, Kitty. Hi, Dally. Love the show here. Big fan.

Kitty: Well, would you like some tea?
Conan: Um, no. My stomach’s feeling a little…

Dally: Nobody offers tea to talk show guests anymore. You’re living in ancient times, dork.

Kitty: Why don’t you play with your Sammy Sosa action figure? Teach him how to cork a bat.

Dally: Why don’t you play with your Demi Moore doll? Take her clothes off in front of your Ashton Kutcher pictures.

Conan: I caught you guys at a bad time. Anyway, about this gift show. Ty is releasing a show exclusive. I begged and pleaded in front of Ty, “Mr. Ty, can you please make me a show exclusive? I’m ever so rare!” And then Ty said, “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I’m so rich and powerful, and everyone likes the bears, so it’s a bear.” I HATE HIS BEARS! I’m so jealous since I’m a unicorn! I saw too many Charmers being made in production and not too many happy campers! Why are they even making her into a Beanie Buddy?

Kitty: Because unicorns are so darn cute!
Dally: Not like you.

Kitty: Not like you, either. You are so ugly, with your pimply face and your yellow teeth…

Dally: I’m lazy. What can you do?

Conan: Anyway, then when it came to deciding which Beanies would be released, Ty chose a bunch of ugly-looking fools! I’m single, honest, and real as heck! If any plush companies want me, take me – I’m yours!
Dally: If you mean it.

Kitty: You treat women like objects like I don’t care.

Dally: You treat objects like women.

Kitty: Are you saying I’m a lesbian?
Dally: I… well, I don’t know.

Conan: You act like babies… Beanie Babies.

Kitty: Which reminds me, let’s hear another side of the story. Here is our next guest, one of the new Beanies unveiled at the Dallas gift show, please welcome Lamore the poodle.

Lamore: Thank you, Kitty and Dally. Hello, precious unicorn.

Conan: Bite me.

Lamore: When I get the chance.

Kitty: Now, Lamore, according to your website, you feel so happy about becoming an official Beanie Baby, you want to kiss all the female Beanie Babies’ feet and tell them you love them?
Lamore: Sure. It’s tradition. (kisses Kitty’s feet) I love you, I love you, I love you.
Conan: How come I don’t get a kiss?
Kitty: Because you’re a guest.

Dally: Come on, you boring sister! Let him kiss!
Kitty: I’m trying to be polite!

Dally: Well, being polite sucks!
Lamore: Um… should I talk to my master about this or should I call the police?

Conan: Hey, talk to their parents. They shouldn’t be doing a show like this, where they fight all the time.

Kitty: Hey, don’t talk to my parents!
Dally: That’s not going to convince them, Kitty! You have to push them, beat them up!
Kitty: I don’t think like you, you stupid brother!

Dally’s mother: Dally, Kitty! Stop fighting! You two are going to be in very, very big trouble when I rip up those Beanies of yours…

Conan: I knew I should have left.

Dally’s mother: You’re going to wish you never took up Beanie collecting and doing a…

Kitty: This has been “Toy Report”. I’m Kitty. That’s Dally. See you when we aren’t grounded.

Dally’s mother: …where you talk to animals and a bunch of bull where you…