~Charlie’s Kittens: Full Litter Box~
Cast: Muddy as McDog

Carnation as Nip Cook

Frisco as Dylan Silvers

Fancy as Flip Munday

Pappa as Charlie/John Forsythe

Decade as Bosley’s brother

Neon as Madison Sea

Bo as Thin Dog

Baby Girl as Pink the bear

 

Announcer: Action… comedy… sexy cats… “Charlie’s Kittens: Full Litter Box”. Featuring Cat-eron Diaz as Nip Cook, Drew Felinemore as Dylan Silvers, and Lucy I-Don’t-Know-What-Cat-Name-Rhymes-With-Lucy Liu as Flip Munday.

McDog: Hello, I’m McDog, the director of “Charlie’s Kittens: Full Litter Box”. The original “Charlie’s Kittens” film, directed by me, based on the TV series of the same name was a box office success, and because of that, I directed this lame sequel. All it is basically is 20 minutes of “Good morning Charlie!” and 110 minutes of the cats doing karate. Sequels today are no doubt considered lame. Except for “Star Wars” and “The Godfather”. For those of you who want to get a first glimpse of the new movie before it hits theaters June 27, stay tuned. For those who are saying, “This movie sucks”, change the channel now.

(fade to preview)

Dylan Silvers: You’ve gotten so pink, Nip. What happened?
Nip Cook: I wanted to go for a new look. Gold really isn’t my fashion anymore.

Dylan Silvers: I’m getting a little sick of gray, too.

Charlie: Good merning, angels.

McDog: CUT! It’s “Good morning, angels”, John!
John Forsythe: Why can’t I go to sleep now? I really hate doing this movie. It’s worse than the first time.

McDog: What do you think I’m paying you for?
Charlie: I’m getting too old. Good morning, angels.

Flip Munday: You know, we’re kittens.

Charlie: Yeah, but I have to stay in character. Anyway, five Beanie Babies on my witness relocation database have been stolen, and I need you three to find out who’s doing this. We’re putting Bosley’s brother in to help you because, um, I don’t know.

(back to studio)

McDog: I have to agree with 40 percent of the viewers that this is the worst piece of crap I’ve ever made. Watch this scene of Bosley’s brother introducing himself, played by the wildly hilarious Bernard Mac. Oh, it’s Bernie Mac? And he’s not really hilarious? You’re fired, Mr. Cue Card Man!

(fade to preview)

Bosley’s brother: Hey, what’s goin’ on, kittens?

Flip Munday: If you aren’t Bosley’s brother, not much.

Nip Cook: What do we have to do here with this assignment?

Bosley’s brother: Hmm, if I don’t have to entertain anybody tonight, it’s gonna be a lot of hard work.

Dylan Silvers: I expected that. Work isn’t easy.

Bosley’s brother: Well, I can make it easy. Look, it’s Brad Pitt!
Dylan/Flip/Nip: Where?
Bosley’s brother: Ha-ha! (runs away)

Dylan Silvers: So, what are we going to do about those Beanies?
Nip Cook: I don’t know. If he doesn’t come back, let’s dress up like the Pussycat Dogs.

Flip Munday: No. It’s got to be trailer-friendly.

Nip Cook: It is, it is. But –

Bosley’s brother: Okay, I’m back. I got the word from Charlie that I’m supposed to help you. I didn’t know that until he threatened to cut my salary. Now, what are we supposed to do?
Nip Cook: Check out a bunch of crime scenes where it’s suspected someone stole five Beanie Babies.

Bosley’s brother: Then why are we wasting precious time? Time is as precious as you fine, lovely ladies.

Dylan Silvers: Thank you.

Bosley’s brother: Now back up that booty!

Dylan Silvers: Moron.

(back to stage)
McDog: In the movie, a fallen kitten will appear as an evil agent teaming up with the kittens’ nemesis, the Thin Dog. Here’s a preview of the much-anticipated scene.

(fade to preview)

Madison Sea: I am Madison Sea, and I used to work for your precious agency. But I couldn’t take the respect I had to give… “Good morning, Charlie!” “I should do only good things, like acting like a sex case!”

Dylan Silvers: What did you do?
Thin Dog: Um, nothing. We just stole a few stuffed toys.

Flip Munday: The only thing we’re going to stuff are your behinds when we lock you two up for life.

Madison Sea: Now, what part of that should I laugh at?

Thin Dog: No time for laughing. Just hurl these dog bones at them.

Nip Cook: Let’s ride.

Dylan Silvers: But those commercials are so fake. We don’t have any vehicles we can ride around on. We just have ourselves.

Nip Cook: I hate this crime-solving thing we always have to do.

Thin Dog: You’ll never win, kittens!
Madison Sea: You can never run away from the Thin Dog!

(back to stage)
McDog: Now, we’d love to show the whole preview, but I don’t want to give away the ending. Oh, wait a minute, I did. Anyway, check out this scene where pop singer Pink the bear makes a cameo.

(fade to preview)
Pink the bear: (singing) “I’m… coming out, so you better kill that stinkin’ Thin Dog!
I’m… coming out, so you better kill that stinkin’ Thin Dog!

Better kill that Thin Dog and Madison Sea,
I can’t write my own songs, people write them for me,

I’m Pink the bear but my hair is really black,

Better get the Beanies from that Thin Dog’s sack.”

Nip Cook: Thanks for the advice, Pink the bear.

Pink the bear: Oh, no biggie. “I’m… coming out, so you better kill that stinkin’ Thin Dog!

“I’m… coming out, so you better kill that stinkin’ Thin Dog!”

McDog: “Charlie’s Kittens: Full Litter Box”: the movie’s so bad, it deserves to go down the litter box. I’m McDog. My show “Fastlane” is canceled. I direct bad movies. Good night.