~Weekend Update with Seadog~

Cast: Seadog as himself

Decade as himself

Mother as herself

Dublin as himself

Smitten as herself

Dippy as Leah Dorfman

 

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog. Here are tonight’s top stories:

The Australia HERO bear went on sale at the Ty Store on Tuesday and sold out the next day. So first we get “Crocodile Dundee”, “Neighbours”, and Men At Work, and now an Australian HERO bear? I’m getting sick of hearing about this bear. He was on that Night of Too Many Stars benefit – he stunk up the house, too, and I went to see “Finding Nemo” today – he had a cameo role as the guy who says “Welcome to Australia, you stinkin’ fish”. Now, as of today, HERO is still current and no newsflash or anything indicates it is retired. That’s because we don’t even know how old he is. HERO is like a year old in human years, sort of 20-ish in bear years or something. I don’t see twenty, thirty-somethings in retirement homes. They’re either at the beach, at a skate park, or college. And I’d love to see a bear playing volleyball or hanging out with Tony Hawk any day. I would love that very much. But they can’t do that. They also can’t study the Constitution. I wish bears could do all that stuff, but they can’t. Unless – unless they were on that funny animal show on the Animal Planet channel… got to love that show. Watch that every day. I actually copy my punch lines from the animals. All right, moving on…

 

In addition to new Beanies, Buddies, and Plush, two new Teenie Beanie Boppers were unveiled on Ty’s site on Thursday: Private Pete and Sailor Sam. Also, stay tuned when Ty gets sued for the upcoming Private Ryan and Sailor Moon Teenie Beanie Boppers.

 

On Monday two quotes were selected for Quote of the Day on Ty’s home page. The quotes were “Ty should retire more Beanies” and “More Beanies, less money”. This goes to show you the fans are as greedy as the toy maker.

 

Last week the blue version of Decade was retired, which means after this month you won’t be seeing him in blue anymore…

Decade: Hey, guys. Because I retired I still get to stay in the cast, but I got this rad makeover. Look at me, I’m royal blue! How cool is that?

Seadog: Wow. So, you did ship as royal blue already?

Decade: Yeah. And, I just wanted to read your punchline I interrupted…

Seadog: Actually, no, don’t read that…

Decade: “The change will prove that…

Seadog: NOOOO!
Decade: “…that Decade lasts too…

(technical difficulties graphic appears)
Announcer: Please stand by. Decade’s commentary has been interrupted. We now go back.

Decade: Long as a current!
Seadog: Get out of here! Decade, everybody!

                                  

The new Sherbet trio have a different poem and birthday than the original trio. Another difference that can be pointed out is that the new Sherbet trio includes lilac, hot pink, and baby blue, and the old Sherbet trio is now annoying us by appearing in commercials for Tropical Sprite Remix.

 

An authenticated Thank You Bear is being raffled off at Planet Beans to help the donor’s sick cat. Good thing she’s only giving away one or else she’d get a million You’re Welcome bears. People are just too polite. Yeah, I know that was bad…

 

Ty has sent out e-mails promoting the MC Beanie II Beanie Baby. The reason for e-mail promoting, well he wants to spend all summer on the computer but it’s so boring all he does is sends e-mails about his products. He’s addicted to playing solitaire on the computer and this is what he does all day. Let me get my computer… “Report spam”. Sorry, Ty, you can’t e-mail me no more. Bye-bye. Sorry, Charlie. See you next e-mail address.

 

“Weird Al” Yankovic’s new album “Poodle Hat” contains a parody of the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way” with lyrics changed to be about eBay, and the song just happens to mention Beanie Babies. Also writing songs about buying Beanies on eBay: no one else.

 

Well, the Info Beanie polls closed this afternoon at 12:00 P.M. central time. Here now to congratulate the new Info Beanie is current Info Beanie Mother.

Mother: Thank you, Seadog. I feel the voters have made the right choice today, with the winner being Bloom over Zeus. You know, I was told that Bloom really isn’t gay, as reported by you.

Seadog: Mother, please. Your editorial was cut from dress rehearsal.

Mother: Who cares? Bloom is straight! She likes Zeus!
Seadog: That smelly moose? Get out of here…

Mother: Well, I give him baths!
Seadog: Ugh. I’m going to have nightmares.

Mother: You didn’t even thank me for coming.

Seadog: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, Mother. I don’t know why I have to call you that and you aren’t really my Mother.

Mother: I’m everybody’s mother.

Seadog: Mother, everybody! Everybody’s mother!

 

Earlier this week a Bean Watcher reader said, “I can confirm White the bear. I saw him with my own two eyes.” Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton also saw the bear and say it’s so offensive to their culture that Ty should release along with it Black the bear.

 

This week’s Ask Ty talks of June’s Beanie of the Month, saying the BOM can be found in the Virunga Volcano region of eastern Zaire. When I typed in a search, I got two different possible results of what the BOM can be: a mountain gorilla or Anna Nicole Smith.

 

Tonight, it’s Dublin and Smitten’s last chat. Here now to share something special with us are Dublin and Smitten.

Dublin: Thank you, Seadog. Tonight, Smitten and I will be leaving the cast.

Smitten: Yeah. We’re going to start a movie career, lose a lot of money. But there’s one thing we never told you during our five months in the cast…

Leah Dorfman: Yay! Dublin and Smitten are leaving the cast! Yay! I hated them when they joined! They were so unfunny!
Dublin: Oh no, it’s the party pooper.

Seadog: Leah, get out of here.

Leah Dorfman: Never! I hate “Beanieday Night Live” more than bees! I hate the chats as much as seeing Paige Davis from “Trading Spaces” getting angry! I hate the chats as much as a cold summer day! I hate Alaska, too! I also hate that Muddy, the Beanie I showed the first photographs of on my website, is joining the cast next week!
Dublin: Calm down, woman.

Smitten: Shouldn’t you learn to love, like me?
Leah Dorfman: I love my life and my husband… but I don’t love everything in the world. Mr. Beanwell and other people who don’t give me phone numbers SUCK!

Seadog: Great. Now, what were you two going to say?
Smitten: I forgot.

Dublin: Oh, that’s okay. One of us might come back to host.

Seadog: What if you forget?
Leah Dorfman: Come on, forget! Forget! Forget!
Smitten: We better get going. The retirement center awaits us.

Dublin: We’ll tell you unless I get Alzheimer’s.

Seadog: Okay. Dublin and Smitten, with Leah Dorfman, everybody! That’s the news; good night and have a pleasant tomorrow!
Smitten: Goodbye!
Dublin: See you next week!

Leah Dorfman: Shut up!