~Monologue~
Cast: Spunky as himself

Baby Boy as Mr. Beanwell

Sport as himself

Seadog as himself

Bo as himself

Spunky: Thanks so much! I had been busy lately… nah, just kidding. All I’ve been doing were eating chicken bones and chasing cats. Well, lucky for me, I’m not like the other three dogs in the cast. I think I’ll go backstage and see what they’re up to. Well, this is a nice area. I’m the first host to go backstage to see what the cast is during my monologue. And it’s a good experience too, because I have to be polite in Broadway theaters. Mr. Beanwell, how are you doing?
Mr. Beanwell: Oh, I’m doing fine for myself. Have you seen the new Matrix movie? Keanu Reeves looks like Eminem as if he were a member of ‘N Sync! What nerve!
Spunky: Yeah, I did see it. It was very, very good.

Mr. Beanwell: Did you know Aaliyah was originally cast for a role before she died? Now Nona Gaye has that role, and her acting is gay!

Spunky: You’re very hurtful. Maybe I should have done “MADtv”.

Mr. Beanwell: And also, that new Beanie Buddy Poseidon? His pose makes me give a sigh, Don!

Spunky: I have to go now.

Mr. Beanwell: Your name is Don, right?
Spunky: Hmm. Over here is Sport’s dressing room. Are you doing “Fineselled” tonight?
Sport: No. We can only do one of those a month because it’s so hard to think of nothing, and we already did one for May. I’m going to have a few walk-on roles, though. I should look good in them. Plus, I’m getting the new Tae-Bo DVD so I can work on my stomach.

Spunky: That’s nice. I’ll talk to you later. Seadog – Seadog, you’re the man – the man who does “Weekend Update”! I love the news segment, always good. Can you give me a little preview of the jokes?
Seadog: Um, let’s see, I think we’re definitely going to have some Larry King jokes, maybe something about the FBI, and I’m going to play a game of poker with Sport with this deck of the Iraqi Most Wanted cards I bought online last week.

Spunky: I should make a painting based on that. Are you sure those are authentic?
Seadog: “George W. Bush”… “Dick Cheney”… “Condoleezza Rice”… “Colin Powell”… this is counterfeit! The pictures are of OUR people!

Spunky: Dirty rotten people. Ah, play with this deck. It’s a deck of dogs with pictures of models from Playdog on them.

Seadog: I don’t look at naked poodles.

Spunky: Well, it’s okay. I’ve got the gay deck in my trunk. I’ll leave now… Bo, how are you?
Bo: Oh, I’m not doing bad. I like it here. Only bad thing is that you have to clean up your own mess.

Spunky: Yeah, that is bad. When at home I have people doing it for me.

Bo: I’m not any better either. I’m being toilet trained right now and I hate it.

Spunky: Okay, I’ve had enough, and I’m sorry I even brought it up. Enjoy the show.

Bo: Thanks.

Spunky: All right, that’s how the dogs act on stage. I don’t know if they can get any wilder with me around. We’ve got a great chat tonight, so stick around! We’ll be right back!