~Star Search Tournament of Champions~
Cast: Baby Boy as Arsenio Bruin

Smitten as Naomi Hugg

Woody as Bear Stein

Pappa as Amish Zappa

Dublin as Patrick Jones

Dippy as Peter C. Tail

Decade as Lenny Louser

Hodgepodge as Grr-Face

 

Arsenio Bruin: Good evening, and welcome to “Star Search Tournament of Champions”. I’m Arsenio Bruin, and no, I did not get the idea of doing a tournament of champions from Alex Trebek. I got it from those Real World/Road Rules challenges on MTV. Man, those are so nostalgic. Anyway, let’s meet our judges. As always, the lovely Naomi Hugg!
Naomi Hugg: Hi! I don’t know when my next album is coming out and I don’t care!
Arsenio Bruin: Let us know when it does. Next up, it’s great to see an old friend of ours, Bear Stein!
Bear Stein: (in Ben Stein voice) I hate you, Arsenio.

Arsenio Bruin: But I like you. Our… Thanks. Our other judge here, is Amish Zappa!

Amish Zappa: I can’t do anything because everything has electricity in it! I don’t understand!

Arsenio Bruin: Good for you. And, finally, there is no guest judge because I hate guests. So let’s get to junior singer competition. First season one winner Patrick Jones!

Patrick Jones: “I don’t know what I’m singing. I’m done.”

Arsenio Bruin: What did you all think?
Naomi Hugg: Hi, I’m Paula Abdul. I think everything’s great… except this.

Bear Stein: BORING. Bored me more than I bore myself.

Amish Zappa: Well, this is better than country music.

Arsenio Bruin: So it’s a 6 for Patrick Jones. I guess he’s tired of singing.

Naomi Hugg: I haven’t seen a lot of those kinds of guys. I mean, this isn’t “American Idol”. If it was we’d be rich by now.

Arsenio Bruin: I tried getting a guest judge spot but they needed to fill in room for Robin Gibb. Lousy rip-off. I guess I can pitch “The Search For the Next Talk Show Host”. I’d be good at that since I already was a talk show host. Anyway, here comes season three’s winner and runner-up performing together on “Tell Her About It”, Peter Tail and Lenny Louser.

Peter C. Tail: “Tell her about it, tell her everything you feel…”
Lenny Louser: “Give her every reason to accept that joke for reaaaaaal!”

Peter C. Tail: “Tell her about it!”
Arsenio Bruin: I liked the solo there! Naomi?
Naomi Hugg: Great solo, yes. It could have done better, though.

Bear Stein: I’m still bored.

Amish Zappa: I enjoyed your performance because I can’t listen to it on CD. I’m not allowed to.

Arsenio Bruin: Wow, they did good together, but now it’s time to face the wrath of season two’s winner, as he comes back with his angry face and his shocking voice, he’s noted as a dog version of Marilyn Manson, welcome back Grr-Face!

Grr-Face: Thank you, thank you! I love you, too!

“GRR GRR GRR GRR!

GRR GRR GRR GRR!
AR AR AR AR ARRR!
GRR GRR!”

Arsenio Bruin: Judges?
Naomi Hugg: Same old song.

Bear Stein: Can I leave to go to the doctor? My ears hurt from this performance.

Amish Zappa: I can’t play that on CD, man! I love it!

Arsenio Bruin: Okay, we tallied your votes and the champion is… Grr-Face!
Grr-Face: GRR! This is the GRR-eatest day of my GRR-life! I love GRRowling because it makes me get GRRls! I love to GRR! I’m GRR-lad I won! Also, in case you don’t know, send this to the GRR-National Enquirer and the GRR-New York Times, but GRR – LIVE FROM THE BEANIE ZOO, IT’S – GRR! BEANIEDAY NIGHT!