~Monologue~
Cast: Mom-E as herself

Mother as herself

Baby Girl as Mom-E 2003

Smitten as Mom-E 2004

Mom-E: Thank you! You know, it’s a pleasure to be hosting tonight, but the only problem is, my children are actually in the studio tonight. I wish I didn’t have to bring them, but I’m a full time mother. If only I weren’t Mom-E. But, this is who I am. If I were like Dearest or Mum…

Mother: Well, you don’t want to be me. I’m Mother, of course. I’m a mother.

Mom-E: Hey, we should start our own club. I mean, I can’t take children. They get on your nerves, don’t they?

Mother: All the time. I have to cook even when I’m on the show. Backstage I’ll be in the refrigerator taking out eggs and soda and milk and cheese and everything my kids want. They didn’t even give me Mother’s Day or birthday presents this week.

Mom-E: Well, I’m Mom-E, and I have children, unfortunately. If Ty didn’t want me to have children he wouldn’t have named them all Mom-E, too. I’ve got Mom-E 2003 here, and unfortunately, the one who’s giving me a lot of trouble right now, Mom-E 2004. They’re in the dressing room looking for me, and I hope they’ll stay there for a long time…

Mom-E 2003: I was so worried! I was looking all over for you! Can you play with my dolls?
Mom-E 2004: No, can you make me a sandwich and sing along with all my favorite singers?
Mom-E: I’m doing a show, kids. Go ask the stage guys and they’ll give you anything you want.

Mom-E 2003: No!!! I don’t like they’re food! It’s icky!
Mom-E 2004: I want a sandwich without crusts, and all their sandwiches have crusts!
Mom-E: Then I’ll take you two to McDonald’s after the show.

Mom-E 2003: But I want Burger King!
Mom-E 2004: And I want pizza!
Mom-E: You like what I get you! We’ve got a great show tonight, so stick around! We’ll be right back!