~Catty Couric and Blue Jay Leno Switch Jobs~

Cast: Bo as Cat Lauer

Tubbo as Al Croaker

Decade as Blue Jay Leno

Mom-E as Ann Flurry

Pappa as Dad-E 2003

Red White & Blue as Colin Powell

Carnation as Catty Couric

Dublin as Mike Myers

Frisco as Siam Cowell

Baby Girl as Janine Grizzly

Baby Boy as David Caveman

Scat as Taffy Warner/Scat Cat

 

Announcer: From New York City, this is “The Today Show” with your host Cat Lauer, your weatherman Al Croaker, and your temporary replacement for the day, Blue Jay Leno!

Cat Lauer: Good morning, everybody! It’s time for the Today Show! I’m Cat Lauer.

Blue Jay Leno: And I’m Blue Jay Leno. I’m the only Blue Jay with chin implants. I mean, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve got a bigger chin than the Chunky Chubbley Bear!

Cat Lauer: Okay, now before we go to our news, we wanted to ask you something: why did you want to trade spaces with Catty Couric?
Blue Jay Leno: Because she’s cute, and I wanted to see how a cute person does her job.

Cat Lauer: No offense, but you’re not cute.

Blue Jay Leno: None taken.

Cat Lauer: Okay, now let’s go to Al Croaker with the weather. Al?
Al Croaker: It’s going to be a beautiful day here in New York City today! And a lot of bees out, too! Since I’m a frog, that’s good news for me!
Cat Lauer: So, that’s why you like it when it’s sunny?
Al Croaker: I love it when it’s sunny! The reason why I used to be so fat because I eat bees with so many different spices and oils! I eat bees as people eat shrimp!

Blue Jay Leno: Hmm, a bee connoisseur? I think not, since he’s not French. And it’s good he isn’t – they’ve got bigger chins than me, too!
Cat Lauer: Shut up! Anyway, let’s go to the news desk with Ann Flurry before we get to our stories.

Ann Flurry: Thank you, Cat. And you look good bald.

Cat Lauer: Thank you. I’ve got that Michael Stipe look there.

Ann Flurry: You sure look like him. Anyway, sometime this morning Ty should release the Dad-E 2003 Beanie Baby. We have this exclusive never to be released footage of the Beanie at a press conference.

Dad-E 2003: I… am… Dad-E 2003. Da-da. Thank you.

Ann Flurry: Very strong words. Anyway, back to you.

Cat Lauer: Okay, now here’s Blue Jay’s interview with Colin “Skip” Powell.

(cut to interview)

Blue Jay Leno: Colin, why are you making a movie about the Middle East?
Colin Powell: Um… I don’t know.

Blue Jay Leno: Well, thanks for your time. Wait a minute… you’re not Colin Farrell!

Colin Powell: I told you five times, it’s Powell, not Farrell! Leave me alone!

(back to desk)
Cat Lauer: Interesting.

Blue Jay Leno: He hung up on me. I called him via videophone. He said, “If Catty’s not there, get the hell off!” You want to take it from here, Flurry?
Ann Flurry: Well, unless there’s any more good news, no. I hate how things have been doing with the community.

Cat Lauer: So have I, and I don’t care.

Blue Jay Leno: We’ll be right back. Cat’s got an interview with some chick from “The Matrix” and I’m gonna ride in Mini-Coopers. Everyone’s gonna go, “Look, it’s a driving bird!”

Cat Lauer: Yeah, looking forward to that. We’ll be right back.

 

(text: 16 hours later in L.A…)

Announcer: It’s “The Tonight Show With Blue Jay Leno”, with comedian Mike Myers, “American Idol” judge Siam Cowell, and temporary replacement for the day, Catty Couric!
Catty Couric: Good evening, whatever city this is! Just kidding, Los Angels! Wait, it’s Angeles? I didn’t know that. I had to take the plane here, and it stunk. Anyway, you won’t believe how many people I had to deal with before doing this show tonight: they kept on asking me “what do you think of that guy’s chin?” We’ve got a great show tonight, so I’ll start off with a little joke: “Swirly the snail is an adorable little thing who slobbered all over my coat.”

Audience: BOO!
Catty Couric: Tough crowd. Shut up, I’m cute! Let’s just get to our first guest, from that movie “Astin Powers”… oops, “Austin Powers”, here’s Mike Myers!
Mike Myers: Thank you, you sexy naked cat! You look better than the bird that wears clothes!
Catty Couric: Well, that’s the best feedback I got all night. What do you want to talk about?
Mike Myers: Nothing. I haven’t done any movies since “View From the Top” which was only a bit role, thanks to those stinking male chauvinists. Did you know for Halloween I went as a billion dollars, then I went as Ty’s expensive prices, then as Ty’s greediness, and then as Ty when he comes out of the shower?

Catty Couric: Did you really do all of that?
Mike Myers: I don’t even know who Ty Warner is. I just heard his name on a Canadian TV show, and you know, I was on one, and it sucked. I mean, Canada’s TV shows are like stuff you did in high school.

Catty Couric: Yeah, that did suck. Anyway, speaking of things that suck, our next guest definitely tells it like it is on “American Idol”. Here’s the cute and cuddly British charm from “American Idol”, Siam Cowell.

Siam Cowell: Hello, L.A.! Catty, you are the worst substitute host I’ve ever seen. You’re worse than when I hosted David Letterbear’s show when his eyes hurt.

Catty Couric: Thanks so much, Simon. How would I host better?
Siam Cowell: Stop looking so Broadway. Look more… um, talk showy.

Catty Couric: I think I can do that. Why don’t you cut the desk so everyone can look at my legs? Come on! Broadway! It’s a place with a lot of cute girls! That’s why they call it Broadway! Broad, meaning girl! Chick! Hottie! Broad! Girl!

Siam Cowell: Okay, but we have to do an “American Idol” thing after this. I got you this wig so you can look like Paula, since you’re so nice. And I got these sunglasses for Mike so he can be Randy.

Mike Myers: Dawgs, I gotta do this dawg thing.

Catty Couric: Let’s bring out our first contestant, Janine Grizzly, singing “Heaven”.

Janine Grizzly: (singing badly) “Baby you’re all that I want, blah blah blah da da da da da, finding it hard to believe we’re in heaven…”

Mike Myers: Yo dawg. Yo dawg. Yo dawg.

Catty Couric: I love you. That was great. You did your best. I’m saying this because they made me.

Siam Cowell: Despicable. Fufferin’ fuccotash, that stunk up the hall here.

Janine Grizzly: Well, thanks anyway.

Catty Couric: Fuffering? You sound like a cat from the Looney Tunes! Looney! That means you’re a loon! Anyway, our next contestant is David Caveman, singing “Good Night Sweetheart”.

David Caveman: (singing badly) “Good night sweetheart, well, it’s time to go… da da da da, I think that’s all the words are.”

Mike Myers: Yo yo yo yo yo yo dawg dawg dawg.

Catty Couric: That was the best performance I heard all night.

Siam Cowell: Dreadful. I hated it.

Catty Couric: Hmm. I actually change my mind on that, too. Anyway, let’s get to our final contestant, Taffy Warner, singing “Nowhere to Run”.

Taffy Warner: (singing like Scat Cat) “Nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide, nowhere to run to baby…”

Mike Myers: Snoop Doggy Dogg.

Catty Couric: I loved that performance so much. You’re great.

Siam Cowell: Horrible. The swing era is over, sister.

Catty Couric: You know, Siam, I’d like to surprise you, but that’s really… Scat Cat from Scat and the Cats!

Scat Cat: You know, I really can’t sing that song. I don’t work for Motown.

Siam Cowell: Yeah, right. Way too many cats here. You all look bad! I have to drive to the studio now, so see you later!
Catty Couric: Okay… we’ll be right back with Robbie Williams.

Scat Cat: Can I do a duet with him?

Catty Couric: It’s up to him. Stay tuned!