~Fox News~
Cast: Smitten as Laurie Dhue

UK HERO as Oliver North

Smartest as Judge Andrew Napolitano

Frisco as police officer

Red White & Blue as Ty 2K

 

Laurie Dhue: Welcome to Fox News. I’m Laurie Dhue. You might notice I’m looking sexy today because I’m the only reporter on the station who doesn’t use Botox. In the U.S., major combat in Iraq is over. While down in Eaton Socon in England, where Chubbley Headquarters is located, the same thing goes. Let’s take it to retired colonel Oliver North who’s reporting from Eaton Socon. I don’t know why he’s reporting on such stupid crap like Chubbley Bears, but that’s his business. Oliver, what’s going on right now?
Oliver North: Well, Laurie, with the Chubbley war over, many people still have a job to do of reconstruction efforts and deciding who gets to keep all the Chubbley Bears from outselling the Beanie Babies. Hopefully it will have something to do with some big gain in stock or something. I’m not sure.

Laurie Dhue: Any signs of Geraldo Rivera where you are?
Oliver North: Good question. I have no idea where Geraldo is. I don’t even know the guy. I just say his name a lot.

Laurie Dhue: We’ll come back to you. Thanks for your time. Now, going on to a different issue, which Beanie Baby was convicted for fraud: Ty 2K or Millennium? Here with us now to talk about it is Judge Andrew Napolitano.

Judge Andrew Napolitano: Thank you, Laurie.

Laurie Dhue: Now, on April 15 it was Tax Day. The FBI discovered that Ty 2K and Millennium had bad raps on their tax sheets. Is any of this true or was it a prank pulled by some teenager?
Judge Andrew Napolitano: Um, I doubt it’s anything done by a prankster. No teen knows what Ty 2K is because it’s 2003, and a lot of teens hate Beanies. I have dealt with many teenagers after the craze ended and since then they weren’t big on them anymore.

Laurie Dhue: So, where can we get any further information on this case?
Judge Andrew Napolitano: Well, so far, Laurie, we haven’t gotten much, except he has a lot of confetti on his body.

Laurie Dhue: Haven’t seen him yet.

Judge Andrew Napolitano: Well, that’s the problem. Because of his confetti-loaded body he’s easy to be spotted.

Laurie Dhue: Chances are he’d use camouflage?
Judge Andrew Napolitano: Definitely expect that. He’s afraid of being caught and will hide anywhere. Look at any New Year’s party or T.G.I. Friday’s restaurant.

Laurie Dhue: Thanks for your speculation. Now, back to more positive news, Dusty Baker’s Beanie Baby Dusty has been a big hit with collectors of the Ty Beanie Baby collection recently, and… oh, wait, we just got in this breaking news story: Ty 2K has been arrested for tax fraud. We now go live to arrest coverage.

Police officer: Okay, state your name for the record.

Ty 2K: I am Ty 2K the Beanie Baby.

Police officer: Put your hands up.

Ty 2K: But I already did.

Police officer: Do it again.

Ty 2K: Why?
Police officer: Because all the girls out here want to see your nice, manly-looking arms!

Ty 2K: Thanks for the compliment.

Police officer: I was being sarcastic, Mr. French Guy.

Ty 2K: Weird. And a woman said it to me.

Police officer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, are you aware that you didn’t pay your taxes?
Ty 2K: No. I paid mine in 2000 and that’s it. I don’t need to pay any more.

Police officer: You have to pay them every year, dirt bag!

Ty 2K: I’m not a dirt bag! I’m a beanbag!
Police officer: You’re under arrest for tax fraud! And don’t beat me up ‘cause you ain’t on “Cops”! This is Fox News, dang it!

Laurie Dhue: Hmm. Well, as mentioned ten thousand times today, at 9:00 P.M. tonight is “Pat Sajak Weekend”, followed by “Vanna White at Midnight” and “The Really Really Late Show with Bob Barker”. I’m Laurie Dhue. Coming up next on your Sunday night, it’s “War Stories with Oliver North”. Oliver is live right now in Eaton Socon to take it from here.

Oliver North: Thanks, Laurie. Now, I don’t have any war stories for you tonight, so I’m just going to say good night from here. Stay tuned for a special two-hour edition of “Pat Sajak Weekend” hosted by Pat Sajak, and always being promoted on Sundays by Pat Sajak. Don’t forget about our other two debate shows hosted by game show hosts, all coming up on Fox News.