~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself

Decade as Ty Warner (audio recording voice)

Frisco as Fran the Feline

Sport as Balto

Scat as herself

 

Seadog: Good evening, I’m Seadog, and here are tonight’s top stories:

 

On Wednesday, Ms. Janie stated that the next rumored color of the Decade bear is slated to be red. The next day, the bear shipped to the UK, and so far, no word from Ty. However, I did get this supposed audio recording from Ty with his opinion on the new bear. Take a listen.

Audio recording: Red Decade, just another way for me to… me make money. Can’t think of any other good ideas. Oh, wait, I got one! Oh, wait, I did that already. End recording.

 

Hmm, never believe everything you hear. Um… I forgot to add my punch line. Uh… The Red Decade bear will be a great opportunity for people to… I’ll do it tomorrow.

 

Ty released new Asia Pacific exclusives this Monday: Aussiebear for Australia, Kiwiana for New Zealand, Singabear for Singapore, Ai for Japan, Coreana for Korea, and Wirabear for Malaysia. The feat shows how Ty can use a motif so disgusting with exclusive bears, not seen since “the Attic Treasure country exclusive bears who wear the same stinkin’ coat”.

 

Mother was elected our May Info Beanie… Congratulations! Yeah! Mother was elected our May Info Beanie, and with that, she will receive 300 hours of homework from her teacher.

 

Pictures of Ty’s May releases appeared online on Wednesday. Ty chose Wednesday because it was the only day good for him to post news on Versace clothes.

 

That evening, Ty also retired the Ty Store exclusive Duck-E. With no other current exclusives, it looks like it’s time for Ty to make more II Beanies to fill up time and his wallet.

 

Major Jim Barker has been taking Beanie Babies to Iraq to help the children. It seems that thanks to the Beanies, all the Iraqi children need to survive are food and blankets. So Major Barker, stock up.

 

Three versions of the Peace Symbol Bear’s tag have surfaced: one with the poem centered, one with the poem right aligned, and one with the web address on the right, as well as the name appearing in bolder font. The next version of the tag: blue colored.

 

May’s Beanie of the Month Cappuccino has been shipping to recipients this week. For this Beanie, it’s the best time of the year to drink a nice Cappuccino, sit at Starbucks listening to Norah Jones and talking to a bunch of caffeine addicts, and to make all your friends go, “AH-CHOO!”

 

Here now with what’s going on in cat news is our friend Fran the Feline.

Fran the Feline: Thanks, Seadog. Please don’t touch me.

Seadog: I know – because you’re a cat and I can eat you.

Fran the Feline: Yeah.

Seadog: I had to take that for 20 minutes during dress rehearsal.

Fran the Feline: Well, as you just mentioned minutes ago, yes, Cappuccino. I got mine today and she is the best thing that came into my life. She’s my new nanny, tending for my kittens.

Seadog: Here we go with the kittens.

Fran the Feline: Now, my oldest kitten is Stan, who’s 7 months old, and really has this trouble being fed, so I always have to make sure my husband’s around to help him, oh, and my youngest one has agoraphobia, so I have her home schooled and I have the doctor come over here to check her up, and my middle ones are all a bunch of rioters. Have you ever seen a little baby kitten try to claw your eyes out?

Seadog: I wouldn’t know. (starts dialing cell phone)
Fran the Feline: Well, who cares? Matthew tried to do this thing up in my eyes and I needed to go in to have new eyes implanted. I am a sucker for the system. Can you believe what these people do to you, Seadog? I mean, having my eyes pecked out by birds isn’t a problem because I eat birds, but by your own kids?

Seadog: Um, is this Pizza Hut? I’d like to order a pizza to throw into someone’s face.

Fran the Feline: Pizza Hut – oh, I don’t go there. I also don’t go to Domino’s. Both of those places made me so sick, I needed to face cannibalism. You heard of hot dogs? I had hot cats!

Seadog: SHUT UP! I’M MAKING A VERY IMPORTANT PHONE CALL AND YOU IRRITATE ME SO MUCH I WANT TO PUNISH YOU! GET OUT!

Fran the Feline: So, did you see the X-Men sequel yet? Wolverine is a ferocious meanie. It’s a stereotype against all felines. I am not a ferocious woman who wants to scratch the living dawn and dusk out of a person, unless they really bugged me, but of course, I’m not that bugged out right now, which reminds me of a time when this bug…

Seadog: I LIKE MEN!

Fran the Feline: More than I needed to know. Which reminds me of…

Seadog: Fran the Feline, everybody!
Fran the Feline: …this time when this guy walks up to me and…

Seadog: Enough already!

 

Tomorrow the Dusty Beanie Baby will be given away at Wrigley Field, and it’s noted that Darren Baker, son of Dusty, manager of the Cubs, will be the youngest person to be the guest conductor of the seven-inning stretch. He beats the previous record held by Macaulay Culkin when he stretched naked in front of Michael Jackson.

 

A rumor broke out that the Bean Bag and Collectibles Magazine in the UK would cease publication, however, it was broken out because the magazine’s web site was closing. The site closed because all the visitors ate it.

 

A Planet Beans reader said that Ty Canada retailers’ most recently released bears seem to be Baby Boy and Baby Girl. So, underused “Beanieday Night Live” cast members, Ty Canada wants you.

 

Profiles for a new TV series on collecting called “Show Your Stuff” will showcase Beanie Babies, as well as seashells and Clifford the Big Red Dog memorabilia. You can watch “Show Your Stuff” on the same channel where you can watch “Daddy, What Does Dollar Mean?”

 

Musician Annie Lennox is seen posing with a Fuzz Beanie Buddy on her website. So after years and years of hearing that song on the radio, I finally know what sweet dreams are made of.

 

A Beanieholics reader said that the book Hollywood Tough by Stephen J. Cannell mentioned buying Beanie Babies at McDonald’s. I’m not sure when that book was written, but I’m pretty sure it was at a time when the author was so sick of hearing about Beanie Babies, he just needed to write about them. A follow-up: look out for his new sequel to Hollywood Tough: Beanies, Beanies, The Stuff That Make Me So Annoyed.

 

More volunteers are needed at the Children’s Toy and Doll Museum in Marietta, Ohio, where a Beanie Baby collection was once displayed last year. They are currently looking for people to act as mannequins.

 

One of the biggest non-Beanie stories since the war on Iraq has been the outbreak of Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, better known as SARS, which has been sighted in Canada and Asia, causing many deaths. Here now with a commentary on SARS is health correspondent Balto.

Balto: Thank you, Seadog. Are you sicky-sicky because you went onto a Canadian chat room?
Seadog: I didn’t go into one. Anyway, what’s been going on with SARS?

Balto: SARS has been everywhere – from Hong Kong to China to Canada. I have been on the lookout for SARS because I come from Alaska, which is very close to Canada. If I get SARS I’ll have to be quarantined, and if I have to be, I won’t be able to help all the other people who are sicky-sicky.

Seadog: What impact has SARS had on us lately?
Balto: SARS has boosted a jobless rate in Canada, and many people are eyeing Canada as the problem since it’s so close to home. It’s so close to my home, so if I get SARS, I’ll be all, “Help me, help me! I’m too SARS-ic!” It has hurt Canada’s economy. Do you just buy any Canadian exclusive bears?
Seadog: I didn’t get any this week.

Balto: Good. Don’t bother trading for the new Asia-Pacifics… I bet all of them will be treated for SARS and get a positive. Customs are searching those bears, as well as all with the name “Sakura”. The crisis in Toronto has caused Billy Joel, Elton John, Kelly Clarkson, Michelle Branch, and Scat and the Cats to cancel tour dates in Toronto…

Scat: Hold on, what did you say about me?
Balto: I just said that you’re not playing in Toronto.

Scat: Balto, Scat and the Cats is not a real group. It’s a fake group in which I’m one of the members of. I play Scat Cat…

Balto: I don’t need your life story.

Seadog: Scat, any further comments? We’re almost out of time.

Scat: Balto’s story is fake. I don’t think any Canadian Beanies have SARS. It can only be spread to people.

Balto: But I was trying to prove a point.

Seadog: Okay, well it’s not a one-sided discussion. Thank you both.

Scat/Balto: You’re welcome.

Seadog: Balto and Scat, everybody!

 

Cheaters have been caught while submitting their entries for the World Peace 2003 contest at Planet Beans. The reason why people are cheating is because they want to dump their husbands and wives for Peace bears.

 

And finally, Thursday marked the fifth anniversary of the largest retirement of Beanie Babies ever besides when Ty retired all the Beanies at the end of 1999 – 29 Beanies retired. The Beanies celebrated by sleeping and playing Bingo.

 

That’s the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.