~Scat and the Cats~
Cast: Scat as Scat Cat

Carnation as Fast Cat

Rusty as Fat Cat

Decade as Dusty Baker

Smitten as Michelle Baker

Sport as karaoke singer

Tubbo as Jeff

 

Scat Cat: Did you think that was a fun-un-un time? I had three hot-hot-hot dogs! Last time I only had one!

Fast Cat: Yeah, I really enjoyed singing the natty-natty-national anthem!
Fat Cat: If it weren’t for me, the hot dogs, popcorn, and Cracker Jack would not have been sold out.

Scat Cat: The crowd loved us, for once! This is the first time we’ve been applauded since Nina Simone went on tour with us in 1959!

Fat Cat: I remember that: the Porky and Bess Tour. We called it “Porky and Bess” because she did music for “Porgy and Bess” and I look like Porky Pig.

Fast Cat: You know, we weren’t even invited to her funeral. The minister said we stunk too hard and weren’t allowed in the procession.

Scat Cat: Racist. Anyway, we were invited to Dusty and Michelle Baker’s congratulatory dinner. You wanna go?
Fat Cat: You know I love foo-foo-foodilicious-food.

Fast Cat: Then we better go before he talks too moogie-moogie-much.

Fat Cat: Can I go to the bathroom too?

(open on restaurant)

Dusty Baker: So, have you met my Beanie Baby likeness yet?
Scat Cat: Oh, we never had the time yet. We were too busy performing at the Carly Simon tribute. You know how many vocal cords it sounds like she damaged? I bet she thinks this conversation is about her.

Michelle Baker: You three are so funny, too. I can’t believe we never met you before?
Fast Cat: Well, we haven’t recorded a new CD in years. The last time we hit the Billboard charts was back in 1992, when we covered “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-Lot. It peaked at #99.

Dusty Baker: What are you, Milli Vanilli bad or William Shatner bad? How bad are you to peak at #99?
Scat Cat: We protested against Operation: Desert Storm. Radio stations refused to play us because of our political values and that our songs sucked.

Dusty Baker: Hmm, and yet Darryl Strawberry can get away with everything.

Fat Cat: Ah, not really. He’s not with the Mets, he’s not with the Yankees, and he’s either in rehab, prison, or at a nightclub waiting to become the next Puffy Combs.

Fast Cat: Today they like to call him Diddy.

Dusty Baker: I thought he was a character in the Donkey Kong games.

Michelle Baker: How do you remember that?
Dusty Baker: I remember bringing those into the stadium back in 1995.

Scat Cat: Oh, 1995 – that was when we covered TLC’s “Waterfalls”. The critics thought we ruined that song, period.

Fat Cat: But the good thing about it is the refreshments.

Fast Cat: And the invitations to bar mitzvahs.

Michelle Baker: So, you’ve been in the biz since the New Orleans jazz scene in the 20’s?
Fast Cat: Yeah. I can’t believe we’ve all lived to be 85 years old.

Scat Cat: That’s in huey-uey-uman years, woman!
Dusty Baker: Wow. Hey, you want to see the karaoke thing now?
Scat Cat: Oh, that would be grr-reat!
Fast Cat: Doesn’t Tony the Tiger say that?
Scat Cat: I said it even before Frosted Flakes even came out, so mind your blap-blap-blappity business.

Michelle Baker: Now, Scat and the Cats will be our “American Idol” judge panel. Sing.

Karaoke singer: Hi. I will be performing the Stray Cat Strut by Scat and the Cats.

(karaoke machine plays the Stray Cat Strut)

Scat Cat: Hmm, this should be interesting.

Karaoke singer: (singing in punk rock-like tone) “We alley cats look fat, we alley cats sound fast, we alley cats always scat,

The stray cat strut’s not a thing of the past!

Stray cat strut!”
Fat Cat: Yo, dawg, can you give me some food?
Fast Cat: I loved it. I really loved it.

Scat Cat: (trying to impersonate Simon Cowell) That was the worst performance I’ve ever heard. You sound worse than my group. This is Scat and the Cats, not Foo and the Fighters! Next!
Dusty Baker: You didn’t like that performance, huh? Well, let’s hear yours.

Michelle Baker: I’d like to request “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” in honor of the Dusty Beanie Baby being given away for my hubby.

Scat Cat: Okay, gang; let’s go on stage and play.

Fast Cat: “Take Me Out”, 1, 2, 3!

(swing music plays “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”)

Scat Cat: “Take me out to the ballgame, take me out to the crowd!
Fat Cat: Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack; I don’t care if I get really fat!
Fast Cat: So it’s…” Fat Cat, why’d you sing the wrong words?
Fat Cat: I love peanuts and Cracker Jack.

Fast Cat: Next time I really hope we sing a song that doesn’t have to do with food.

Scat Cat: I’ll take it from here: “So it’s root, root, root for the home team,

If they don’t win it’s a shame, for it’s…
All: 1, 2, 3 strikes – you’re out!
Scat Cat: At the old ball game!”

 

Dusty Baker: You did great with the national anthem, but you screwed up big time. Jeff?
Jeff: I’m sorry, but Dusty wants you to leave. Your voices hurt his nasal area.

Scat Cat: But nasal has to do with the nose.
Jeff: Who cares? He hurts really badly and he’s kicking you out.

Fat Cat: But Michelle never gave me those cupcakes she promised me.

Jeff: Here’s a coupon for a free Slurpee. Now get out.

Fast Cat: But whatever happened to…

Jeff: OUT! And you’re officially banned from Wrigley Field!
Scat Cat: Ah, that’s okay. We aren’t banned from Yankee Stadium yet. After all, we’re Scat and the Cats, the most be-bop-a-loo-bop swing band in America!