~The Red Goat~
Cast: Rusty as Red Goat

Scat as Radioactive Alley Cat

Mother as Yellow Goat

Frisco as Zebra Cat

Sport as Normal Dog

Bo as Spotted Moose

Baby Girl as Gem

Baby Boy as Ini

Pappa as Gem and Ini’s father

Dippy as Rainbow Donkey

Red White & Blue as Patriotic Saddam and Chubbley Lover

Duck-E as himself

 

Announcer: On a farm somewhere far away, a farmer created mutant farm animals by mixing their DNA with that of other animals. He mixed a goat’s with a lobster’s and they changed colors, which was when this goat became… “The Red Goat”. Tonight’s episode: “Pro or Convention”.

Red Goat: Baa! I haven’t slept in days, but I am still happy knowing that the guy who mutated me is gone. Farmer Lewis was deported to China to be tortured by his family and a bunch of working class people. I am still unhappy, in a way, knowing what he did to me is still with me today. I am still a red goat.

Radioactive Alley Cat: Welcome to my world. I have slept forever because nobody wants to talk to me. I’m enraptured by Farmer Lewis’s departure. But I am depressed because I am a radioactive alley cat.

Yellow Goat: Are you Red Goat? I heard terrible things about your transformation, especially that part about the lobster.

Red Goat: There’s a lot of… baa! There’s a lot of science junk I don’t understand along with all that. What do you think?
Yellow Goat: I’m holding a convention tomorrow where mismatched animals transformed by that punk Lewis can gather and tell their stories, plus I’m holding a contest where one lucky animal can win a chance to be restored to their normal self.

Red Goat: Oh, I would just love that.

Radioactive Alley Cat: Don’t forget… meow! Don’t forget about me, you ugly goat.

Red Goat: Who said you can call me ugly?

(open on convention)
Zebra Cat: Welcome to the Mismatched Animals convention. Who might you be?
Normal Dog: I’m just a normal dog. I used to be in the circus, but then Farmer Lewis mismatched my DNA with that of a simple ordinary dog!
Zebra Cat: Strange but true. Go in. Who are you?

Red Goat: Baa! I’m Red Goat. This is Yellow Goat and Radioactive Alley Cat. Lewis transformed all three of us and our lives are miserable. We can’t… baa! We can’t even see the correct colors things are supposed to be.

Zebra Cat: I’m Zebra Cat, the receptionist. I was a normal white cat until Farmer Lewis mixed my DNA’s with a zebra’s. Now I look like the zebra, one of the ugliest animals on the face of the earth.

Yellow Goat: Are you 100% sure? I mean; rats and cockroaches are horrible.

Radioactive Alley Cat: Don’t forget spiders. Those things are so hairy.

Zebra Cat: I don’t even know why there are such things as zebras. They’re just donkeys striped like soccer balls.

Red Goat: I don’t even want to make fun of that remark.

Zebra Cat: Well, the line’s backing up. Go in.

Spotted Moose: Hi, who are you?
Red Goat: I’m the… baa! I’m the famous Red Goat.

Radioactive Alley Cat: Don’t touch me or you literally will die.

Yellow Goat: I’m also a… baa! I’m also a goat that isn’t regular goat color.

Spotted Moose: I’m a spotted moose. I loved being an albino moose until stupid Farmer Lewis attacked me and mixed my DNA with a Dalmatian’s. Aside from that, he made me eat things made of detergent.

Red Goat: Detergent… the worst thing to spice up food since they put oregano on pizza. Tastes horrible.

Spotted Moose: I think it has no taste at all. It just makes you fall asleep.

Red Goat: It’s good if… baa! It’s good if you want to poison yourself.

Yellow Goat: So, you two are twins?

Gem: Yes. I’m Gen and this is Ini. I’m a girl and Ini was supposed to be a girl too, but Farmer Lewis turned him into a boy by changing the chromosomes.

Ini: I feel weird every night. I’m listed in the record books under the category “Man Who Went Through Puberty Every Day For Entire Life”.

Father: I’m their father. Hey, son, and daughter, how are you? Farmer Lewis also mismatched me when he changed me from a blue bear to an orange bear. I’m such a weird looking bear, huh?
Radioactive Alley Cat: Everybody thinks so. Say, where’s your wife?
Father: She died on Farmer Lewis’ operating table.

Rainbow Donkey: Yellow Cat, what makes you different than me? The fact that I’m a rainbow donkey who’s sad all the time? I’m like Eeyore here!

Yellow Goat: Well, I share the same color as the sun and I’m happy. How did you get turned into a rainbow donkey?

Rainbow Donkey: I already had enough bad luck in my life, and all that just got worse when Lewis wanted me to think positive while still negative, and… oh, it’s too complicated. I’ll talk later.

Yellow Goat: Okay, problem donkey whatever. Are you a problem thing too?
Patriotic Saddam and Chubbley Lover: Yes. I’m Patriotic Saddam and Chubbley Lover. Farmer Lewis hated the fact I was against America and Beanie Babies so he mixed in chemicals with detergent to change my body color. Now I look like an American but I hate America and the Beanie Babies.

Yellow Goat: RAC, do something.

Radioactive Alley Cat: I want you so bad. Please touch me. Go for the privates.

(explosion is heard)

Zebra Cat: What happened?
Radioactive Alley Cat: Well, apparently, this terrorist had died touching me. He should have known better because I was radioactive.

Zebra Cat: Well, with that out of the way, we have put all of your names in a hat… except for the Patriotic Saddam and Chubbley Lover who just died. The winner of the chance to transform back into their normal self is… oh, this is so exciting… Radioactive Alley Cat! Now here to present the prize is the recently retired e-Beanie, Duck-E!
Duck-E: Radioactive Alley Cat, I’m so sorry that the criminal mastermind Billy Bob Lewis had victimized you, and I proudly present to you this gift certificate to my salon, which will transform you back into your regular self.

Radioactive Alley Cat: Oh, thank you.

Duck-E: And in addition, we want to present to you this million dollar reward for the capturing and killing of Patriotic Saddam and Chubbley Lover, who has been threatening Americans and Beanie Babies since Farmer Lewis transformed him.

Red Goat: Darn! I could have captured a terrorist and won that contest, but now it looks like I’m back to living my life as…

Announcer: “The Red Goat”.

Red Goat: Wait, I forgot to say I’m… baa! I forgot to say I’m angry.