~Monologue~
Cast: Scat as herself

Scat: Thank you! I am pleased to be back here. This is my second time hosting. Normally when Beanies are allowed back here to host a second time, they turn that opportunity down because they think, “Ah, I hosted once already. Who cares? I wasn’t even funny.” You see, when people think they’re funny, they actually aren’t, because, other people believe the funny guy is a sick, twisted no one who keeps thinking up nothing but sex jokes. I have to take so many stupid sex jokes because my sister takes me to all these comedy clubs, you know? She’s an alley cat, too, so, you know, it runs in the family. We go to see this one guy, his name is Kevin James, but people call him the King of Queens. How the hell can he be the king of queens if he’s a king? And how could a queen be a king? Hmm, why don’t I pitch in a show called “The Cat of Dogs”? Or “The Mouse of Traps”? I can’t stop thinking of ideas. I mean, I pay attention to so much stuff I don’t even know how much stuff I even pay attention to. Anyway, about Kevin, he says that his wife won’t let him collect Beanie Babies because it’s a financial problem. She thinks we’re a bunch of squares. How about the Puffkins? They’re a bunch of squares! Nobody even buys them anymore! Especially since they look like squares! Oh, yeah, and I don’t because I’m allergic to them. I’m also allergic to Michael Moore’s beard. I mean, can you look at that guy? He looks like Steven Spielberg if he could get pregnant! And since I come from the alley, cat pregnancy is a big problem around here. I don’t have to worry about it since I’m around that age, but the new cats like Tabs ain’t up for it. If you don’t understand what goes on where I came from, you might not want to stay. But please do, because we’ve got a great chat for you tonight, so stick around! We’ll be right back!