~Monologue~
Cast: Woody as himself

Woody: Thank you! Wow! I can’t believe I’m hosting Beanieday Night Live! I used to be a cast member here in the chat series, but I left a month ago and now I’m back. If you don’t remember me, I was the, um, Bear Stein guy. I auditioned to be that Red Goat but Rusty took it instead. Almost got to do Weekend Update. I could have been one of those NBC news guys. Why was I placed to do a late night comedian doing a talk show and a washed up bore? Somebody tell me! Why the hell was I good in the chat series? A lot’s changed since I left. Hodgepodge is gone, so no more Bone Phillips, Dog Griffin, or Mr. Popular. I almost got to be Mr. Popular, but I couldn’t sound like a schmooze. I don’t know why this dude said that. I can schmooze. I always have. But unfortunately, I’m a common Beanie. No wonder why I did “The Curly Show”. I only made fun of myself. Hmm, well, at least I have some good memories. I liked when Dippy did that thing where she did the impression of the retailer from New York. But what do we have left to impersonate? We tried a few sketches on “Nashville Star” and only Dippy was good for it. We tried that movie “Anger Management” but nobody got it. No telemarketers called Mr. Beanwell’s house. It’s been a slow week. But it really doesn’t matter, since I can still be funny. “Look at me, I can’t think of anything! Blah, blah, blah.” Like that? Now, I don’t know if I’ll do a movie, a sitcom, a workout video, a soap opera, I don’t know what. Maybe I can sell myself to Andrew from “The Bachelor”. “I’m sorry, Andy, but I don’t like you anymore. Woody’s my lover.” We’ve got a great chat for you tonight, because I’m back! Gigi is here! Don’t go anywhere yet!