~Chubbley Bears Call Ty~

Cast: Decade as Ty Warner

Carnation as Theresa Lundeen

Woody as Chunky

Dublin as Spruce

Frisco as Silver

 

Ty: Chunky, I’ve told you already; I’m not giving in. Shut up and die already. Thank you, Beanie Babies of the world.

Theresa Lundeen: Okay, cut. Okay, Ty, I think you were a little off when you said “Shut up and die” but you’re better off.

Ty: Yeah, okay, Theresa. So, what are we going to do now about the Chubbley Bears? Should we just let the troops do what they’re doing?
Theresa Lundeen: Yeah, I think so. We’ll wipe out the enemy and then go for the Countin’ Sheep.

Ty: They haven’t done much yet. They haven’t even crossed onto our soil. (phone rings) Oh, I’ll get that. Hello?
Chunky: Ah, I think you should remember me, Mr. Ty! I’m the Chubbley Bear mastermind, Chunky!

Ty: Chunky, how many times did I tell you to stop calling me? I thought Patti Roche put you in a headlock!
Chunky: Yeah, but I broke out. But it’s not my fault.

Theresa Lundeen: He makes a good point.

Ty: How can you even hear what’s going on?
Theresa Lundeen: He’s loud.

Chunky: Anyways, I called to let you know that the war on Chubbleys may be over. Just get your Beanies out of here. I can’t take this garbage. There’s too much garbage on my lawn. Clean it up ‘cause I’m a baby!
Ty: I’m not from Waste Management. I make toys.

Chunky: Only Santa Claus makes toys. How can I tell you’re Santa?
Ty: Well, you know, I’m…

Chunky: You’re thin, you don’t have a beard, and you’re too young! I see your picture every day!
Ty: I’m not cleaning up the mess. Leave that to my people.

Chunky: Oh, your people. Your people. Are your people going to change your diaper when you need it?
Ty: Quit it! Just shut up, you moron! I think you’re the weirdest of the Chubbleys!

Chunky: Well, go ahead… retire me. I think you’ve taken over half of Chubbley headquarters… even my bedroom. Thanks to your troops I have to live on the streets.

Ty: That’s what you get for being a big shot.

Theresa Lundeen: Ooooh…

Chunky: I think I’ll put your friend Spruce on the line for you.

Ty: Spruce… I didn’t like him, either.

Spruce: Hi, Ty. It’s me, your old friend, Spruce! I just wanted to say that you’re a disgrace to the Chubbley Bears! You should stop the brutal attacks!
Ty: For your information, you’re evil. You are supposed to attack us, and you haven’t. You’re not smart. You Chubbley Bears are good for no reason. I’m the only one who can make plush toys that are soft, cuddly, and damn well affordable.

Spruce: I cost a million dollars!
Ty: I hate you.

Spruce: Same here!
Ty: You’re going from a million dollars to one.

Spruce: I’m hanging up!
Ty: So am I.

Theresa Lundeen: Don’t. I think Chunky’s coming back on. Let me get my pet cat out to help you.

Ty: Why should a cat help me?
Theresa Lundeen: Cats can stop bear attacks. Unlike dogs, cats like to eat honey.

Ty: And unlike dogs, cats are cowards.

Silver: I work out!
Ty: Oh, thank god it’s you, Silver. I remember when you were current. Amber liked watching Scat lick her own tail.

Silver: Ah, I remember that. Hey, fatso, do you remember when Ty said you were gay? You still are! And remember when you married that singing lady I saw on TV? When you married her, you turned into her!
Chunky: Hey! You can’t call me names!
Silver: We’re better than you, you dufus! Nyah-nyah!
Chunky: Hey, I can kill you people, you know! I have mouths of mass destruction!
Silver: Sure, you do.

Ty: Um, don’t mind her. She’s just a…

Theresa Lundeen: Don’t talk while she’s on the line, Ty. You’ll get suspicious…

Ty: Go back to making Hero bears!
Silver: Chunky, you got your name because you steal all the honey from every other Chubbley Bear. They’re living in sin and because of that, other people buy them instead of us. You shouldn’t do that.

Chunky: I do what I want when I want. I think Charles Rogers was wrong to leave because now I only get to eat 20 bowls of honey a day. When he was still working for us I got to eat 35 bowls.

Ty: Yeah, I know, but you’re bad and we’re beating you. Silver and I have a little song we’d like to sing to you.

Chunky: What is it… “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” because I can’t make any new Beanies?

Ty/Silver: (singing) “Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye!

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye!

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye!

Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye!”