~Weekend Update with Seadog~
Cast: Seadog as himself
Mother as herself
Pappa as himself
Dearest as herself
Mum as herself
Flaky as himself
Seadog: Good evening, I’m
Seadog. Yeah! Yeah! Here are tonight’s top stories:
Rumor has it that Ty will make a new Beanie Baby to commemorate the troops fighting for us in Iraq, while in a similar move; the Chubbley Bears have created the new “An-Ty Beanies” bear. Ha-ha-ha, an-Ty.
Ty retired Wattlie the Australia exclusive and
Sakura II the Japan exclusive on Monday, leaving no more current country
exclusive bears. After the 4th of July, Ty is hoping to come out
with a UK exclusive: Tony Blair Bear. We have a copy of its tag. “Birthday: May
10, 2002. I am the prime minister, I stop those who are sinister; Prime
minister is what I’m proud to be, ‘cause I command the militry!”
Ty announced on his website yesterday that the
search for the new Peace bear would begin this weekend. Retailers stocked up on
the bear because they were too drunk to go home.
The April introductions include three new Pluffies: Tubby the hippo, Dangles the monkey, and Corkscrew the pig. They will evolve into ugly Chubbley Bears by 2013.
Thus being the second month in a row without the
release of a new Beanie Buddy, speculation is Ty is through with the Buddies
and may no longer make them. However, it still beats the large Punkies I saw at
the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Ty’s April wallpaper features Eggs III saying,
“Got eggs?” to recognize the occasion of Easter. In other news, Haunt has
signed to appear in a series of ads featuring the slogan “Got eggs… on your
house?” in honor of Halloween.
Last Friday, Ty responded to a post on the Ty Talk Cyberboard saying that he actually went to a Hallmark store for Yours Truly and was asked his name, which wasn’t on the list. Hallmark didn’t put Ty’s name on the list because they have a policy against selling to greedy mongrels.
Here now to talk about her new book club is
women’s interest commentator Mother.
Mother: Thank you. As you all
know, I love books. Me and my fellow members, Dearest and Mum, just need to get
away from our husbands and talk about our favorite thing in life: books.
Pappa: What do you mean, get
away from me?
Seadog: Look behind you, Mother, it’s your husband Pappa.
Mother: Pappa, how many times
did I tell you not to interrupt me when I try to promote my book club?
Pappa: I just wanted you to make me some honey baked ham.
Mother: Not now.
Pappa: Oh, can’t I at least
have some Honey Comb?
Mother: Go ahead since you can make it yourself. Anyway, our favorite
author is Danielle Steel. We have posters of her, signed books, everything –
you name it.
Seadog: Let’s see, um… computer
desktop?
Mother: You bet.
Seadog: Mouse pad?
Mother: Yep.
Seadog: Tattoo?
Mother: All of us have one. We even made our own Color Me Beanie that
looks like Steel.
Seadog: I believe Pappa has a
different author in mind. Do you mind telling us?
Pappa: The guy who wrote the Sports Illustrated article about the New
York Giants losing the 2001 Super Bowl. He captured the emotion from fans who
love the Giants and hate the… um, winners.
Mother: Oh, hush up. Sports
Illustrated isn’t even a book.
Pappa: At least you can find
it in the library.
Seadog: Are you sure you guys
are fighting over nothing?
Mother: Let my book club be the judge of that. Ladies?
(Dearest and Mum enter)
Seadog: Welcome, Mrs. Dearest and Mrs. Mum. What do you want to talk to
us about tonight?
Dearest: Sports Illustrated is not a book. It’s a magazine, and they
talk about sports. It’s articles about sports. Also, Danielle Steel is not a
“chicks-only” author. I chat on the Internet with many male Danielle Steel
fans.
Mum: And most of them are
either gay or forced to chat about her by their wives.
Dearest: I see. Anyway, Pappa,
anyone who criticizes our love for books and disregard for magazines deserves
to be ignored. Mum, slap an “Illiterate” sticker on his forehead.
Mum: (slaps “Illiterate”
sticker on Pappa’s forehead) There. Now the book club hates your guts.
Seadog: Are you sure that
works?
Mum: Don’t give us guff. If you don’t continue the news, I’ll do it to
you.
Seadog: Then… go now.
Dearest: Why don’t we just slap
the sticker on his butt?
Seadog: Mother’s book club, everybody!
On April Fool’s Day, as a joke, Ryan Johnson of
CollectiblezSpot.com had posted that Ty Inc. had filed for bankruptcy. Read all
about it in “Jokes About Companies Losing Popularity Digest”.
With 37.38% of the standings, Booties the cat
became the April 2003 Info Beanie on Tuesday. Since she has been available for
ten months now, somehow Booties died, and now we’ll have to endure another
boring month of Lullaby. APRIL FOOLS! Gotcha there, Ty.
Do you want to join the Beanie of the Month
program? Too late, suckers.
Ty has posted on the Ty Talk Cyberboard that Mary Beth’s Beanies and More is looking for people to write articles about the frequent posters on the board. And because I love the board so much, I nominated the laziest posters with no life at all: the potatoes from the Idaho Potato commercials.
Dreamer the March 2003 Beanie of the Month was
retired silently this week. Dreamer said, “Now I can go back to being a
People’s Beanie reject now that I’m retired. Can I still get on ‘Star Search’
or do I have to wait until 2011?”
On Planet Beans, the Praying For Peace contest has
started, however, there had been reports of the e-mail system working. Now the
contest will have to be renamed “Praying For the Stupid E-mail System to Work”.
In only our second chat, Mr. Beanwell fired a good
friend of ours who did well on the chats because he retired. Here now to
explain what happened is our old friend, ladies and gentlemen, Flaky!
Flaky: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
Seadog: So, why were you kicked
off?
Flaky: On January 9, nine days before I was supposed to make my acting
debut, I was retired by Ty, and the way Mr. Beanwell is, he will retire a
Beanie from the cast after Ty retires it.
Seadog: How has this affected
you?
Flaky: Oh, I’m fine. People take me off shelves sometimes to read the
poem on my tag. They think it’s all right.
Seadog: Hmm, that’s nice.
Flaky: Yeah. They don’t buy me
because they want to save money. Gas prices are too high, and they’d rather put
gas in their car than buy me. I’m cute. Is gas cute?
Seadog: No comment.
Flaky: No comment? Gas can
kill you sometimes! Have you ever heard of carbon monoxide? It can sneak up on
you when you’re sleeping with your air conditioner!
Seadog: And how is that supposed to affect me? I have no heart. I have
no brain. I live forever.
Flaky: Beanieday Night Live
wasn’t heaven for me, so I know I won’t… it was a personal…
Seadog: Flaky, everybody!
Flaky: But I didn’t finish!
Seadog: You’re finished…um, with that sentence. Go on.
Flaky: Okay. BNL is great, and
I’m glad to be back here, but I don’t like the new cast. I mean, Sport’s in the
cast and Hodgepodge is gone? Get out!
Seadog: Okay, now I think
you’re finished.
Flaky: But I still have like
two minutes left…
Seadog: Flaky the dirty bear,
everybody!
Countin’ Sheep retired Baa-bee, Doodle, and Ozzy
from their line-up. The reason for the retirement: they look like French
people.
The Idea Factory’s Meanie Beanies are back in the
news as celebrity Meanie Moodonna has announced she will not be showing her
“Bean Bag Life” video in support for the Beanie Babies fighting the war on
Chubbley Bears. She also says she is not anti-Ty or pro-Chubbley. She just
wants people to drink her milk in peace.
Tonight is the beginning of Daylight Savings Time,
and when it ends in October, hopefully more people will set their clocks back
four years and two months so they can tell Ty not to make a mass retirement of
Beanies on December 23, or ever.
And finally tonight, congratulations to The Beanie Zoo Yahoo Group on four great years in business. That’s the news. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.