~Bull Dog Talk~

Cast: Huggins as Bull J. Dog

Kookie as Diddley

Pappa as Orange

 

Bull J. Dog: Welcome to “Bull Dog Talk”. I am your host, Bull J. Dog. If you’re just tuning in, I’m a bulldog. And no, I’m not supposed to talk. But, what the hey, I do it anyway. We’ve got a great show for you tonight, especially since tomorrow is Father’s Day. And my guests are sons who are going to talk about what they are getting their fathers for Father’s Day. So, let’s start off by bringing out my first guest, the green dog who’s the son of a red dog, and boy, does that sound crazy, Diddley!

Diddley: Thanks, Bull.

Bull J. Dog: So, what did you get your father, Rover, for Father’s Day?

Diddley: I got Rover a few nice dog bones, a gift certificate to that kennel he really likes, and I bought on eBay a picture of the little dog from “The Simple Life” with his paw print on it.

Bull J. Dog: Sounds nice. Now, does that dog go to the same kennel?

Diddley: I wouldn’t know. I don’t take road trips with socialite drag queens. That Paris Hilton, if I saw her bringing her dog to the kennel, she’d be all, “Come on, you stupid dog! Don’t poop on my dress! I gotta take it off in front of my boyfriend tonight!”

Bull J. Dog: That’s just wrong.

Diddley: Then she has that friend, Nicole Richie. You know, she’s Lionel Richie’s daughter, and if you compare them both, you know, Nicole’s not that black! She’s like Michael Jackson going all white on me!

Bull J. Dog: How can you explain why you’re green?
Diddley: I don’t know. Maybe I was painted at birth. Or, toxic waste spilled all over me and now I’m green forever.

Bull J. Dog: You know, I think my father had that problem once. Too busy sniffing garbage.

Diddley: Garbage. Too much of that stuff. I sniffed through the garbage for those dog bones, too. Of course, those are artificial. I don’t want to alarm the FCC here by how I’m wording everything.

Bull J. Dog: I know what you mean. Anyway, let’s bring out our next guest, he’s not a Beanie Baby, but a good friend of mine, please welcome, Orange!

Orange: Nice to meet you. You get over that drooling issue yet?
Bull J. Dog: Oh, yeah. Now, what are you getting your father for his day?
Orange: Oh, his day already came. I gave him tickets to move away from my doghouse. He’s moving to sunny California this weekend.

Bull J. Dog: Why’d you send him away to California?
Orange: I don’t like fathers. I can’t believe I had only one. Even worse are stepfathers. How they claim they’re your father and they’re not. They don’t even act like it. And what’s the deal with that “step”? “Oh, hi, I’m your new dad, because I stepped over your old one.”

Bull J. Dog: Stepping on your dad? Hmm…

Orange: I don’t get it either, Bull. What happened to the times when your father was your father and he was supposed to act like one?

Bull J. Dog: Not sure what you mean.

Orange: Ah, whatever. Fatherhood is so overrated. I was closer to my mom, mostly ‘cause she was a good cook.

Bull J. Dog: Cook what? All you can eat are bones and dog food.

Orange: She made good sausage. Good ham, too. And steak.

Bull J. Dog: And you could eat that?

Orange: I’ve got quite an appetite. Say, how about I eat you? I’d be eating a hot dog. Get it?
Bull J. Dog: I find your joke offensive to dogs.

Orange: Give me a break here! Look at me! Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof!

Bull J. Dog: Humiliating. Anyway, thanks to our guests, Diddley and Orange. I’d like to thank my sponsor, Danny’s Dog Food. I’m Bull J. Dog. This has been “Bull Dog Talk”.