There's nothing like running over fat dogs and crushing mental patients against the wall with their own beds. Keith Pullin does all that and more as he too goes quickly round the bend

Most of Carmageddon II is fairly straightforward, really - learn the tracks and kill an inordinate number of innocent civilians. However, it's not all foot to the floor and blood streaks on the door. The missions can cause problems, and it's mainly those stages we're concentrating on here. So belt up and get a grip.

The first three races before the mission act as a warm-up. The other cars are lightweight, and pedestrians and animals are abundant. Explore, get used to the car, and remember: the more peds dead, the more time you get. Try to visit the bank - crashing into the vault rewards you with some top-quality gear. If you fancy practicing some high-speed manoeuvres, slip on to Beaver City's ample orbital.

Rocky Too is a sprawling level with masses of tricks to try. Extra Power enables you to push massive rocks on to other cars, and the Wall Climber makes your tyres stick to any surface - ceilings and all.

It won't take long to reach the Boulder Dash mission, and when you do, just take it easy. Tumbling over edges doesn't help time-wise, so just get round those bends. Try to aim for under a minute per lap. Oh, and you get no extra time for killing on missions, so don't bother.

At first it seems that the antennae are impossible to reach. That's utter rubbish. Pick the Eagle Mk III (that's if you've accumulated enough credits to have a choice) and just follow the ramps - generally speaking they point in the right direction. Most jumps require a take-off speed of around 80mph. Hit the right rhythm, and bounce from one rooftop to the next like a rubber ball.

This mission teaches you a very important skill: the ability to control your jumping so you can land in very enclosed areas. As the game progresses, you find that of all the skills, this is by far the most important.

The Home Sweet Groan race takes place in Max's junkyard. In the middle of the stage is his home, and it's around here that you find plenty of contraptions with which to deliver swift death to your adversaries. Have fun, see who can be lured into Max's lair, and then nail 'em!

The race in the quarry can be precarious, as it's sometimes hard to find peds, and the other contestants bash you around quite badly. Try to make the most of the ample time bonuses, and power-ups lurking behind or on crates and boxes. Usually they're not too far from the actual circuit, so taking a small diversion is often worth your while.

On the mission stage, loonies from a local mental home are on the loose. There are 22 patients in all, and you have to squish all of them. It's probably best to go for the larger groups first, and then pick up the stragglers later. We've marked their exact locations on the map, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem. As for those irritating nutters on the roof, just bounce up to them with Kangaroo power-ups or something similar.

There are quite a few handy power-ups near the start to help you on this mission, but by far the best antidote to this little predicament is the Solid Granite Car. It should be lurking just outside the glass-fronted building near the start point.

When you've got it, head straight for the truck which should by now be charging directly for you at high speed. Go for the head-on collision and you should seriously hurt him. He'll probably head off into the junkyard after that, so follow him, grab as many useful power-ups as you can, and keep twatting the life out of him.

It's advisable to go for a vehicle other than the Eagle Mk III for all this, because the heavier the car, the more damage you inflict on your opponent. As long as you keep up a fairly relentless assault, the time limit shouldn't be a problem.

The In Cold Blood mission is a toughie. The snow makes you slide all over the place, the track is hard to see, and most of the race takes place on the side of a mountain, meaning that you spend most of the race at a 90-degree angle. Well, you're halfway through the game now, so what do you expect? The best advice, as for most of the missions, is to just take it easy. Keep your speed at around a hundred miles an hour - travel any faster and you're a dead man.

Always keep a beady eye on your mini-map, making sure you never stray too far from the circuit, and avoid getting any big air. When it comes to the ski jump, try and hit the ramp at about 50mph - the car should stay level, thus averting any nasty Eddie The Eagle-type landings. Stay out of the way of the many quarter pipes too, as they can really slow you down.

The real trick to this stage is finding the shortcuts. The many hairpin turns give you ample opportunity, and if you look carefully you can see narrow passageways and crevices that your car can easily slip into.

In terms of vehicles to use, go for something small and manoeuvrable, or maybe one of the large-wheeled machines on offer - at least then you can obtain some grip on the slippery surface.

The Runway Runaway race can be full of surprises, especially if you head into the airport terminal. If you drive up the stairs there are some duty free shops, and on the roofs of those there are some power and armour bonuses. This group of races concludes with an excellent - and easy - mission.

First of all, select a fast, agile car (something like the Eagle, perhaps?), and simply belt around the fairground at top speed killing everything in sight. A lot of the clowns can only be reached through well-timed jumps. For example: the two on top of the tower in the middle of the fairground can be decapitated if you hit the take-off ramp at the right speed (around 100mph).

Watch out though, because some of the clowns don't die at the first attempt. They may be fat, but they're often quite nimble, and sometimes glance off a bumper attempting to escape. Make sure you go back and finish them off, and only leave the scene of an 'accident' after dismemberment has taken place.

There are only four air traffic controllers to kill on the Control Freak mission, but look where they are - right at the top of the tower. It takes some practice, but it seems the only real way to reach these well-guarded enemies is to use the airport 'props' as ramps to jump up to the tower. If you're very lucky you can smash straight through the glass.

However, another method is to find a Slaughter Mortar and fire into the control tower to kill them. Alternatively, grab one of those tail things and see if you can smash the windows with that. Of all the levels, this one seems to be down to luck rather than judgement but, as always, if you improvise you can't really fail. The time limit is the real enemy here, so don't hang about when you first start.

Solid Granite Car power-ups are strewn all over the USS Lewinsky. Use these to make short work of the gun turrets; any left over can be demolished by picking up the mutant tail thingy near the start.

When the turrets on the top deck have been destroyed, head below deck as quickly as possible. There are more turrets here - wipe these out using the same technique. The core of the ship can be dispatched in the same way. When you've done all that, head up to the top deck and kill the admiral.

You need a medium-sized, tough car because you're often caught up in explosions. Anything small and defenceless is going to be annihilated in these situations, so make the right choice.

This is the first time you face opponents on a mission stage and they don't mess about. Their vehicles are massive and they know how to use them. Being rammed into one of the many cliff faces is a common occurrence here, so make sure you keep moving constantly. You can combat their tactics by selecting a fairly large car yourself. The only trouble is that you have to decide how much speed you're willing to sacrifice, as the time limit here is again tight.

To destroy the oil wells, slowly drive into the nearby black boxes. The wells can be levelled in any order, but it's probably best to go for the ones in wide open areas first; wait until the field has thinned out a bit before heading off into the frantic zones.

The second race is superb. In true Blues Brothers spirit, choose a fast car and set about confusing the feds. Try to get two or three to chase you around, then pick up a Kangaroo power-up (or something of the that ilk), go flat out towards a brick wall and jump at the last moment. Any police chasing you crash into the wall and die. This hectic city stage is bursting with similar cunning tricks, so don't be afraid to let your despicable mind run riot.

After the fun comes the horror - the final stage. This is probably the only really linear level in the entire game, and to be frank it's a bit of a shock to find. Prepare for this stage by picking the fastest car available. After that the key to this stage is opening the blast doors. Basically, any canisters you see knocking around must be destroyed - blowing them up opens various blast doors around the silo. The first few are obvious, they encircle some kind of dome. But after that they're not so easy to find, especially with the cruel time limit imposed. But follow the route, destroy everything you see and it all becomes apparent. All you need is speed and a good memory - master that combination and you complete the game. Well done. All you have to do now is wait for Carmageddon III.