ivelearned

University North Carolina Wilmington Seahawk

13.Ive learned hoodies ROCK!
12.Ive learned that people on the beach are not exactly sane
11.I've learned that Chili's has take-out!
10.Ive learned that you can say "heriditate" and people know that you mean inherit.
9. I've learned that as much as I hated scantrons in highschool, i hate them even more
     in college becasue now they are squares instead of the bubbles.
8. I've learned that you could spend 80 dollars at a grocery store and still not have
     enough food!
7. Ive learned that you can trap fruit flies in soapy water.
6. I've learned that its possible for friendships to grow when miles apart, as well as
     friendships can fall apart with distance.
5. Ive learned that when stressed out for exams jump into the ocean fully clothed and       it will totally relax you.
4. Ive learned that sometimes the ones you loved the most are the ones that you have      to let go. Oh and I learned it hurts STILL hurts like hell
3. I've learned that it is possible that the fire alarm going off it is not a drill and the
     building could be and WAS actually on fire.
2. I've learned that when showering with someone, be careful you dont slip on the
    soap. (Amanda B.)
1. I've learned that sand is like college students. In the summer they go to the beach
     and in the winter they go to the bar. (Dr. Hall)

Its here the Ive learned college list. And unlike some of the I've learned lists, this is actually quite humorous. A lot of them came into existance when final exams were happening, so obviously it was when we were delusional. Amanda and I had some good laughs. To all of you, they may sound really out there and strange and make no sense but as all things are its a "had to be there" sorta moment. Especially the Chilis thing, I did not know that Chilis

had take out. My face lit up and im still in awe of it. YES IM WEIRD. There are some serious ones though and random ones. So for now this is my IVE LEARNED at college list maybe when i go back to school there will be some more. So enjoy!

Well a lot has been going on the summer since i have been home, mostly its realizing who I have become and the things and the people who matter to me. I ask you this, how come I never get a chance to see the person who last summer I most definitely considered my best friend, but i see the person and hang out wih the person who last year i was close to considering my enemy? Make sense of that one for me. All I wanted this summer was to spend time with my old friends, with my boyfriend, with most importantly my best friends and as life would have it I really haven't gotten that opportunity, between work, school, and the beach. Its been one strange summer. But if anythings for certain its who my friends are down south. I cant wait to go to Michigan and Canada, I cant wait to go to an Eagles game with my phila sista Ash, and i cant wait till Chels and Elayne come visit so i can take them to the city (since they've never been to one or at least Chelsea hasnt) How do i manage to see the people that live 600-900 miles away but not the ones who are over a bridge and "through the woods." Its really a tough thing to grasp. But whats important is even without seeing them I know LP, Lis, Georgie, Jim, etc. will be there if i ever needed them. And thats what matters.

The place was so peaceful, we were on a gazeebo overlooking a lake. you could look out over the lake and view all the beautiful things that God created. I could close my eyes breathe in and truly feel relaxed, at one with nature, and really be abe to enjoy the company that surrounded me. The company existed of strangers from different schools in the south coming to this one place to "share their lives" with one another. The thing about this place and these people is much like what i wrote in my most recent talknjot journal entry. These strangers made me feel more loved and appreciated than the friends that I made my last year in highschool (excluding our two prom limos) And maybe for that reason I was truly able to find myself that weekend. Some people would say and even i would say that this was my kairos(excluding Caritas where i reunited with a friend who i regretted losing) if i knew what kairos was id be able to definitely compare it but for now this retreat was an extention of Caritas. It was a retreat I truly became OK with me and WHO I WAS and AM, with realizations i am finally ready to share with the world. The following is an excerpt from my journal from September 22 2001:

What is it like to feel empty, to not feel God's presence in your life and what made you feel that way? As soon as the words flowed from Glen's mouth I knew that this question was for me. I knew that indeed I was empty for a long period of time and now i would only have to choose what to do with the discovery.

Are you full now? Wow what is this, is it pick on Amanda day. Actually it was the exact opposite it was epiphany day for amanda.

I began to think about all the times where I have felt empty and why i really felt that way. I realized that the time when I felt the most empty was october senior year, when (name of person) refused to be there and when i was scared to tell (name) what was going on in my life. it was the feeling that when i was around "the crew" that i just didn't fit in, like I was always on the outside. (name of person #2) was other thing that made me feel empty. maybe (name of person #2) didn't make me feel empty but more worthless.. But as i sat and thought about it i remembered the feeling and suddenly it all started to come together for me. I remember how i was, walking around with the attitude of "who is God to tell me what I can and cant handle....he has no business there" (an attitude which i am now ashamed of) I walked around not believing because I didn't understand how something that almighty could make me feel that crappy and in that much pain.The people who were supposed to be friends to me felt like strangers. I felt like I had no one. I thought i was alone and no one cared and no one loved me. I didn't believe in God so I didn't believe that he was there with me, that he was my strength and would always be that strength. I let myself get so low because I TRULY believed that I was alone. I was empty. I didnt see a God in my life because I refused to admit of his existance.

So as I looked back i realized why I felt so alone. I felt so alone because I didnt accept and realize that God was there with me. God saved me that horrible night in October. God saved me on halloween. I was so weak and the reason i felt so low was because there was someone there beside me. So now, NOW my life is fuller because I know that no matter how alone I may feel there's this awesome being watching over me. That no matter how alone i may feel I am in fact NEVER ALONE. I know that when I cannot be strong he will be strong for me as the saying goes "he will carry me." I realized soem of the cause of my depression....Lack of belief and faith. that lack made me more lost than i already was.