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by Dinna Chan-Vasquez
Are there so few decent men in the world that women are forced to look at those who are taken? Men, for reasons that have been overanalyzed by all sides, search for another prey outside their reasonably functional marriage, and women willingly and stupidly take the bait.
"My wife doesn't understand me," or any variation thereof is the favorite pick-up line of married men. How about "My wife's cold in bed" or "My wife let herself go?" Many women have fallen victim to these lines thus bringing heartbreak upon themselves. Like it or not, only a small percentage of married men who have affairs leave their wives for The Other Woman. In my lifetime, I've only heard of two men who totally turned their backs on their marriages-one was a retired bank president in his 60s who wanted to "stop and smell the flowers" (translation: Be with the woman I love) and the other was a superstitious Chinese guy who dumped his gorgeous wife for his plain-looking secretary because a geomancer told him the latter would be lucky for business. As it turns out, the secretary was in cahoots with the feng-shui master, but that's another story.
Most married men find comfort in their wives, especially if they have children. I was once involved with a married guy for six months whose wife gave birth and got herself pregnant in the same year. Needless to say, he ended up going back to her and their kids. From then on, I realized that the man who will leave his wife for you is rare, no matter how much he badmouths her.
That's another trait philandering men have in common-they love badmouthing their wives but seem to be afraid of them. For those who are involved with married men, ask yourself this question: If he hates her so much and loves you to death, why is he terrified that the wife will find out about you?
If you ask the married guy you're seeing that question, his answer would be, "If she finds out, she'll take my children away and I won't see them anymore." Or, "If I get an annulment, she'll ask for a small fortune and I won't have anything to start a new life with you." The truth is, most philandering married guys will do and say anything to get free sex. They're too lazy to pay for it with prostitutes and use a condom but because you're the girlfriend, you're supposed to be seeing only him so that makes you clean.
I am not talking here about Dirty Old Men who keep young mistresses, usually bimbettes who want to get ahead in life. I'm talking about that middle-aged or younger married man who likes attractive and accomplished single women who are particularly vulnerable to his kind of flattery.
This is the guy with whom Christmas is in January-he can't get away from his family during the holidays because his wife might be suspicious and Valentine's Day is February 15 (or later if that's a weekend) because that special day is for the wife he hates; the one he doesn't sleep with anymore. This is also the guy who says the highest point of his week is making love with you, a two-hour quickie after which he has to go home because he has to take out the wife and kids to dinner.
Your Christmas gift is a second rate ring-and-earring set with small inferior stones he's paying for in installment because the flawless two-carat ring from Hans Brumann went to the wife who's a cold fish in bed.
While the wife who doesn't understand him lives in a posh village with a full household staff, you're left to fend for yourself and he'll say, "I love you because you're independent." What the love of your life means is that he's too cheap to even pay for a mistress. Why pay when you can get a beautiful and successful woman to grovel at your feet for free?
Don't sell yourself short or wait until you're too old-leave him now before he leaves you. Do it to him before he does it to you. A friend who was involved with this married political hotshot was dumped for a younger and more beautiful woman. This friend and Mr. Hotshot were together for eight years. His line? "My wife's family forced me to marry her." Mr. Hotshot and his wife are still together. My friend is devastated.
If you're like my friend, don't waste your life-quit now while you're still ahead and find a man you can call your own.
Reprinted from the Cosmopolitan Philippines 2001