October 2005 - Untitled Daily Column Project

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/\ Monday August 1st, 2005 /\ "divide and conquer."

Day 20: 380. The Beatles - I Saw Her Standing There -- 417. The Beatles - Things We Said Today

I was watching an old episode of "Home Improvement" yesterday.

**Randy is hanging out with his girlfriend in the den, but decides to enter the Taylor kitchen where mother Jill is folding laundry**

Mother Jill (with slight Texas accent): "What's the matter, Randy, don't yew like yer cute
lil girrrrl frah�end over there?"

Randy: "But mommmmmmmmm, she doesn't have a penis!"

Tim enters from garage: "Hey who wants to do some lines in the hot rod?? Hahahahaha!"

Brad: "I have to go stand outside an' stand around an' wait while my hair grows longer."

Mark enters room: �I�m going to do something strange, like bark at a wall and marry a 40 year old woman.�

Jill: �Mark, what the hell�� **Mark exits front door**

Tim enters from the garage again: �Hey who wants to do some lines on the souped-up lawn mower�s new chrome finish?? Hahahahahaha!�

Brad re-enters from being outside: �Hey, I�m gonna go stand outside and look at the soccer ball an� think about how I�m going to college to play soccer an� nothing else.�

And then I changed the channel. And then I said to myself,

"there sure are a lot of lesbians in this auto insurance commercial."

-o-
Yesterday's results: $0. Today's result: $-5. Total results: $7.

/\ Tuesday August 2nd, 2005 /\ "sure what the fuck: "Howard Dean for President in '08."

Day 21: --

Two longhairs are headbanging while attending a rock concert. Suddenly they pause and actually listen to the music.

singer: "Swha-deeeeeeeeeeeeeettttttttt! Omga no dah, Blap gonda! Wet speed explooooooooooooooode!"

Two longhairs: **stare in disbelief**

singer: "Teee An Tee!" (arf...arf....arf...) Teen Fan Blee! (arf...arf...arf..) Tea Gland Pee! (arf....arf..) Mmmgah flower loaddddddd (arf..) speegah dooooooooooooo!"

longhair # 1: "hey, what the fuck are we doing at an AC/DC concert??"
longhair # 2: "man, we really fucked up big time!"

singer: **clears throat** **clears throat again** �speck-a-leeva-crew-winnabeg-shrump-ga-doooooo!� **loud music starts again & fans begin cheering loudly**

longhair # 2. "let's leave."

longhair # 1. "Wait! I heard this riff during a car commercial! Oh wait... that was for an Apple computer."

**longhairs leave.**

END

/\ Wednesday August 3rd, 2005 /\ "The Catania Diet: million$ in the making."

Day 22: --

Here is the infamous "most offensive thing I have ever written" script. Inspiration for this came from a scene I saw on "Everybody Loves Raymond" tonight, where I took an actual moment, and made it up from there. Those familiar with the show will get the subtle name references. I tested this out on a select loving group of people, and apparently it didn't shock any of them at all. I was trying to shock and be as offensive as possible, but to no avail. I sure have a lot of Liberal friends. But here it is anyway.

-o-

The Stalone family enters a church where a funeral of a distant relative is taking place.

Wife: "I still can't believe your mother isn't talking to you."

Raul: "I know, I mean, I should be higher than a pilot, but I�m not. oh there she is."
**approaches mother**

Raul: "hey mommmmmmmm, hey mommmmmmm, hey.. **mother walks away** �ok you walk away."

old man: **smugly walks up to Raul** "christ almighty should you give a rat's ass about your mother!"

Raul: **smiles** "hehehe eh fuck you."

old man: �What did you say?!�

Raul: **smiles** "fuck you!"

old man: �You can't talk to me that way!�

Raul: �Can�.. and did. "fuck...youuuuuuuuuuuuu!"

old man: �I outta box your ears!�

Raul: "fucccccccck youuuuuuuu!"

old man: �You can't do that!�

Raul: "oh fuck you, old man!"

old man: �I�m gonna stop you, Big Nose!�

Raul: **smiles** "Heh! Me first!" **punches old man in the nose**

old man: "what the hell!�

Raul: "Again!" **punches again** "I�ll break it 6 ways to Sunday! ..whatever that means."

old man: **winces with pain** "oooooh godddd" **face & hands become stained with blood**

Raul: "hahaha yeah!" **dances like a joker & claps**

old man: "You son of a bitch! I fought in WWII & Korea, man!"

Raul: "ooooo pawn in the war pig machine! You were just the Government's patsie....! Took it square in the ass like a woman! You wasted your time! Suckerrrrrrrrrrrr!"

old man: "I can't believe this!" **fuming mad as hell**

Raul: "That's riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight! you know what I can't believe? I can't believe I haven't punched you a 3rd time!" **punch**

old man: "owwwwwwwwwww!" **falls to knees**

Raul: "soldier's don't crrrrrrrrry, soldier's don't crrrrrrrrry. Hahahaha!"

Raul�s wife: "what...the hell are you doing..." **watches**

Raul: "just stickin' it to the man."

Raul: **back to the old man** "War is stupid! War sucks! Nobody respects what you're doing! You're wasting our tax payer money! Stop wasting our money! Get over yourselves! Boooooooo!� where's our free oil?? You people make me sick! Go to hell! You people and your business destroy families and ruin lives! You ruined our lives! All of our lives!"

old man: "You got a lot of nerve...! how DARE you! How fucking DARE YOU!"

Raul: **mockingly starts flapping arms like a chicken** "Oh, "I need two fucking holidays to show how my stupid legs got shot off!" It�s you're own stupid god damn fault!"

old man: "god, boy... you're dead. DEAD!"

Raul: "war pig! oinnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!"

old man: "I put my life on the line for Pinko Commies like you!!!"

Raul: �Nobody respects what you did! Nobody cares, man. NOBODY! Suck it!"

old man: **to Raul�s mother** "Look what your piece of shit son did to me, Louise!"

Raul�s mother: "I see you, Hank." **turns around and looks the other way from Raul's presence**

Raul: "dead souls for nothing, man."

** Raul & wife walk away"

Raul�s wife: "I must say, I have never seen you act that way before! And I gotta be honest.. I�m extremely shocked! but I�m very impressed by the way you stood up to your father! And I find it rather sexy, roarrrr!" **grabs arm & begins groping it**

Raul: "eh whatever. I voted for Bush."

Raul & wife leave the room.

fade out

writer�s commentary:

Well we sure had a lot of good �ol fun writing this. If you�re writing for a sitcom, don�t be afraid to push across some offensive messages and horrible story lines, and downright blasphemous behavior that would land most people in jail or incite protests, because you can always use the last 10 seconds of the show to say �Just kidding!�

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<| Saturday October 1st, 2005 |> "feel so free, so dead inside..."

Day 81: --

Well tonight was the season premiere of Saturday Night Live, with host Steve Carell, who we found out tried out for the show 10 years ago and was one of the two finalists, and they chose Will Ferrell instead. The show had its usual political cold-opening which is always good. Monologue was Carell singing about how his movie made $100 mil and he now has money coming out of his ass. Then the next sketch was about him and Poehler in the very same plane that had trouble landing in LA 10 days ago, which was funny but alarming at the same time that after over 4 months off, the first / # 1 sketch of the night was written of something that happened 10 days ago.

Then unfortunately, there was the recurring sketch of "The Needlers", the constantly fighting married couple but always end up having sex. Carell was barely used, him being the husband of the couple who had to witness the Needlers fight. Then there was a sketch of incompetent celebrities rebuilding houses with CNN reporting, then eventually Fox's Geraldo Rivera intruding the newscast and stealing the CNN van. Carell did his Ray Romano impression, as well as other cast members doing their impressions, which was pretty good. Then there was the Mike Myers / West reunion, with Myers joking that he had the US Gov't following him and that they revoked his US citizenship and Myers weeping, but of course West couldn't care less. Then I went away during the music part and came back for Weekend Update. We saw the very fat Horatio Sanz fill in for the useless Tina Fey who is recuperating from giving birth to her demon child. Sanz contributed very little to the newscast, but even that very little was a whole lot better than Fey. And we saw a very annoyed Poehler (half acting, half real) who couldn't do her annoying "girly girl-girls rule!" rapport which we all hate and find extremely annoying.

After this, the show was completely pointless (with 45 minutes to go, mind you). The Smigel cartoon wasn't funny, too many recurring sketches that (once again) vastly underused Carell's talents (he basically went an hour between his 3rd and 4th / final sketch) to the point that they could have stuck anyone in his place and this was a huge failure by the writing staff, and the show inexplicably ended with the most hated sketch of all, "Debbie Downer", which was only funny the 1st time and that performance was completely accidental. This went from being an B+ first half performance to a D- second half performance.

Next week John Heder will be hosting, if you saw him in that retro 70s comedy movie with the blonde curly-afro that took place in some school and involved a bicycle (which I never saw) and uh....
Ashlee Simpson returning for some reason, following up which was the most embarrassing moment in SNL history.

<| Tuesday October 11th, 2005 |> "he took a chainsaw to that beaver!"

Day 91: --

I hate you, Joe Crede. Your stupid miscues at 3rd base cost the White Sox the game. We're gonna run you out of town. Stupid god damn fucking idiot didn't know to either throw home or to 1st, and of course, succeeded in not getting any out. You made 2 miscues. Get your head out of your ass.

Still pondering a column format change. I know, I know, I know that content is much more important than appearance. I have a design that I made up months ago, and suffice to say, it's very, very 2-D. I also might give it a Dr. Pepper-font look for the title, (kinda like your 1970s-1980s maroon Philadelphia Phillies "swirly P", but that kind of font takes up a lot of space. And I might change the name of the column to either "Column of Shit" or "Column o' Shit", which would be fitting if I was Irish and had a kelly green color scheme and shamrocks all over the background, which I'm not.

While farting around in the kitchen (actually, reheating the cold leftover stroganoff) I was cooking some egg noodles and had some plain ones remaining, so just for the fuck of it, I got out the cheddar block & put some freshly shredded cheese on it and omg. Fucking Delicious! Fan-fucking-tastic! Son of a fucking bitch!

Here's my homemade mac n cheese recipe:

2 cups (I used the liquid one) of dry wavy egg noodles
1 cup (unpacked) mound of freshly grated sharp cheddar
3 slices of deli-style American cheese, grated
3 tablespoons of milk
3 tablespoons of water (roughly, left from draining)

Cook your noodles, blah blah blah. Drain all but a little bit of the water, then put back on low heat, add your milk and your cheese & stir for a few minutes until it's all soupy. You want to have about an inch to inch 1/2 of liquid on the bottom so it's soupy. Rule is, you can't put too much cheese in there, so if it tastes weak, add some more cheese. And I should note, that the sharp cheddar I use is from the deli (local supermarket), it's very soft and orange. It's not rubbery or tough at all but very soft. The deli American cheese (land 'o lakes), should be pretty yellow in color, stiff like Swiss cheese & shouldn't be that shiny oily individually pre-packaged stuff. Basically, I don't like butter or pepper or "salty cheese powder" in my mac n cheese, nor do I like it dry. Egg noodles just blew my mind away, and I can't believe the difference in taste compared to the shitty plain noodles that come in the box.

<| Thursday October 6th, 2005 |> "you better get your shit together, or you better be dead!"

Day 86: 1687. Led Zeppelin - Black Dog -- 1702. Led Zeppelin - The Ocean

Novelty baseball-theme beer with pictures of dead ballplayers on it: "Yeah, pick the beer bottle with the Ty Cobb label on it. That one will have more alcohol."

<| Wednesday October 5th, 2005 |> "that Led Zeppelin music...it sounds broken."

Day 85: --

Mrs. Krabapple: "...But what was the NAME of the pirate?"

Bart: **thinks** "captain slabber long john silvers blue beard captin jack captain crunch captain morgan dictator josie general patton captain joker..."

Bart: "Pooh Bear?"

Mrs. Krabapple: "Sit down, Bart. Idiot."

<| Tuesday October 4th, 2005 |> "Crazy Pill Ride"

Day 84: --

Jimmy Page on stage: " 'ello. i'd like to play me newest song, it's called "Stealin' Riffs."
voice: "is it full of stolen riffs? "
Jimmy Page: "yes!"

<| Monday October 3rd, 2005 |> "works like a dream..with the side effects!!"

Day 83: 1573. Jimi Hendrix - Wait Until Tomorrow -- 1686. Led Zeppelin - Hats Of To (Roy) Harper

You ever listen to music and the lyrics sound all jumbled? Or just you just make up your own lyrics as you sing along because you really don't care or know?

absurdity:

"I loooooooooooathe thinking about you
and I knooooooooooow i shouldn't be with you

when times go bad, times go blunt
you lay me down and slap me on my ass while i strut my stuff,

i loooooooooathe the things you do,
i thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink i'm better off without you

when times good bad, times go moot,
you lay me down and slap me on my ass while i strut my stuff,

oh wham bam bam bam oh wham bam bam thank you, woman (x2)

i'm your second hand noop, i'm youre second hand nooooooooop,
oh yeah

you hurrrrrrrrrrrt me more than i should've let you,
and you maaaaaaaaake my life miserable

when times go bad, and times go blatant
you make me feel stupid, old, and a slut"

**click**

The Aftermath: Apparently when I wrote this parody, I just pulled "noop" out of my ass. Apparently, it's a word. Here's the definition:

1. A machine instruction that does nothing (sometimes used in assembler-level programming as filler for data or patch areas,or to overwrite code to be removed in binaries). 2. A person who contributes nothing to a project, or has nothing going on upstairs, or both. As in "He's a no-op." 3. Any operation or sequence of operations with no effect,such as circling the block without finding a parking space, or putting money into a vending machine and having it fall immediately into the coin-return box, or asking someone for help and being told to go away.

<| Sunday October 2nd, 2005 |> "I will go for as long as the pills will let me."

Day 82: --

I'm going to do a column of randomness:

another column name nomination: "Reflections In The Knife."

I ate chicken 5 times last week.

Here's a name of another poem: "Callous Man"

Favorite songs of the moment:
Billy Joel - Captain Jack
Jimi Hendrix - Voodoo Child (Slight Return)

"we need two newspaper subscriptions: one for the bathroom, one for the downstairs."

I don't understand what's happening to me. I'm not enjoying the same shows that I used to. It's like I'm more irritated than amused from watching something. And I have pretty much not chuckled at anything on TV since probably early September. Like I know the Office is funny, but it's just not making me laugh. The O.C. is annoying the living shit out of me. They're not fun to watch anymore. Desperate Housewives has really been getting on my nerves and leaving a sour taste in my mouth. I'd like to see one episode where blackmail isn't involved. And I'm getting a little sick and tired to be told to care about stuff that I really don't know anything about, or do know about but wish to ignore. It just may be human nature, but you can't force anyone feel a certain way if they really don't care or really don't want to.

<| Sunday October 9th, 2005 |> Happy 26th Birthday, Mike!

Day 89: 1751. Led Zeppelin - BBC Sessions: You Shook Me-1 -- 1810. Dave Matthews Band - The Best Of What's Around

Well it's Mike's birthday, and he's 26 now. He's officially a middle-aged old man.

Ah the Simpsons. What a piece of shit show. It's hard to believe this show has been on since December of 1989. And it's hard to believe some people think its the best show on television, let along a good show. I'm trying to think back to the time when I lived in a Simpsons-free time, and I have to go back to March of 1987.

I propose we just completely banish the Simpsons off of television. Just kill that bastard (and Fox loses like 80% of its revenue), take it out of syndication and make sure no cable network keeps showing it, and pass the torch on to Family Guy. The Simpsons are irrelevant and worn out. I remember when 3 episodes a day wasn't enough for me, and I lived and died by quotes. Now, I get angry (almost violent) with myself if I hear or say something Simpsons-esque. I can't even bring myself to watch the new episodes or any of the old good ones. Maybe that's why I'm not laughing at the shows I'm watching now. Maybe I'm not watching enough bad television to appreciate the good television, because how else would you know what's good and what's not? I think we all need to completely detox from the show for a good 10 to 20 years. But unfortunately, being the idiots we are, there are shows over 60 years old that are still being shown every single day.

Oh ya, SNL blew last night.

cold opening Bush / Cheney sketch: good. Monologue: spoof about Napoleon Dynamite (didn't get it but appreciated it). Then they had this Taco commercial, where they kept wrapping it with more and more shit (more tortilla's filled with shit, Chicago style pizza, pancake batter; deep fried; weighs like 20 pounds in the end; came with its own tote bag) but the most notable thing is that in the middle of the sketch, they cut to a still pic of a house with a "Wilson Bros. Funeral Home" sign in the front yard for 3 seconds, which I assumed was for a later sketch, and I was right.

Katlin & Rick sketch: yeah, not funny. "I just kidding" talk show: not funny either. You know, if you're going to do a sketch, at least have a joke in it!! They're relying way too much on just actor reactions than the material.

I'ma werewolf: ok, this is where Heder thinks he becomes a werewolf on a full moon. He transforms, but only grows a mustache, since apparently the wolf just barely grazed him. That was the whole joke. If you can call it that.

WU: hmmmm.... wasn't bad, but it looked like they were trying very hard not to laugh. At times, Poehler looked lost and frantic (literally spun in her chair at one point between jokes, confusing the cameraman) because she didn't have her stupid girly-girly buddy to act stupid with. Slow news week, too.

Wilson Bros. Funeral home: basically, a large group of friends have to keep going to their friends funerals because they all end up getting killed within days of each other. We find it it's a plot by the funeral director to make money, and ends up tricking the sole survivor (since he was in on it) and the funeral director conveniently called the cops to haul the sole survivor away while he was joking about the plan. It wasn't a bad sketch, but of course, Rachael Dratch botched it by moving her head when it was her turn to be dead in the casket.

Seminar sketch: this was a prop sketch. It had its joke and it was done with.

Julia the Operator at the bar: this sketch was ripped off from Seinfeld when Kramer became the telephone Movie operator. Julia would basically answer a question from her date with a question or multiple choice. It was painful.

Last sketch: I don't know what the fuck that was! There were people rapping, dancing outside of a Wendy's.

Synopsis: There were almost no jokes / way too much of "oh look at my acting, I'm funny!", way too much cue card reading (by everyone!) It's almost like they made no attempt to learn their lines.
Grade: C-

-o-

And how fitting that on John Lennon's 65th birthday, his block comes up on the Winamp experiment. Worth mentioning the block: Instant Karma (single), 1970 Plastic Ono Band (album), 1971 Imagine (album) and 1980 Double Fantasy (album).

<| Saturday October 8th, 2005 |> "get sick, get well, hangin'out at the atom mill......"

Day 88: 1703. Led Zeppelin - Custard Pie - 1750. Led Zeppelin - BBC Sessions: I Can't Quit You Baby-1

Ah, it's October, it's cold, I have my hot green tea here, football on the tv that I'm ignoring, and I'm thinking about baseball. Let's take a look back on the 2005 season.

The season pretty much started in Feb/ Mar we had our notorious obvious-steroid users testify on Capital Hill. Palmeiro says he never took steroids in an Oscar-winning performance. Then we had Sosa, who only spoke through a lawyer who understands the English language. McGwire said something, I don't remember, because he had a pill lodged on his throat. Then the whole BALCO thing came out, with Bonds admitting in court that he "accidentally" used a clear cream steroid.

This lead to a tougher steroid policy, which Selig cashed in at the right time. It must be nice to have the balls of the most powerful (and corrupt) union on the planet being crushed in a vice. Speaking of which, there was an alarming number of minor leaguers testing positive for steroids.

Let's see..... April.... we saw the 3rd D.C. team start playing, and were in 1st place in the East. We also saw the Orioles jump to a huge start and lead in their East. Bonds goes on the D.L. for most of the season. May.... not much happened in May. June, we had the usual bullshit that is "Interleague Play", with the Sox / Cubs splitting the series. July became a month of hype, where rumors polluted the internet and columns, only to see not one significant trade was made at all, because like 22 teams were still in the playoff hunt. Then we saw Ryne "doesn't belong in the Hall of Fame according to Joe Morgan" Sandberg inducted into the HOF, and took an uncharacteristic shot at Sosa in his speech, and the despicable Wade "I have a mistress in every city" Boggs inducted who left the Red Sox to join the stupid Yankees, then take a bribe in Tampa saying he'd wear their cap on his HOF plague. He has a Red Sox one. Why? Because the HOF, not the player, decides what cap, and it didn't used to be that way, but the HOF changed that rule once they saw Boggs take like $4 mil from Tampa.

Up to the All-Star game: We saw Kenny Rogers push not one, but two camera men, which to my scorn.... apologized. At the time, the Rangers were a great team and Rogers was pitching like an All-Star, and got selected to go to the team. Pressure from civil rights whacko's and other wussy people, said he had no right to go to the All-Star game because of "something he did off the field on an off-day that had nothing to do with baseball". He went, he got booed, and gave up a meaningless homerun, got suspended for most of August and struggled for the rest of the 2nd Half. This is not a happy ending.

Then we saw the Orioles completely collapse and fired their manager, while at the Break the White Sox were the best team in baseball, proving that "an idiot, even a really stupid idiot, can run a baseball club." How ironic that research proved that the Sox should had won at least 8 more games had they had a competent manager. Eventually they came back down to earth, played .500 ball thanks to their tough schedule.

Then after getting one of the rarest feats in baseball; 3000 hits; it gets revealed literally the next day that Palmeiro tested positive for steroids. Rumors said MLB knew of this months ago, but didn't want to ruin that moment. He got suspended, was booed everywhere he went, said "his knee hurt" and went on the DL, came back, got booed mercilessly, was told by the team to STAY HOME, essentially got kicked off the team. Meanwhile, the most imbecile of all baseball fans when it comes to cheering for their players; Giants fans; cheered and cheered when Barry "I don't take no....you all hate my family and me!" Bonds returned from his wobbly knees, only to tee off once again on pitchers, proving once again, there are very stupid fans in baseball. Everywhere else he went, he got booed. It's sad to see how blind people are when a guy plays on their favorite team. Say if Bonds was a Dodger, then SF fans would be throwing their wine glasses and their iPuds & cell phones at him. Unfortunately, he'll be back next year, but will be a year older. And why is this such a big deal? Because the most cherished record of all sports is the homerun record.

We saw the worst playoff team ever (Padres, 82-80) make it, the White Sox had a 15 game lead down to 1 1/2 but recovered and finished with a 6 game lead and 99 wins. The Red Sox blew their A.L. East title and for the 8th year in a row, the stupid Yankees won that. The Indians played an unbelievable 2nd Half, only to lose to a White Sox AA team in the last series and miss the playoffs. The Cardinals had things wrapped up a long time ago, and the Braves once again win their division with the Phillies missing the playoffs by 1 game. And of course, we saw the Cubs completely collapse, everyone got hurt, they booed a black player out of town, and they finished like the Cubs I knew, some games under .500 and in 4th place.

<| Monday October 10th, 2005 |> "well I'm the little fed blogger...too lazy to scroll..."

Day 90: 1811. Dave Matthews Band - What Would You Say -- 1856. Dave Matthews Band: Live at Red Rocks 8 15 95- Warehouse

Alright, I got some shit written down, let's see if I can put anything together.

"this is what I hate about live performances in music. I can't stand people who scream, go "whooooooo!", specially females who scream during concerts. I also can't stand whistling. I didn't pay to hear your stupid screaming or whistling, I paid to hear the music. People should just clap. Or snap their fingers. Shut up! Just shut up and listen to the music playing! Yeah, ok, I get it, you understand what song it is 15 seconds into it, we get it, you're oh so smart. And I don't care if "you love the singer". Shut up!

Don't be surprised if you see my headlights in the parking lot."

-o-

Ah yes, my Purification Diet, foods I'm not eating anymore. Some people are confused by this, but this list includes: sausage (tho in very small doses in pizza), bratwurst, hot dogs, ice cream, cookies, chocolate, McDonalds (of course), french fries (when i can help it), cake, pie, brownies, ham, pork, grilled cheese sandwiches with bacon, excessive bacon, candy. This list will grow.

-o-

"Oh this stupid show! Get a pen and write this down! These are the sponsors we'll be boycotting."

<| Wednesday October 12th, 2005 |> "kill a Yankee fan, win a million dollars."

Day 92: 1857. Dave Matthews Band: Live at Red Rocks 8 15 95 - #36 -- 1940. Ted Nugent -- Dog Eat Dog

Well as a White Sox fan, I should probably should comment about last night's extremely controversial call that tied the ALCS at 1-1.

Basically, it was the bottom of the 9th at Comiskey Park / Sox Park / U.S. Sellout Field, score tied at 1-1, and there's two outs. Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski swings at what would had been ball 4 low near the ground, swings anyway, thinks Josh Paul, the Angels catcher (and former White Sox player & lifelong White Sox fan from Buffalo Grove, IL) caught the ball in the dirt. A.J. strikes out, there's 3 outs in the inning, but A.J. decides to run to 1st, because you can because the 3rd Strike was not caught cleanly (or clearly), and if that ball hits the ground at all on the way to the plate for that 3rd strike, the catcher must tag the runner. That's why we see pitcher's strike out 4 batters in an inning. And those count as K's for the pitcher, and there's 3 outs in an inning, but they keep playing. It's quite a bizarre rule in baseball.

Replays show that the ball was caught very close to the ground, and it was Paul's fault for having his mitt facing down & it was his fault he didn't tag A.J. and instead tossed the ball to the mound while the Angels walked off the field. And of course, A.J. makes it to 1st, the Angels bitch and bitch, but the call stands. Pablo pinch-runs, steals second on an 0-2 count, then Joe "I got doubled off at 2nd base on a throw from left field with 2 outs that killed the 7th inning rally in a 1-1 game" Crede, somehow hacks a linedrive off the left field wall for a winning RBI-double. It's very rare to win a ball game when both of your runs were unearned and you won with 3 outs in the 9th inning.

Now, for the call. Now, do I think the ball ever hit the ground? I want to believe that the ball hit a speck of dirt. But then, I think about how that same ump called Konerko out on a check-swing which he didn't go around nor did the ump ask for an appeal. Or all the other bad calls in the series, and the unbelievably low strike being called all night. So I really don't care nor do I feel bad that the Sox may have stolen this win, because a "W" is a still a "W" and there's nothing Selig can do about it. Umpire mistakes are a huge part of the game. How many balls did we see get called strikes and vise-versa? How many homeruns this season were over-turned, even tho its one of the easiest calls in baseball to make? As least for the Angels, they got appeals from all 6 umps on the field, and they all said the same thing.

Lost in all of this madness is the gem Buehrle pitched, 9 innings, 5 hits, 1 run which was a solo shot, no BB's & 99 pitches, and Scioscia said the Angels played sloppy. Oh yeah, I want to kick Joey Cora's ass. On a error-ridden play, Rowand hits a triple, clearly out of gas, the ball goes maybe 40 feet from 3rd base, and Cora sends Rowand home anyway. Out by 5 feet. And Joe Crede is fielding like shit. The whole team just looks lost on that field. Maybe it's the big crowds. White Sox teams aren't used to playing in front of people, and personally, I like it that way, because A) the team actually has a much better record in small crowds and B) when I go to games, it makes it that much easier to get there / park / move around / leave. Going to a ballgame shouldn't be a 6 to 8 hour process.

And one more comment, quoting froma Kiss song:

"I..... stole your love!"

<| Thursday October 13th, 2005 |> "oh chef... do you, do you, do you, do you want my clove?"

Day 93: 1941. Ted Nugent - Motor City Madhouse -- 2030. The Police - King Of Pain

My Insane Winamp Experiment is moving along nicely. I wrapped up a huge Dave Matthews block in two days. Some other comments:

"What's the deal with Yoko Ono on the "Double Fantasy" (1980) album? Most of the time she's singing like she's Snow White in a grassy field and hanging out with the smiling rabbits and birds. This isn't the lunatic artsy-fartsy howling Yoko that I remember!"

"solo-John Lennon; early '70s. You can tell John wasn't the pop-source of the Beatles, but every single song is personally directed, which I suppose a lot of solo albums did that shit in the '70s. When I sift through post-Beatle LP's, I wonder how many people.... in the 1970s.... would make their cassette tape mixed alternately with solo-John, Paul / Wings, George & Ringo songs, in some kind of attempt to make a faux Beatles album. Which basically, was actually what the White Album & Abbey Road was. I assume people were pretty bored in the '70s."

"DMB isn't bad, but it's not great either. There's some really good songs that I like a lot, but the overall essence of the music is a mystery to me, which makes it hard to enjoy it more. Also I'm not some middle class white suburban guy folding laundry in his dorm while listening to DMB on the iPud whose sole motif to get laid after taking his girlfriend to a DMB concert. Also what makes it frustrating is Dave's groggy voice which is hard to understand at times. I still chuckle at the thought of Dave singing the song (from the Crash album) "# 41" in concert, and he gets to the long line of at the end of the first verse: "But the difficulty is com....ing herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre!" that he'd start choking halfway into it."

"Van Morrison. I only have a single and "Moondance" (1971). While Van himself would probably call me an "asshole" and beat me up for listening and liking his music, but "And It Stoned Me" is one of my favorite songs with its horn arrangements that to this day I'm still humming every now and then."

"Nirvana. Yeah, I remember when this was the biggest band of shit back in the early 90s. I really didn't connect with any music during the first 4 years of that decade (probably because I had no CD player nor license to drive around and listen). I was more into baseball and drawing / cartooning than music. I can see how mind-blowing this band was for its time and the grunge movement, but it just doesn't do anything for me. I don't know if it's the arrangements, or the constant strumming of distorted & loud electric guitar, or how I have no respect for the singer, but I'm not a fan."

"The Best of Ted Nugent. This covers his '70s stuff & is probably all I'd need from his catalog, and he was the bridge; after all; between Jimi Hendrix and Eddie Van Halen. "Stranglehold" is one of my all-time favorite songs....especially for its excess and subject matter. And "Wango Tango" is so wonderfully retro-sounding."

"The Best of Tom Petty. I absolutely love his '70s stuff. That's the best music I've heard in years. If I ever start buying CD's again, I'll have to seriously consider getting the first 4 or 5 albums."

<| Friday October 7th, 2005 |> "did you have a bad experience?"

Day 87: --

Football isn't about execution... it's about who fucks up less. Enjoy your Saturday College football. Prepare for upsets.

<| Friday October 14th, 2005 |> "Yeah, she likes to party!"

Day 94: 2031. The Police - Wrapped Around Your Finger -- 2043 The Police: 1979 Orpheum WBCN - Boston Broadcast: - Peanuts.

Farting around, I came up with a new burger. I call it, "the double-double cheddar melt"

Lacking a better name, here's how it goes:

Two beef patties, seasoned with choice meat salts & onion powder. Grilled on medium for X-amount.
1 kaiser roll. Sliced, then both slices spread with soft butter and seasoned with garlic powder. Eventually put on grill to be toasted.
Super sharp cheddar cheese sliced into slivers. Eventually put on top of burgers to melt during grill.
1 piece of white bread toasted.
sharp cheddar cheese spread.

It gets started with the heel where the 1st pattie is placed. Next, the toasted white bread gets a layer of sharp cheddar cheese spread on and is placed over the first pattie. Whatever spare super sharp cheddar is lying around gets put on. Finally, the 2nd patties and the top bun. Viola. You got yourself a pretty tasty cheddar melt with a hint of garlic. If you don't like melted cheese, then you can omit that procedure. Yes, a damn fine toasty burger. I never said it was "good" for you!

<| Saturday October 15th, 2005 |> "your girlfriend wears way too much makeup."

Day 95: 2044. 1979 - The Police: Live: Orpheum WBCN Boston Broadcast - Roxanne - 2068. Iggy Pop & The Stooges - Fun House

ND is the prevaricator.

ND is the equivocator.

ND is the scammer. The hustler. The shark. The deluder. The swindler.

This should teach you from ever wanting to benefit from an Irish win. They always find a way to screw you over, whether it's losing to your rival, not scoring enough points to cover the spread, or your fantasy picks or just being plain-ass shitty.

USC just beat ND today (# 1 vs # 9). With 0:07 seconds left, USC fumbled the ball out of bounds at the ND 1, which apparently the officials didn't realize the clock was supposed to stop. Time expired, the ND coaches and fans ran onto the field in celebration, thinking ND won 31-28. But after which felt like 12 minutes, the officials gathered and put the time back on the clock, and the fans and coaches had to be forced off the field. Of course, let's not forget the huge pass play for 61 yards on 4th and 9 into extremely tight coverage that set this up, plus the 1st down a few plays later that stopped the clock to set up the rushing TD winner. Apparently, this game had implications for FSU that I wasn't aware of, for USC to lose to help FSU get to the National Championship (which they were in it until they lost to Virginia (why or how, I don't know). And I like to point out that I think the ND band are a bunch of cocky assholes that need to have their blow horns shoved up their asses.

Also, ND ruined their "lucky" kelly green jerseys (which I seem to recall, have lost in them the past two games, the other I think against Boston College a few years ago) by darkening it to a forest green shade, which looks like a total Colorado St. rip-off.

ND is the dealer whose you stare into the vacuum of its eyes, it calls you, you can't refuse.

Seriously, don't ever count on ND.

<| Sunday October 16th, 2005 |> "Billy Joel - Crashing My Car.mp3"

Day 96: 2069. Iggy Pop & The Stooges - L.A. Blues - 2094. Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop

The White Sox are going to the World Series!!!! First time since 1959. Suffice to say, I still can't believe it. I can't believe they won 3 in a row on the West Coast, which is something they haven't done in like 15 years, maybe even longer. And then, which made me cringe in every 8th and 9th inning.....Ozzie leaving in the starters. They were tiring, their pitches sailed way up in the zone, and you have one of the best bullpens in baseball, but haven't pitched an inning in over two weeks. Who in the hell pitches 4 back-to-back complete games?? You'd figure the batters would cash in on a tiring pitcher facing them for the 3rd and 4th time, but apparently not. I guess the element of a tired arm and the unpredictability of the pitch was enough to throw off the batters. The Angels just plain-ass sucked. And what surprised the hell out of me, was Vlad Guerrero going 1 for 20. That's a .050 batting average! To me, he's the most dangerous hitter in the AL, but apparently he had some kind of injury.

Yes, I am very happy. I'm not used to the Sox playing this late into the season. As for the opponent, it doesn't matter if it's the Astros (up 3 games to 1) or the Cardinals. Both have good hitters and tough starting rotations. If the Sox do what they're supposed to do, get on base, move the runners over, pitch well and don't walk guys and don't make stupid mistakes in the field, then they should be alright. World Series (what?) starts at U.S. Cellular Field (what?) for the White Sox (what?) on Saturday night, October 22nd

<| Monday October 17th, 2005 |>   "Memories: 1 entry : (entry deleted)"

Day 97: 2095. Ramones - Beat on the brat -- 2206. R.E.M. - Turn You Inside Out

**tape recorder stops**

band members: "heeeeeey, that was pretty good"   "yeah!"   **band happy and content babble**

engineer in booth: "um guys, that song was only 0:37 seconds long."

band members: "wha...?" "that had to be at least 2 minutes long!"

engineer: "you gotta make it longer! you'll never be able to fill out an album at this rate!"

band members: "oh come on!"   "it's not about the fans, it's about our music!"   "that's their fuckin' problem!"   "we could make 45 tracks an album, couldn't we?"   "I need beer."

engineer: "come on, guys, repeat a verse or something. add a keyboard solo or use a 2nd chord or somethin'. just do SOMETHING."

band members: "oh I don't know." "hand me that fortune cookie. we'll use that."   "let's cut this shit."

engineer: **sigh**

band members: "1 2 3 4!"   **band starts playing**   **repeats fortune vocally 18 times in 0:28 seconds**    **stops**

band members: "yeah!"   "alright!"   "whoo!"

engineer: "just terrible, guys."

band members: "I still think people would rather hear 25 short songs than 7 crappy long ones."   "let's trash the studio."

END

<| Wednesday October 19th, 2005 |> "just say no to drugs & orgies!"

Day 99: 2233. Rolling Stones - Around and Around -- 2331. Rolling Stones - Turd On The Run.

The NBA now has a dress code during the regular season requiring players to wear "casual business attire", suits and ties, shirts with collars or turtlenecks, slacks and dress shoes when players are on team charters, public appearances and hotel rooms. No longer can players wear jeans, sneakers, crooked baseball caps, jewelry, sunglasses to hide their bloodshot eyes, headphones or any other baggy clothes or street-gear. Scratched players on the bench must wear suits and ties.

Well how do I feel about this? Good!! There's so many thoughts on this subject. You can thank Michael Jordan for this rule, who always wore suits wherever he went. It's also a hypocritical rule, because the NBA thrives off of its "thug" image suddenly it wants to clean up its image? If the NBA really wants to clean up its image, they should install hockey-style boards so players can't run into the stand and beat up fans.

And then there's the civil rights part of this. Players feel violated that they can't wear what they want when they want. But, yet, most people in the business world (blue collar or white) are required to dress a certain way for their jobs. The company has guidelines for professional attire, and since its their company, they have the right to image and present themselves in a way see fit (you wouldn't send out a spokeswoman of a makeup company not wearing their product). Suppose the dress code was the opposite..... that players were required to wear baggy shorts and street-gear all of the time. Personally, I wouldn't like it, but that's just personal preference. My view is on the long end of the stick, and I'm not going to feel bad about it.

There's a few ways to go about this. NBA players will be subject to a fine for violations (monitored by teams themselves). It's amazing how much NBA players will pay just to wear a baseball cap crooked. Also, if you don't like it, then you don't have to play for the NBA. It's as simple as that. Also, I have no sympathy because it's professional athletes making millions of dollars a year. I hope these players realize this and gain some perspective (ha!) They're spoiled motherfuckers. They're playing a game for a living! (I have to say that everytime some millionaire complains about something).

<| Tuesday October 18th, 2005 |> "they ran out of ideas so bad they had to steal from their own old songs!"

Day 98: 2207. R.E.M. - Hairshirt -- 2232. R.E.M. - You

I'm glad this one Catholic High School in Long Island canceled prom. Good, I say! Fuck the fucking farce. This principal, who is a Brother, decided he got sick and tired of the elaborate expensive shit that goes with prom for sheer "vanity". The school is no longer responsible, and it's up to the parents if they want to give a prom to their kids or not.

While I agree it should be up to the parents, teens don't need this shit. There's always going to be those terrible parents who don't give a shit what their teens do, and will still provide all the limo's, booze, places to party in, etc. And it's to the point that kids / parents are spending thousands of dollars for this prom shit, on dresses, hotels, parties and over $20,000 on houses in the Hamptons. With of course, the media blames, well� the pop culture media. It seems like every young popular female role model is some rich, slutty celebrity. Of course, today's youth dress up like whores, but that's another topic.

What's the point of prom, anyway? To make teens feel like royalty or something? Oh ya, prom is about wasting money, partying, getting laid, getting drunk, doing drugs and be given a free pass to fuck off all night. This is school is just doing it out of principle and spite (which I totally respect) and probably for legal issues.

So who's behind prom? The evil tuxedo & gown shops, hotels, the limousine industry, stupid parents who keep opening their wallets, the schools (I'm sure they pick up some nice profit with ticket sales & corporate sponsors) and of course, the overall stupidity of teenage youth. It's just another bogus money-making machine. Would you say it's unfair to punish today's kids for something that yesterday's kids did? All I can say is.... I never got to go to a Led Zeppelin or Doors concert, or see Jimi Hendrix play live. That's life. Just like when I went to school, there was no internet or text messaging.

And it's not like anyone *ever* got pregnant, raped, screwed over financially or died from prom. It's just a glorification party that's gone on too long and is getting too big. Even tho it's only one school, I hope it sets up some kind of paragon. And judging the way society today is, it's only getting worse, not better.

You little shits. You're not innocent at all.

<| Thursday October 20th, 2005 |> "Dave Matthews Band - Somebody Broke My Bong.mp3"

Day 100: 2332. The Rolling Stones - Ventilator Blues -- 2431. Simon & Garfunkel - Bye Bye Love

I have this feeling I'm going to get arrested some day. What for, or how, I have no idea. I won't ever be caught with firearms or drugs. It just makes me wonder. I don't WANT to get arrested! Believe me on that. But it's always lurking around the corner, like say, death, the future Mrs. or that would-be mugger.

Would I go berserk in some place? Would it be at work or in front of a stranger? Will I be cold or will I be wet? Will I run or will I peacefully go? Will I be caught off-guard or will I get beaten down and bleed? Will it be daytime or nighttime? Will I be at a bar or a friend's house or neither? Would I be proud or would I be embarrassed? Will I have a weapon, and if so, would I use it? Would I survive in jail? What would happen to my stuff and my bills and my home if I stay in jail long? It's going to happen someday. There's no escaping it, there's no running from it, there's no planning it. It'll probably come from a brief lapse of complete insanity. Tho the idea of running thrills me. I always run fast when I'm scared to shit. I wonder how I'd out-run the cops and how I'd get the handcuffs off.

How will I look in court? Will I have short hair and be clean-shaven, or will I be in Big Lebowski-mode with long-ass hair and a beard in a bathrobe? Will I lash out at the judge or just stare like a statue?

And what would it say on my rap sheet when future employers see that on my record? It really makes me wonder. "Oooooooooo..."

<| Friday October 21st, 2005 |> " ... which btw, did not explode or break the microwave as I hoped."

Day 101: 2432. Simon & Garfunkel - Cecilia -- 2480. Santana - Incident At Neshabu

**Mr. Hump enters the boardroom**

Mr. Hump, speaking to his two advisors: "Man, that bitch Bartha is killin' my show. I should fire her ass. And I can because I own NBC. I'm the only thing keeping this crummy network alive."

Mr. Hump: "Ok, listen up, you assholes. You're doing a horrible job, but we can work on that. Your task this week, ....

.....is to design the hottest xmas toy ever seen! It's gotta be small, it must explode, it must shoot paint, it must be sharp, it's gotta be cuddly and cute with mass appeal to all ages, it's gotta slice and dice, and it's gotta have a phone & have internet access & download news && games and interact with every game console and electric product that's hot on the market. And its gotta change color depending on the mood of the user, it's gotta be anti-theft, and be cute and masculine. Then you're going test it out in the Mall, and do some consumer research. I gotta plane to catch. Get to work!"

Everyone but Emma C.: "Thank you, Mr. Hump."

The contestants get to work, plan out some idea and do some stuff. 2 very frantic and busy days pass, and Mr. Hump calls for an emergency boardroom meeting with the contestants.

Mr. Hump: "What's wrong with you maggots??! I had to cut short my meeting! I was introducing another new pizza idea! And it was gonna make me a whole lotta money! It was a brilliant idea! But now, I come back, and I find out you destroyed the entire Mall, spent over $50 million of MY own money, crashed 4 vehicles, you failed at the task, and 17 people are DEAD."

Emma H.: "Mr Hump!! Emily was being a total bitch!!"
Emily R.: "That is SO not true!"
Emma H.: "She is the reason we lost the task!"
Emily R.: "She is too bitchy and hard to work with!"
Emma H.: "She is unreasonably moody!"
Emily R.: "That is SO not true!"
Emma H.: "Your shoes are so ugly!"
Emily R.: "Go back to State!"
Mr. Hump: "I don't want to hear it!!!! I'm sick of your meaningless petty woman bullshit!"

Emily M. "Mr. Hump, the basis was we were under-staffed, under-funded, we needed more time....and."

Mr. Hump: "...17 people are dead!!!!"

Tim S.: "Mr. Hump, we did the best we could with the resources at hand, altho Jeff wasn't a good team player, and..."

Mr. Hump: "DEAD. They're DEAD!!"

Jeff: "Mr. Hump, Tim was on some kind of ego power trip, and..."
Tim S.: "Oh fuck you, Jeff."

Mr. Hump: "And what's this shit I'm hearing?? What the hell were you doing?? You were using MY computer to steal copyrighted material? You could go to jail for that! You're going to get fined! I'm reporting you to the FCC!! And Tim, you're fired!"

Jeff: **pumps fist** "Hahaha YES!"

Mr. Hump: **points finger** "Oh don't celebrate just yet, Jeff. I don't like your idea at all that the toy gave off very high levels of radiation. That would have lead to tumors and that's a company liability. Jeff, you're fired."

Jeff: **slams fist on table**

Emma C.: "I just wanna say, that, like, the team like, totally blackballed me and stuff...and like, they like, set me up to fail at the task and y'all."

Mr. Hump: "You have the most annoying voice I have ever heard in my life. It pains me to my stomach when I hear you talk. I just wanna build a sound-proof booth around you! And as for the rest of you, nobody seems to care that 17 people are DEAD."

Emma M.: "You are SO the weakest link on the team, Emma!"
Emma C.: "Fuck you, Emma!"
Emma M.: "Fuck you, Emma!"
Emma C.: "You are such a bitch!"
Emma M.: "You are so manipulative, bitchy, controlling, you don't work well with anyone and nobody likes you!"
Emma C.: "Your presentation was horrible! Your focus was so lost, and.."
Emma M.: "You weren't a team player! You probably slept your way to the top, didn't you!"
Emma C.: "So what?!"
Emma M.: "None of your ideas were any good, and..."

Mr. Hump: **stands up** "Alright!! That's it!!! I'm sick of this shit! I'm fucking shutting this shit down! You're all fired! Get out of my sight! You people make me sick! You shouldn't be allowed to breed, let alone run a company! **looks at camera** Screw you, NBC. I'm done with this train wreck." **slams door**

Voice-over: "Tune in next year for the next season with all-new episodes of The Apprentice..on NBC!"

<| Monday October 24th, 2005 |> "use some logic!"

Day 104: 2549. Talking Heads - New Feeling. - Talking Heads: Live - Crosseyed And Painless

Ah Monday. Let.s see....

Unfortunately, Tina Fey returned to SNL even sooner than expected after giving birth to her evil demon child. T-Mobile tool Zatherine Zeta-Jones (I am so sick of those commercials) hosted SNL, which I did not pay attention to or watch at all because I was too busy in another world where the White Sox won game 1 of the World Series. And while this sounds incredibly sexist, SNL always sucks when women host. And it doesn't matter to me how hot the hostess is, their genre of humor just isn't as funny to me. Plus SNL has an ulterior motive to put as many women on the show & writing staff as possible, in revenge for "the Bad Boys" era of SNL (1990-93), nevermind that era was the show's 2nd best era writing, material and ratings-wise, still to this date. Shows with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton were complete disasters, because neither one has an ounce of comedic genius in them.

It was very, very cold this weekend, but it is going to warm up back to 70s this week.

I need to get a hair cut and change the oil in my car this week.

Hot peppers are the best peppers.

Would you live your life any different if you knew there was no afterlife?

I am not doing anything for Halloween. I haven't celebrated it since I was in the 6th grade which was like 15 years ago and for the 1st time in my life, I will not be watching the Simpson's Halloween Special (which is always on in mid-November, naturally) because I absolutely hate the show now and for what it stands for. Plus I don't get the whole point of Halloween, and personally, I find anything to do with witches, ghosts, goblins, zombies, monsters or witchcraft kinda nerdy and dumb. Plus I never liked dressing up, nor would I ever put on a rubber mask (smells like shit / couldn't breathe right) and of course, it was always cold and raining on Halloween. Oh, and don't bother coming to my door, because I will not be giving out candy. Bah humbug.

<| Saturday October 22nd, 2005 |> "Yeah, that's Chet. He's the only guy I know that can fart on cue."

Day 102: --

Wow! Game 1 of the World Series! It's still very hard to fathom the idea of this team being in the World Series, since it's instinct for Chicago baseball fans to watch someone else win it.

Let's see.... It was cold; like 50 degrees with a little wind, and the rain stayed away. Contreras started game one, who was deemed the best 2nd half pitcher in baseball. Contreras hasn't been as sharp he was, in fact, he hit 3 batters tonight (tho they were all jersey-nicks and they leaned into it), including back-to-back. Ah, this was the Contreras I know! The Sox never trailed in the game, for once, the Sox gave Contreras good run support with 4. Clemens gave up 3 runs and left after the 2nd inning with an injury, and nobody knows if he'll be back to pitch at all. Sox catch another huge break. Of course, leaving Contreras in to pitch the 8th was once again the insane Ozzie-logic that every starter can pitch a complete game. Cotts and Jenks struck out 5 of the 6 batters they saw, and Jenks blew away Bagwell with all 100 mph heaters. It was all tied up at 3-3 on one point, but Crede hit the game-winning solo homerun in the 4th, and the Sox added a huge insurance run in the 8th with an AJ Pierzynski single, and who surprised EVERYONE in the ballpark by stealing second, and he just fucking robbed it, too. He was half-way to 2nd base before the pitcher Springer even started his wind-up, and the righty never even looked towards 1st. Eventually iPods would hit a triple in the gap for AJ to score the insurance run; 5-3.

Yeah, that's all out of order, but I don't care. Tye-Dye hit a homer in the 1st of Clemens; opposite field shot. Contreras recorded 7 innings, gave up 6 hits, 3 runs, 2 K's and no BB's. The White Sox have won game 1 of the 2005 World Series! Bernie Mac was at the game tonight (probably the biggest celebrity White Sox fan) and tomorrow night, Brian's dad; Pat O'Donnell will be at the game, and it'll be Pettitte vs. Buehrle, two lefties with similar pitching styles. It's going to be very cold (45) and rainy.

<| Sunday October 23rd, 2005 |> "PeoplePC sucks dick"

Day 103: 2481. Santana - Mother's Daughter - 2548. Talking Heads - Uh-Oh, Love Comes To Town

Game 2 of the 2005 World Series. Man, what a game. The Astros took an early 1-0 in the 2nd inning on a homerun by some guy with a beard. The bottom half, the Sox stringed some basehits together, actually, there were a few Astros fielding miscues, one that hit the left field wall that probably should had been caught, and a high pop-fly to shallow right field bounced off Biggio's glove which allowed AJ to score from 3rd, to give the Sox a 2-1 lead. The Astros came back immediately and scored 3 runs on some shit, and it was 4-2 for a long time. Then in the 7th inning, the White Sox loaded the bases with Konerko. Astros put in their best bullpen pitcher, only Konerko swings on the first pitch and hits a grand slam to the left seats about 15 rows back. 6-4. Pollite pitched a perfect 8th. The top of the 9th got scary, Jenks was in. He gives up a basehit, walks the next batter, which was bullshit because he didn't get any close calls. He strikes out the next batter, then the next batter hits a weak grounder to the pitcher, 2 outs, but the runners advance to 2nd and 3rd. Next fucking pitch, some stupid asshole pinch hitter Vizcaino barely hits a low pitch into left field. 1 runner scores, and the 2nd one was just *barely* safe on a very close play. 6-6 going to the bottom of the 9th. Uribe grounds out. Then Scott Podsednik, gets a belt-high fastball, and fucking drives it to right-center field in the gap. Except for one thing.... the ball was still very elevated. The man who hit no homeruns in the regular season, had just hit his 2nd one in post-season to give the White Sox a 7-6 walk-off homerun victory in Game 2 of the 2005 World Series.

Man, that 9th inning was a roller coaster, the kinds of innings that make a person schizophrenic. Tho Jenks was due, and apparently they weren't allowing him to throw any curves (even tho they're sharp as hell) but whatever. At least he didn't give up a lead, and I'm glad the game ended. It had been drizzling / raining all night, which in the 5th / 6th innings the game should had been delayed but didn't. Game 3 will be Oswalt vs. Garland on Tuesday, and will be in Houston, where they enjoy Dr. Pepper and climate controlled baseball weather.

<| Wednesday October 26th, 2005 |> "I don't make the rules, I just break them."

Day 106: --
Game 4. It's over. The Chicago White Sox are the WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS OF 2005!!!!

<| Tuesday October 25th, 2005 |> "cities without buildings"

Day 105: 2481. Santana - Mother's Daughter - 2548. Talking Heads - Uh-Oh, Love Comes To Town

Game 3.

I was an absolute nervous wreck. Being down for the first 4 innings with an Astros 4-0 lead was depressing (one which was an Astros homerun that landed 6 inches left of the yellow in left-center field, which should had been ruled as in-play, but instead was ruled a homerun. The rule is, the ball has to clear above the yellow line, just hitting it doesn't mean it's a homerun. And why it's yellow on a light beige wall, I don't know. It should be something darker like orange or red).

Then the Sox scraped together 5 runs off Oswalt, who was the NLCS MVP, including a 420 foot shot to centerfield by AJ (which at any other ballpark would had been gone) that rolled up Tal's Hill, the Astros tribute to the old Crosley Field.

The 8th inning was fucking unbearable, 4 pitching changed while lead to like 30 minutes of horrible commercials that I'm so sick of seeing; Ozzie used percentages of lefty vs. lefty / righty vs. righty, which none worked out (all walked / got on base) used 3 Sox pitchers; while at other times DIDN'T play the percentages by having Garland keep pitching to Berkman, who got to bat on his strong side instead of turning him around. And what's even more pathetic, is the Astros got zero hits after the 8th inning (only 8 in the 14 inning game) and left the winning run in scoring position stranded 10 times and 12 overall after the 8th, and stranded 15 in the game. The only thing that kept the Astros in this game is that the Sox walked 12 guys & hit one batter, which was a curveball that got away from Jenk's hand. But the Sox got the called third-strike when they needed it the most.

As for the Sox, it was nerve wracking to see all those pitching changes; Jenks had to pitch 2 innings, and Marte had to pitch, which surprisingly he did well (very unlike him), and just when there were two outs in the 14th with runners on the corners, Uribe botches a grounder which would had ended the game. Then Mark Buehrle, game 2 starter, had to come in and get the final out, which came at like 1:22am. The game took 5 hours and 44 minutes to play, thanks to the endless Fox commercials and stupid celebrities singing their shit before and during the game.

The Sox won the game on Geoff Blum's homerun (out of all people) who hadn't played in 2 months, came over in a trade from San Diego, the only Sox mid-season dealing, who came over in to basically sit on the bench; who's not really a homerun hitter at all, hit a line drive homer to right field that bounced off the railing about 8 rows back. Eventually the Sox got another hit, an infield hit and two walks, the 2nd one with the bases loaded to get an insurance run and take a 7-5 lead. Keep in mind this all happened with two outs, after the slowest man on the planet, Paul Konerko, hit into a double play. After the Sox scored their runs, Phil Garner was seen throwing a chair in the dugout in disgust.

So the White Sox have taken a 3-0 lead in the 2005 World Series. I am taking nothing for granted because nothing has been won yet, tho it does look good and every team who ever had a 3-0 lead in the World Series won it, but we'll see. Not having Carl "Fuck you I eat turkey whenever I feel like it!" Everett at DH really, really sucks, and the Astros double-switch potentially could have really screwed over the Sox had they not choked. Before the game, the Astros players were bitching that MLB ordered them to keep the dome open, but the Astros complained they "lost all home field advantage because they win so much with the roof closed". Keep in mind, it was like in the 60s & clear skies at game time. It's very strange how MLB "owns" the World Series. They have the authority to rule over teams wishes, they control almost all of the tickets, and they start and stop the game whenever they want to over the umpires.

Tomorrow it's Garcia vs. Backe.

<| Saturday October 29th, 2005 |> "oh can't you seeeeee, it hurts when i peeeeeee..."

Day 109: 2679. The Velvet Underground - Femme Fatale -- 2778. Frank Zappa - Hungry Freaks, Daddy

Football uni's: what a sorry state.

On Thursday, VT trotted out with a new Nike (of course) uniform, on the maroon jersey, with the left shoulder cut out and inserted orange. The Florida Gators also did something like this:

Absolutely fucking horrible and idiotic. Tho I suppose if you hate those teams, then you'd prefer for them to look like shit, lol. Who the hell comes up with these ideas??? There is nothing "uniform" about that design; it's counterproductive. This is just stupid companies throwing anything to the wall and seeing if it sticks. I'm getting a little sick and tired of these weird jersey designs, with their side panel cut-outs and swooshes, and this piping trim all over, yoke cut-outs, putting like 3 different colors on like it's a Cosby Sweater. And the worst thing is, the team has no control whether or not to wear the pieces of shit, because Nike controls everything they wear, and Nike owns their ass. Nike could make a pink jersey with little red hearts all over it, and there isn't a god damn thing the team can do to stop it. This kind of problem didn't happen in the 1980s or even early 90s, back when teams and equipment managers had all of the control over such things. Thankfully, this was just a one-time alternate jersey promotion, but unfortunately, that's new Nike shirt, where it'll be one color all over except for the other arm (as shown in the VT photo).

Alright, now we downshift from College to the NFL. I guess the NFL doesn't care about anyone over 25 anymore with its marketing schemes. This isn't the NFL that I grew up watching, with its billion dollar contracts and its eight 4-team divisions, and your fancy graphics constantly spinning and scrolling, and its merchandise geared towards those who roam on the playground or basketball court. Also with its cholesterol-laden players who are dropping dead and having strokes on the field, dreadlocks covering over the name or appearing in soup commercials. And the only thing worse than watching the NFL, is watching 4 idiots TALK about the NFL!

Can't wait until a 7-9 team makes the playoffs. NFL, you deserve it, baby! And it'll probably come from the NFC North, since right now its 3-3, 3-3, 2-4 and 1-5, and that'd be so sweet as hell.

And I'm getting sick of this Field Turf shit. Football should be played outdoors on natural grass, no ifs ands or buts. I mean, who in the hell watches football indoors??? It just looks so dreary, with all of the stadium lights reflecting off the helmet and the overall depressing yellow-tint glow of that warehouse feeling. There should be no reason why a team who plays outdoor not have grass. It's just this kind of shit is why I sneer at football. And yeah my grammar is pretty bad, so I'll sneer at that, too

<| Thursday October 27th, 2005 |> "you're gonna stop...and fuck yourself."

Day 107: 2613. Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere --2675. U2 - The Refugee

Boy am I glad the U2 block of the list is over! Jesus, what a bunch of preachy, shitty music. And it seemed like all of the songs were the same! Albums were The Joshua Tree & War. But before hand, I finished up on the Talking Heads mid-80s album, and thoroughly enjoyed the Tenacious D album from 2001, which included bits like "now that's fucking team work!" "fuck her gently" "cock push-ups" "Kyle quit the band" "yeah, I want you to stick two of those nuggets up your ass!" "this is just a tribute", etc etc etc. I wonder how many takes they had to make from all of the laughing.

<| Friday October 28th, 2005 |> "Grateful Dead - (my own) Feces on the Floor.mp3"

Day 108: 2676. The Velvet Underground - All Tomorrow's Parties -- 2678. The Velvet Underground - European Son

Well today was the White Sox World Series Championship parade day, where over 1.9 million Sox fans attended. It was fucking epic. It started around 10am and lasted until 2pm. There was seriously nothing like seeing all those fans on a picture-perfect warm Autumn day in Chicago, with the Fall foliage getting reflected by the sun and confetti blown around in the wind. They showed something else about the city, on how only the people in the old buildings could actually open the windows and throw out the confetti, while the new building's windows don't even open. Some reporter on CBS-2 said that some of the confetti were shredded season Cubs tickets.

Konerko gave Reinsdorf the last-out ball, and each player got to go to the podium and hold the World Series trophy and say something. Of course, Mayor Spend-o-crat Daley opened with saying something about "winning the championship again next year." Personally, at this point, I really don't care about 2006, and shit, they could have 10 straight losing seasons and it wouldn't matter. And I really don't give a shit if the Cubs sell more tickets. It's pointless to me. Ok, so your team has more fans, big deal. That means nothing to me. I think you should be more concerned about your bullpen and how you have no outfielders, especially you're in no shape to break your own curse that the Red Sox and White Sox have broken in consecutive years (and don't expect it just because it's your turn in line in 2006). The White Sox won a baseball championship for the city of Chicago for the 1st time in 88 years, and there's not a god damn thing a Cubs fan can say to take that away. We won. And what's more important.... filling seats or winning? I think you knowthe answer.

The White Sox are the World Series Champions of 2005!

<| Sunday October 30th, 2005 |> "We don't tolerate that here in Rageville."

Day 110: 2779. Frank Zappa - I Ain't Got No Heart - 2894. Donald_Duck_Gets_Oral_Sex.mp3

So yeah, the stupid Bears won in OT. Funny how tough it is for two mediocre (there's a word I can type fast) teams to score points against each other.

And we're nearing the end of the list of the Insane Winamp Experiment. I don't know what I'm going to do next, probably let it play from start to finish again, only this time I'll just leave it running; 24-hours a day. To say this was a pleasure is lying, because over the years, my taste in music has shifted somewhat, and songs I used to love I can absolutely not stand the sound of them. It was extremely painful at times to sit there and just listen to the songs. Oh, what gimmick will I think of next?

**time passes**

And there's the last one! # 2894. Donald_Duck_Gets_Oral_Sex.mp3. The crazy insane Winamp experiment is finally over! It was quite exhilarating. And the whole point of this was to make sure I've heard every single song I had. So it came to 110 days and almost 189 hours of music. And it was all done with no background distraction / tv noise. I don't even remember what life was like before I did this list. Apparently I started doing this on July 14th, which seems like forever ago, and I remember it was hot as hell. Things started off well with some 50-song blocks, then 1 or none progress for the next week. But it really picked up in the last month, where I got a good 100-song block going daily. And suffice to say, I'm glad I don't have this list dictating my listening life anymore.

<| Monday October 31st, 2005 |> "Do not taunt Happy-Fun Ball."

Wow, this is so naked. And I feel so lost. I don't know what to listen to next! Hmmm... looking at this drab website; now that baseball season is over & no more scoreboard; maybe it's time to come up with a new website design. Speaking of new designs, apparently the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are "under construction" and are apparently in the process of changing their name! Reports say it could be "Tampa Bay Rays", dropping the "devil" / mascot for a Sun reference, or going with "Tampa Bay Whitecaps" as an ocean reference (and they could wear white hats) or "Stringrays" or the old Tampa minor league team: "Tarpons" (tampons, anyone?) or "Pelicans". My pick would be just "Tampa Rays", and go with a color scheme of maroon and yellow. Have a yellow cap with a maroon brim and the traditional all-maroon cap with a yellow interlocking & plain "TR". But what do I know? We'll find out in March of what the new idea is.

-o-

Commentary:
"man, i'm in a real 'fuck you" mood today. i just want to get in, start up some shit and rattle some cages. just go fucking nuts. just completely let loose. just fucking trash the place, flip over some chairs, chew out some people. "YOU! You....are being lame, stupid, retarded and again...LAME! Un-lame it up!" Real confrontation mood. grrr! I'm kickin' the dog!"

End of commentary.

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