July 2005 - Untitled Daily Column Project

I call this my San Diego Chargers shirt. Tho it's what they used to have and what they should have for their color scheme now. As you can see, the top is yellow, which is the collar color, and the rest is powder blue... tho the official name of the color is "collegiate blue".

In light of what super-asshole baseball player Jeff Kent saying how "horrible" it is to play MLB, since it's so "stressful" to take fielding practice before a game and being "watched" by a family of four out at the ballpark, I stumbled upon another hillbilly asshole baseball player: Todd Jones. He's this fat-ass with a mustache who's a mediocre pitcher on his 7th team. The following is the article Todd Jones wrote, and after it, my profane laden response. Of course I was angry, and still am but not as much, but it still bothers me. And I beefed up the best line in the article a bit. You'll see.

Stickie situation: What, exactly, is cheating?
By Todd Jones - Asshole.

Baseball rules clearly state that you cannot use any foreign substance on the baseball to gain an advantage -- no pine tar, Vaseline, sandpaper, shaving cream, whatever. The rules also say that hitters cannot doctor their bats to give them an advantage.

Now that we have the disclaimers out of the way, let's get to the reality: As long as I've been around the game -- and as long as there has been baseball -- people have bent the rules to gain an advantage. In the 1920s, it was the spitball. Nowadays, it's scuffing. Hitters used to rub some kind of bone on their bats to make the wood seem harder. Now they rub their bats on bathroom sinks to get the same effect.

I pitched in Denver for two years, and at a mile above sea level, I used pine tar every time I pitched at home. My thinking was that I was more than 5,000 feet in the air and was entitled to at least do that much. I never thought one thing about it. Was it cheating? My numbers say no, given that my career ERA at Coors Field is 7.64 in 59 games. It's very dry in Denver, and that makes the baseball slippery. I needed the tar to hold onto the ball. I didn't want the ball to slip and hit a hitter. At least, that was my thinking. I never considered it cheating; I was breaking even.

Last week in Anaheim, the Nationals asked that the glove of Angels reliever Brendan Donnelly be checked before he threw a pitch, and he subsequently was ejected for having pine tar in it. Sounds like an inside job to me, and perhaps Frank Robinson was tipped off. You can draw your own conclusions. I have played with guys who scuffed or used pine tar and then we've been on different teams the next year. I have been told in so many words that if a former teammate gets checked, then that player will retaliate. To me, that means, "Hey man, you didn't mind me scuffing or using pine tar when we were teammates, so don't rat me out now." And it's left alone on almost every occasion.

I've been around pitching coaches who teach how to scuff or use pine tar. There's actually an art to scuffing, and there are two fatal errors guys make. The first: They scuff too often. To get away with scuffing, you have to know when to do it. Coaches and older players who have been around a long time know when they see a scuffed ball. So you have to pick your spots. You use it when it's a big part of the game and hope to take advantage of the small window of opportunity before the other team is tipped off. The umpire usually doesn't check the pitcher until the opposing manager asks him to.

The other mistake is making the scuff too big. Don't dig a hole in the side of the ball; just lightly brush the sandpaper across the side. If you want the ball to break left, leave the scuff mark on the right side.

Now that I've told you how to scuff, the question becomes: How much can players get away with in their own clubhouses? It's funny; pine tar is no big deal to players. Everybody uses pine tar. Catchers put in on their shinguards. Infielders put it in the pockets of their gloves so the ball will stick in there. It's almost a basic part of the game. Sandpaper and Vaseline, however, are looked at as cheating. They give pitchers too much of an advantage.

For hitters, boning bats in the bathroom is not considered cheating. Corking, however, is. Guys bone their bats in broad daylight. When a guy corks, he does it in private. If you cork and word gets out, it's bad news. You're a marked man.

Though there might be a difference between scuffing and using pine tar, technically speaking, they're both against the letter of the rulebook. So here's the thing: If you get caught, don't overreact. Have a good time with it until you get caught.

So the decision to cheat is up to you. Kind of like life, huh?"

-o-

And now, the response I would have sent out as an email, tho probably with most or some of the profanity removed. It felt good to vent. Remember that.

"Todd Jones, you miserable sack of shit.

I don't give a shit if some idiot pitching coach suggested you put pine tar in your glove to help your stupid hand grip the ball better. Foreign substances are illegal in baseball... and you know it. And yet, you still did it.. no matter how thin the air was in Denver or how prevalent cheating is in baseball. It still doesn't make it right. You're a fucking cheater, you cheated the fans of baseball, you're a fucking millionaire playing a fucking game paid for by those most who don't make as much in a lifetime as you do in a season.

So why don't you go to fucking hell, you fucking mustached fat fucking hillbilly? And of course, you can write bullshit articles on yahoo.com about how you cheat and got away with it and how it goes on in baseball, of course, you have no fucking chance of making the Hall of Fame, so you just write about selling out, you fucking sell out. You make me fucking sick. Go to fucking hell. What if you were on the mound, and you were greasing the ball with pine tar while pitching to my White Sox, who were very close in the standings of trying to get into the playoffs only to have some fucking shithead cheater like you take advantage? Let me tell you something, shithead: If you're not good enough to play the game fairly, then you have no fucking business playing the game. Your fucking cheating ass deserves to be pumping gas or rotting in Triple-A ball.

You fucking people (Pro athletes) act like you live in your own sorority fantasy world, which makes it really hard to support you & the Players Union come bargaining agreement time.

Most of the fans who pay your fucking salary live in the real world where we can't cheat on / at our idiot bosses. We have to earn a living and scrimp every dollar we make.

So fuck you, fuck your wife, fuck your children, fuck your entire family and fuck you. Go to hell, shithead. You rapist. You raped the fans and the honest players of the game.

I hope you burn in hell.

P.S. How would you like it if I shitted in a bucket and shoved it down your throat?"

The End.

-o- Saturday July 2nd, 2005 -o- " I don't like pepper."

-o- Friday July 1st, 2005 -o- warning: game will send subliminal messages to make you lose.

This is my kelly green shirt. I love my new kelly green t-shirt! And I finally have a shirt for St. Patrick's day so the Irish won't spit on me anymore.

Boy, what is it about the White Sox and playing on the West Coast that always results in death, eh?

Article:

Should baseball get rid of trades? -- By Dolph Rudager

Fuck yeah they should. I'm sick and tired of hearing my June and July's of thousands of stupid trade rumors (especially when you hear it'll cost your team its prospects) for some player with a high contract coming to your team from a shitty team. I think it's stupid, a waste of time, and a lot of stress on fans that we really don't need. And I think team (and the player) should be stuck with the team they started with, and relying a lot more on their minor league scouting (the Yankees would be screwed beyond belief).

And I'd also like to see every baseball player make the exact same amount of money, let's say... $1 million a year. I'd love to see the motivation the players would show. Guys would be fighting for sitting on the bench. Guys wouldn't run hard to first or run at all. You see a pitcher throw a half-assed creampuff to a hitter who doesn't care, and barely swings and makes contact...then begins walking to first base.. while the ball travels to the shortstop who's just sitting on his ass putting shards of grass in his mouth, decides to get up and rainbows a throw to first, only the 1st baseman won't catch it because he refused to bring his glove on to the field for the inning. I'd love it!!!

Outfielders wouldn't bother diving for balls or crashing into walls... they'll just watch the ball drop. Batters would bunt and the catcher or fielder wouldn't even bother throwing to first. Or maybe a batter swings and hits a homerun, only to trot halfway to first base and turn to walk towards the dugout to sit down. Or batters swing and miss 3 times in a row just to get the at-bat over with as quickly as possible. Or maybe the pitcher would just underhand lob it towards homeplate.... if the catcher feels like catching the ball that is.

END

Yesterday's results: $-18. Total results: $-18.

-o- Sunday July 3rd, 2005 -o- "The Swearing Swede"

Wow, a plain-colored column! Man, what is it about the White Sox playing the A's? Both of Buehrle's losses are against the A's, and he has like a 8.00 ERA in Oakland. But as predicted, the A's took two out of three, so that's a sweet $30 for me.

Well this is techinically the 4th of July since it's on a Sunday. Fireworks are alright. Fireworks are of course illegal in the state of Illinois because some stupid kid blew up his head or something one year. So that means if we want fireworks, we have to go Wisconsin or Indiana, then bring them back here where they are deemed illegal and hope the cops don't catch us. Of course, with the price of gasoline these days, I heard fewer fireworks than ever. My favorites were always bottle rockets" they screeched like a motherfucker, and blew up with a loud pop along with a spark. Personally, I prefer the screamers and the very,very loud popping ones. Starbursts can only do so much.

I remember while growing up, we used to have friends go get our fireworks, and we'd pick out a bunch of them" and when I say "a bunch of them" I mean the cheapest ones they had. $4 for a package of bottle rockets, $2 for a shitload of wicks for lighting" firecrackers, and shit.. then of course, the more expensive $5 to $14 ones that shoot up and starburst. And of course, we'd save the best ones for last, only see some of them not work.

And of course, I'll never forget the 4th of July where I melted my grey pants. I wasn't paying attention (as usual) and either some match or something that was on fire somehow made it to my lap and it started melting my grey polyester pants. Other than that, the only other memories I have are sticking firecrackers in mailboxes and watching them blow open. Suffice to say, I haven't lit a firework in probably over 13 years.

Yesterday's results: $0. Today's result: $30. Total results: $12.

-o- Monday July 4th, 2005 -o- "Farmer Alfalfa and Black Peter."

And the White Sox are playing the most pointless team in baseball with the worst logo: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays. And of course, once again Sox rookie Brandon McCarthy; 6' 7", 170 pounds; couldn't get to the 5th inning. Like I said before, BMac is like a half-baked pizza.... he's just not ready yet. Mmmmmmm pizza. His control is like some raw, heavy dough and his command is like some gummy cheese. Stick him back in the oven (Triple-A) and he'll be ready next year.... hopefully.

I saw a wonderful title for a thread: What are your 10 Most annoying things in Baseball?

10. unbalanced schedule
9. no salary cap / such high player salaries / poor revenue sharing
8. advertisements on the field / walls
7. inconsistent / incompetent umps
6. hitters parks / short fences
5. 3-D embroidery on the caps (personal preference. it just looks better when the logo is flat)
4. Barry Bonds
3. The Cubs
2. the wild pitch
1. swinging on a 3-1 count.

But of course, there's others:

11. George Steinbrenner
12. Corporate named ballparks
13. weak drug testing
14. Yankees / Red Sox match-up hype

I'm sure you can think of more.

-o- Tuesday July 5th, 2005 -o- "it's illegal fireworks or nothing, for me."

30 games over .500! I can't believe it! And at the halfway point in the season, the White Sox are still the # 1 team. Frank Thomas rolled up to the batter's box with his walker, and pushed it aside to hit a game winning 3-run homer.

Alright, here's a white background for the column. Let's see how this looks. Hmm... what to write about. Hmmm.. I had a Philly cheesesteak for lunch today with fries. It was really, really good, and had tons of green peppers and mushrooms. I dunno what kind of white cheese was melted on the top, but I've never had a "true" Philly cheesesteak, and I've read they make theirs with nacho cheese or some melted cheddar or american cheese goo.

Hmm... what else... how about a definition of "boning a baseball bat" ? Guys bone their bats in broad daylight.

"Years ago, baseball players would devote hours to boning three or four select bats from an order of twelve. In 1944, in the Philadelphia Phillies clubhouse, I observed such players as Ron Northey, Buster Adams, Tony Lupien, and Bob Finley performing this procedure by using a mounted hambone attached to a table platform. On the hambone, they were rubbing the barrel of the bat against the grain to seal the pores, and to make the surface harder. However, boning is no longer necessary due to the sophisticated methods of treatment and the final finish used by bat manufacturers today." ~quote from some site that I have long forgotten about.

-o- Wednesday July 6th, 2005 -o- "tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit tit... (oh Girl)"

31 games over .500! And the Cubs/ Braves game got rained out thanks to Tropical Storm Cindy, that bitch! Haha. They'll play a doubleheader tomorrow.

And what ever happened to boxing? It used to be all over television in the 1970s and was huge for decades. Oh that's right... all of the games are fixed! And of course, there's nothing attractive or logical about boxing.

-o-

"Endangered animals: so what?" -- By Dolph Rudager

big deal.

I remember a commercial of a fake parent talking to their fake kid:

"I think the sadest thing EVER to me, would be if we went to a Zoo, and my kid said, "daddy, what's a bear?" "

HA! So we lose a few bears, tigers, lions, bugs, birds or other weird-ass rodents. Big whoop. Is the quality of our lives really going to go down? And if there's some kind of reaction (completely impossible) that another species start over-populating, we can just go about it like the deer problem and go permit-galore and shoot up their asses!

And I think Zoo's are animal prisons. And smelly. And stupid.

-o- Thursday July 7th, 2005 -o- "Plastic Soul Man."

Swept! First time the Braves have EVER swept a 4-game series in Atlanta over the Cubs! Hahaha! And there's Chief Noc--a-Homa laughing, laughing at the Cubs! Sox had the day off.

Some turd said some shit about baseball:

"The fact that every stadium has its own dimensions, rendering comparisons of any players virtually futile. Why are these unequal dimensions acceptable in baseball but would be deemed ridiculous in any other sport? (I.e imagine if one NFL team played on an 80 yard field, or if some basketball court in the NBA had a 40 foot 3 point line? It's the same in essence as 405 feet to dead center here and 410 to center there.)"

I wouldn't mind seeing different dimensions in football or basketball.

Imagine in basketball... let's say you can't touch the lane / free throw line dimensions or the hoop.... but you can re-shape the 3-point arch.. bend it.. sharpen it into a big peak... and widen the court. so that way you'd have a few more feet in the corners to shoot three's... or you could make one half of the court 10 to 20 feet shorter... then you could really play into some strategy when you have that end of the court.

And as for football, you could narrow the field or widen it at points... say from the 30 yard line to the goal line, have the field shrink width-wise 10 to 20 feet. Or maybe have the sideline a wavy line, going in and out every 10 yards. Or you could widen or shrink the end zones. Suppose you've a very Defense-oriented team..... you could have your football field in the shape of a giant diamond-esque shape... make the end zone as small as the rule book will allow. Or even better yet... build some hills on to the field! Build up some 1 to 10 feet high! Let's see what happens to football players if they need to run up a hill! Players would bit "That god damned hill in Philly [from the 40 yard line to the 20 yard line] !" I mean, most of the football fields we played on were slanted & hilly as hell... full of mud pits.. .and were poorly measured by incompetent people.

Well I think it would make both sports much more interesting, and really give meaning to home field advantage.

-o- Friday July 8th, 2005 -o- "here comes the story of the Typhoon."

Well I must say, I am VERY disappointed in Dontrelle Willis and the Florida Marlins for snapping the Cubs glorious 8-game losing streak. It was a wonderful streak while it lasted. Of course, thanks to scheduling, this is the only trip to Miami for the Cubs.... and of course it's during the time when Hurricane Dennis is in the Florida Keys. The game was still played despite extremely windy and wet conditions.

And it's finally happened: "the sick experiment known as Corey Patterson" has somewhat ended for the Cubs: he was finally sent down to Triple-A. Once again, the Cubs fans booed their asses off and another player was labeled the scapegoat and took the heat for incompetent Dusty, who of course thought a .232 hitter would be PERFECT as a lead-off man! Of course, Corey Patterson is an athlete, but he's no baseball player. This is why you don't draft guys out of high school. He thought he was smarter than the game and has no instincts whatsoever. And of course, he's never heard of Ted Williams. And of course, I'm surprised they actually sent Patterson down, that he makes $2.8 million and all. But that's the Cubs: flushing money down the toilet and hiring incapable & inapt managers and players.

I'm still waiting for "the sick Joe Crede experiment" to end too. He's in his 6th season (3rd full one) and is a career .256 hitter. Of course, I have the perfect solution: if we're going to be a bastard of a league with a DH, why only have one? The Sox biggest problem isn't defense or pitching..... it's hitting. So I figure, you could have the traditional DH for the pitcher, then have Carl Everett DH for Crede, and Ozuna DH for Juan Uribe, who is probably the worst hitter I have ever seen. So why the fuck not can't we have more than one DH? And I'm well aware that the rule book states you can only have one DH. Or maybe there's a way around that rule....and have a designated fielder. Eh, eh? Of course, wouldn't it just be more logical to bench Crede and Uribe and get better baseball players? Yep. I thought so too.

And my tip of the day: once or twice a year, save your bookmarks!!! I recently had some browser problems where I couldn't get it to open under the default user, and I lost all of my bookmarks that have taken years and hours of perfecting with moving, sorting & editing. It's real simple.... it only takes 10 seconds. Get into your bookmarks, and export them and save it, and add the current date on to the file.

And I must say: I hate the Simpsons.

-o- Saturday July 9th, 2005 -o- "....like Richard Nixon! **guitar solo**..."

Wow, the Sox got their asses beaten! Well of course it's the A's, so it's expected.....and once again, Buehrle got roughed up by the A's. If we're lucky, we won't get swept by the A's.

Oh, and I have two more things to add to my "annoying things about baseball" list:

15. National Anthem / God Bless America. I don't need this shoved down my throat every game. And it's my business if I feel like hating America.
16. Batting armor. Luckily it's being phased out. Tho there's the 'grandfather clause' like there was for flap-less batting helmets, all those who have worn the armor can keep wearing it, but the new armor will be restricted to being soft and not hard.

-o- Sunday July 10th, 2005 -o- "I am not a crook! You can all go to Hell!"

And there it is: The Sox got swept by Oakland. That's only the 2nd series we've lost all year, and both were against Oakland. So now the Sox get to go into the All-Star break with a 3-game losing streak. Other than Paul Konerko doesn't belong at the All-Star game, and that the media & everyone else says that Kenny Rogers shouldn't go to the All-Star game in Detroit because of what he did to those cameramen. Well, fuck you all. Kenny Rogers earned his trip to the All-Star game based on what he's done on the field in games. The cameramen incident was just some isolated thing that has nothing to do with his stats, and yet people can't rend the two. And of COURSE the media is going to do its best to make Rogers sound like the worst guy who ever lived, because they're a bunch of cocksuckers who stick together. I don't like you, media. I think you're all biased, brainwashed, living in your own world and play by only your rules. And you don't care about integrity. You only care about word counts and selling papers and stirring up pointless controversy. Thank god for blogs. And of course, the media is doing their best to discredit and belittle blogs as much as possible, because "they're not admirable sources". Oh, suddenly we all need some fancy journalism degree from Harvard to give news and tell it like it is? Yeah, that's right. You keep updating your blogs, people! Screw the media!

-o- Monday July 11th, 2005 -o- "don't think twice, it ain't me kid, babe."

Alright, I participated in some game online called "YNOT". Here are the questions, totaling 45 points. My answers are in bold.

THE QUESTIONS...............
1) Who will win the game (AL/NL)? (2 points) NL
2) Which team will have the most hits (AL/NL)? (2 points) AL
3) Will the AL hit 2 or more HR (Y/N)? (2 points) Y
4) Will either a Cardinal or a Red Sox be the MVP (Y/N)? (2 points) N
5) How many hits will Pujols and Lee combine for? (4 points) 1 (from Pujols)
6) How many runs will the winning team win by? (4 points) 3
7) How many total players will play in the game (out of a possible 64)? (5 points) 62
8) How many total bases will the NL have, within 2? (5 points) 19
9) How many total bases will Teixeria and Tejada combine for? (5 points) 3
10) How many hits will the AL DH slot have? (4 points) 0
11) Will either team steal a base (Y/N)? (2 points) Y
12) Will any player have 4 plate appearances (Y/N)? (2 points) N
13) Which staff will have more strikeouts (AL/NL)? (2 points) NL
14) Will either starting pitcher get the win (Y/N)? (2 points) N
15) Which team will score first (AL/NL)? (2 points) NL

-o-

Chef on TV putting the dish into the oven:
"and it shouldn't take more than 4 or 5 minutes to cook. ...lousy fucking assholes."

-o- Tuesday July 12th, 2005 -o-   "why do people always call me when i'm on the toilet?"

And here are the results. My guess in black, actual points won in red, and the result in blue.

THE QUESTIONS...............
1) Who will win the game (AL/NL)? (2 points) NL 0 AL 7-5
2) Which team will have the most hits (AL/NL)? (2 points) AL 0 tie
3) Will the AL hit 2 or more HR (Y/N)? (2 points) Y 2 Two
4) Will either a Cardinal or a Red Sox be the MVP (Y/N)? (2 points) N 2 Tejada Orioles
5) How many hits will Pujols and Lee combine for? (4 points) 1 (from Pujols) 0 tho it didn't say which Lee. Two.
6) How many runs will the winning team win by? (4 points) 3 0 two
7) How many total players will play in the game (out of a possible 64)? (5 points) 62 0 58
8) How many total bases will the NL have, within 2? (5 points) 19 0 (at least 32)
9) How many total bases will Teixeria and Tejada combine for? (5 points) 3   0 eight
10) How many hits will the AL DH slot have? (4 points) 0   0 two
11) Will either team steal a base (Y/N)? (2 points) Y 0 nope
12) Will any player have 4 plate appearances (Y/N)? (2 points) N 2 hell no
13) Which staff will have more strikeouts (AL/NL)? (2 points) NL 0 Tie w/ 6
14) Will either starting pitcher get the win (Y/N)? (2 points) N 0 Yes, Buehrle
15) Which team will score first (AL/NL)? (2 points) NL    0 AL in 2nd

Tiebreaker: Total pitches thrown by both teams combined: 224 269 NL

So as you can see, I got a whopping 6 points out of 45. I'm not good at these kinds of things.

The Corvette thing was sickening. I mean, c'mon. The pre-game / post-game was horrible. Fatso & Kennedy have absolutely no chemistry or charisma outside of the studio. And cutting off Ernie Harwell in the pre-game to go to their stupid precious commercial video shit was one of the most offensive things I have ever seen from a baseball telecast.

And the All-Star game sucked. I'm liking it less and less each year. Way too many commercials, way too much hype, way too many substitutions during innings (worst part of the All-Star game). That's why I will never attend an All-Star game. Not worth it. And it was a horrible game... it was like watching a 4-hour Chevy commerical. It is a terrible day and age we live in, where games have turned into corporate advertisments.

No surprise here that the ratings were the lowest ever... again. And where is it next year? Pittsburgh? Oh boy.

-o- Wednesday July 13th, 2005 -o- "pine wood smells good."

Homemade big mac: better than any I ever had.

heel bun topped with mixture of fresh chopped lettuce and 1000 Island dressing.
then grilled burger pattie topped w/ onions. grilled w/ american cheese slice on top then burger flipped over so the cheese is on the bottom
piece of white bread with 1000 Island dressing spread topped with chopped lettuce
seasoned pattie from the grill topped with freshly diced onions
sesame bun

And viola! There it is. no pickles, tho. that's just a waste of time. And it was better than I ever got from Mcdeth. There was more meat than there was bun.. it was fresh, it was juicy, it was tasty. And it wasn't the salty, dry, messy or a mouthful of bread... and it actually filled me up.

And yes, there is satisfaction from making something yourself instead of forking over $3 to some soulless corporation that being employed by immigrants and snotty pimply-faced stoned teenagers.

-o- Thursday July 14th, 2005 -o- "how the hell am i going to write 13 episodes??"

wow, I'm just full of gimmicks, aren't I? Well with my overall boredom with music in general, I'm going to attempt to listen to my entire Winamp list, all 2,905 of them, from start to finish over the next few weeks. If you knew, the 1st 100 or so are all random singles, and the next are all alphe... (oh GOD, Air Supply!!!) alphabetized by artist, then by chronologically by album.

And of course, the rule is I have to present at all times when the music is going, and I can't mute it while it's playing during television, so this is going to take a long-ass time. And it's going to be a rough time, too... I have so much AC/DC which I hate, tons of Grateful Dead stuff, not to mention like 25 hours of Rolling Stones and 40 hours of Dave Matthews band. And what the hell is the point of this? Well... I'm tired of the "random" thing, which I've heard "Eleanor Rigby (strings only)" like 20 times already, there's some songs on the comp I have yet to hear, so that's going to change.

Day 1: 1. Procol Harum - A Whiter Shade Of Pale -- 52. Janis Joplin - Summertime

The first few days will probably the best, since it'll be the most diverse, but then, it gets rough: 7 AC/DC complete albums followed by 4 Aerosmith albums. Ouch. It's gonna be a rough few days.

-o- Friday July 15th, 2005 -o- "washing dune."

I didn't get much done today because stupid fucking Juno was acting up and wouldn't let me online.

Day 2. 53. Joe Cocker - With a Little Help From My Friends -- 61. Meatloaf - Bat Out of Hell

So far the music has been mostly pretty good, but the 36 minutes of In-a-Gadda-Vida (studio & live) was horrible.. and listening to Janis Joplin screech and urp for 38 straight minutes was pretty god damn bad shit. I can only handle her in small doses. I suppose the worst thing about this experiment is that I'm going to be stuck listening to whole albums at a time, back-to-back, giving me a real stuck-in-the-mud feeling. But the point of this was to finally hear every single mp3 on my computer, because I'm sure there's hundreds I haven't heard yet. Oh thank god... I didn't include Pink Floyd in this.

-o-

"let's go down to Mickey Dee's
and clog up our art-er-ies!

I said, all the people in the house go "oh yeah!" "

-o- Saturday July 16th, 2005 -o-   "I clean rooms only to trash them immediately."

Day 3: 62. Monkees - Porpoise Song

I only listened to one song today. It's from that weird movie "Vanilla Sky" with that awful horrible crazy Tom Cruise in it. where I spent most of my day working on the ISP problem which lead to finally getting rid of Juno (yay!) for another ISP.

-o-

I don't get why it matters if a player ends his career on one team. This isn't 1950 anymore. Yeah, there's nothing better than holding on to a mediocre ballplayer well past his prime while eating up a huge chunk of the payroll while robbing young men the opportunity to play better baseball. This is why I'm against the DH.

-o-

I don't understand things like when people say "I hope you die!"   I mean, the whole thing is redundant. We're all gonna die some day, so it's like it's going to happen some day. Maybe a better phrase would be "hope you die soon!" or the very Asian-esque "you die now!"

-o-

man: "yes I want to check another number, you fucking cocksucker."

-o- Sunday July 17th, 2005 -o- "i buy rare, expensive items only to destory them."

Day 4: 63. mountain - mississippi queen.

Again I only listened to one song today. I don't remember much other than not watching the Simpsons (because they suck) and I remember watching the new Family Guy, which surprisingly didn't really make me laugh that much. It was the one where Lois gets addicted to shoplifting and goes to jail, Peter takes her out of jail and they live in Chinatown. It was funny, but not "laugh out loud" funny.

-o- Monday July 18th, 2005 -o- "i don't want to die...i just want to ride my motorcycle!"

Day 5: --

I think it's safe to say those G.I. Joe parodies have broken my brain. I don't know why, but they just kill me. They're so absurd. Absurd like Family Guy and the way the Simpsons used to be. Example:

The Simpsons visit Australia and are in a bar, and Bart is playing with his pocket knife.

Australian Man walks up to Bart: "You call that a knife? This is a knife. "
Bart: "That's not a knife, that's a spoon. "
Man: "All right, all right, you win, heh. I see you've played "Knifey-Spooney" before."

-o- Tuesday July 19th, 2005 -o- "don't trust pretty girls...they'll only break your heart."

Day 6: 64. George Thorogood - Bad To The Bone -- 124. TV Themes - Mr. Belvedere

I really flew through the Winamp list today. I started early and kept going on for hours straight. Once I got past # 101 of Yes's 9 minute "Roundabout" it was all short TV theme songs and ended with Leon Redbone gargling thru the Mr. Belvedre theme.

Today I finally got my chicken nuggets (more like mini strips) at the lunch hangout (last time they accidentally gave me chicken wings, which is like worth 3 times the strips). The wings weren't bad... the breading is crunchy, no flavor, but they were very, very small, like an inch and a half long with maybe like 3 toothpicks worth of meat on each one. I wouldn't recommend getting wings from a small downtown restaurant bar.

As for the nuggets, they were alright. Thin, full of white meat and with a light brown thin coating on there and came with honey dijon mayo sauce for dipping. Different than what I've had but not the best. I don't know what kind of radioactive oil they deep fried them with, but the nuggets stayed extremely warm for the entire lunch sitting.

Today "the boy" headed off to Germany, which of course the old man footed the bill (awfully nice of him.) I don't understand why teenagers need to go on fancy European trips all summer long while hanging out with their classmates and teachers. He'll spending his days walking around Munich, going to museums, surf on the river rapids and drink beer all day and then wake up with the husky and deep-throated German prostitutes while drinking beer. Lucky bastard.

-o- Wednesday July 20th, 2005 -o- "Satan says kill."

Day 7: 125. ACDC - It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock n' Roll -- 128. ACDC - Live Wire.

And so, the brutal part of the Winamp insanity begins. Again, while scrubing my naked body in the shower, I began to wonder "why in the hell I was doing this", but then I remember I was bored with shuffling and clicking 12 times to find a decent song, and to finally hear every single song. Eventually when all 3,000 songs are listened to, I can finally rank which bands I like and which I hate. Also this experiment is making me remember songs I used to listen to. This really isn't that interesting. And so, another stupid column is written.

Tomorrow is the long-awaited Red Sox / White Sox game at the Cell.

-o- Thursday July 21st, 2005 -o- "Does your mother still hang out at dockside bars?"

Day 8: --

well, I had a miserable experience and I'm probably never going to another baseball game again. Pretty much everything that could go wrong did.
Well first off, I took the tollway (to Timothy's stupid advice) which was completely unnecessary, and I accidentally (thanks to construction) went into the wrong lane (the I-Pass lane) which you need a computer chip to go thru. I could face a $50 to $150 fine if I get caught (sometimes the computers catch, sometimes they don't) So we left 3 hours before game time, figuring in travel time and such. And even at 4pm, going northbound to Chicago, the tollway will STILL extremely crowded and I was going under 20 mph most of the way. Which made absolutely no sense whatsoever, since at that time of the day, the congestion should had been going south, not north (to the city).

The game, which I won the free tickets from a scratch off, there was a beach towel promotion for the 1st 10,000 fans and the game was sold out and it was against the World Champion Boston Red Sox, so I wanted to get there early enough to get a towel. So we finally get to the stadium, I have my $13 in hand ready for parking, and the asshole says it's $17. and I'm "jesus christ".

So I park the car, and me and alan have to walk like a mile to the stadium 'cause we're in the furthest lot, and we have to wait outside of the stadium because the gates were still closed (and there was a shitload of people standing out there) which made me worried I wouldn't get a towel. The assholes don't start letting in people until a certain time (whenever they feel like it). And of course, while we waited outside the stadium, it rained on us. So after a good 30 to 45 minute wait, they finally open the gate, and we slowly file into the stadium..the ushers scan the ticket's barcode and let us thru the turnstile. Then we show our tickets, they scan them, and said "they weren't any good, and we had to go to the Gate 4 ticket window".

So this takes a few more minutes to get to the damn window, and they tell us we have to go to the administrative office, which becomes another 15 to 25 minute wait because there's a long line of other people's tickets who didn't work either. While we were in there, we saw the Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf about 10 feet away from us. I couldn't really think of anything to say or do, since I was damp from the rain and pissed about the tickets. Like Phyllis said later, "they were the ones who gave us the damn tickets, it should fucking work." I don't think I've ever been that close to the most hated man in Chicago... or someone that rich. He looked pretty old, white haired and frail.. I think he's pushing 70, tho.

So eventually we're 1st in line at the office, and they just mark off the stupid ticket with a pink marker line, and they finally let us in. And yeah, we got our crappy beach towel, finally. Cheap piece of shit. So we go to the upper deck, where our seats are (and we were restricted to stay in that part of the ballpark for the rest of the night) and to go get some $1 promotional hot dogs. We wait in line for 10 minutes, only to have the asshole woman say "oh this is the $2.50 Kosher stand. the other ones are way down over there [at the other stands]." So it's another 10 minutes of waiting / walking, then there's no ketchup / mustard stations near by, so we had to go look for that. so we found it, used it, found our seats, ate the hot dogs, and it was finally great.

But by then it was 6pm, a full hour until game time, so we had to just sit there, and watch a bunch of stupid commercials on the scoreboard (a lot for stupid movies and shit). And then, it got louder and louder (the music / organ playing on the P.A. system) and we noticed there were these huge fucking speakers right above us (and there were dozens of them all lined up on the upper deck roof, which of course provides sound for the entire ballpark). So then, it's finally 7pm, the national anthem is done by John Popper, the fat singer guy from the Blues Travelers, and he does the fucking anthem on his harmonica. And it fucking screeched so loud I couldn't even stand up for the anthem 'cause I had my fingers in my ears and he hit so many high notes on that thing. It was horrible. Then there was the shamockery of the 1st pitch, which was done by 3 people, the 1st one needed two throws because the first one went like 40 feet. The second guy only needed one pitch, and the 3rd was TV's George Lopez, sporting a huge Mexican style mustache (lol) and his 1st pitch (the 4th of the night) nearly sailed over the head of the catcher.

The 1st few innings were alright, (but still painfully loud) Sox were winning 4-1, then 4-3 early, and the people were still filing in to their seats. Naturally of course they're standing up, blocking our entire view of homeplate. So I missed complete batter's at-bats at a time because these people / teenagers kept changing seats / getting up. And apparently there was some stupid youth movement outing there, where like 100 of these teenagers wore the same orange t-shirts. So it was like sitting in some fucking summer camp grandstand 'cause they're cheap seats and all. I yelled a few times (at the older woman in charge) "Hey lady, sit down! I can't see the game!". Also Matt Clement was pitching for the Red Sox, and one instance, he had his foot on the rubber, but didn't throw the ball. And this went on for a good 20 to 25 seconds. I yelled "pitch the damn ball!" which shortly was followed by a Family Guy Peter Griffin sound bite of "C'monnnnnnnnn! C'monnn!"

Then after all of the stupid AC/DC music, the "charge" song, rap music and other advertisements from the P.A. System during the entire night, we agreed to leave after the 5th inning which we did, to beat the traffic and to get the hell out of there. We left at 9pm, the game ended at 10:30pm, and it would had taken us at least 2 hours to get out of the parking lot and get home (since there was over 38,000 people there) had we stayed for the whole game. But we left at 9pm, got out of the parking lot in a minute, and was going 70mph the whole way home. Then we went to Timothy's house, where we found out Phyllis's car wouldn't start and she was freaking out and everything. So luckily we came home 2 hours early to push her car into the driveway from the street and to work on it. Eventually it was some blown wires or something.

And another thing that I learned, is that the more you anticipate something in life, the worse it ends up being. Also I heard the Sox blew the game.... 9th inning tied at 5.... huge Crede error....next pitch....Manny goes yard. Sox lose.

oh yeah, and I'm never eating hot dogs again. I don't know if I'm ever going to come back there, either. This game was a turning point in my life. It's like, the last piece of nostalgia of my childhood happened.... the 4 hot dogs, the getting there early, the cheap seats, going to the crowded popular game. I'm sick of this shit. I should be going to threatre's (yes, I spell it "theatre") and art museums. Not this fucking kiddie ballgame shit. And I'm going to cut fried foods out of my life. Or at least try to. I'm sick of potato chips or salty chips or Cheetos or snack mix.... it's just dry salty shit that just doesn't cut for me anymore. I'll eat baked snacks and potato chips, 'cause those are somewhat less shitty. The thing I'm going to miss the most is probably french fries..and I'm only talking about the thick, crunchy and wavy kind. As for the hot dogs thing..... I realized that the thing I liked most about hot dogs (the Chicago style one) was the condiments, not the hot dog itself. And I'm not really a big sausage eater; I had it thrust upon me. And I hear something about hot dogs being bad for me or something, I don't know. It can't possibly be worse than ice cream or chocolate that women can't shove down their throats fast enough.

-o- Friday July 22nd, 2005 -o- "just a 'tad' insane."

Day 9: 129: ACDC - TNT --- 132. AC DC - She's Got Balls.

i hate music.

That was all that was going to be in this column, but I've decided to write something else.

The only reason why things are valuable is because of the stupidity of people. I was watching the Antique Roadhouse on the television the other day, and there were two amusing instances.

The 1st one, was the stupid old nerdy guy who brought in a suitcase of extremely rare and old comics books from the 50s / 60s. Stuff like F-4, The Hulk, etc. And the appraiser was like, "why the fuck are these covers so shiny??". Apparently the nerd sprayed lacquer on the covers because "it was lying around and to preserve it and he didn't know better." Because of what the nerd did, he could have gotten over $15,000 for comics, but instead will only get $5,000...and yet, he wasn't pissed. What a dumbass.

The 2nd instance was of a woman who brought in a 18th century French doll. The woman kept it in her drawer wrapped in clothes. But then one day her sister started ripping clothes out of a drawer looking for a skirt, and grabbed the doll and whipped it to the floor; thus cracking the head on the doll. We eventually find out the doll and its accessories are worth like $10,000 to $16,000. Had the head not been cracked, it would have sold for over $20,000 to $26,000+. If I was that woman, I'd be angry and like.. "Yo sis....you owe me some money."

-o- Saturday July 23rd, 2005 -o- "But I'm a girl! I don't know how to drive!"

Day 10: 133. ACDC - High Voltage -- - 149. Whole Lotta Rosie

Since I have nothing else to write about, I'm going to bitch about something.

"Me like Harry Potter no like. I honestly think witchcraft is evil and laughable (especially from all of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer jive). I don't get the Potter craze or what its all about or what it really means. But, it sounds like this is some trick to write dozens of books to keep the cash rolling in from fools. What a concept. It's this generation's "Star Wars". The kids gotta believe in something... even if its fantasy."

And this is me putting lightly. I think Harry Potter is one of the most gayest, nerdiest things I have ever seen. Real men don't wear capes. And don't give me the "hey, Superman wore a cape!" bullshit, Mr. Seinfeld. There's nothing ordinary about a guy wearing skin tights with a big belt and a cape. Apparently I hear the book has profanity and the word "slut" in it and some kind of demented plotline. Well, great. Now the kids will be even more dangerous.

Personally, I don't think we burn enough literature in this day and age. Everybody puts this like, invaluable tag on books. "Oh you can't throw that away! That's a book!" "Oh you can't rip the pages out! That's a book!" "stop it! Stop drawing in the book!" Any idiot can write a book, and let's face it.. most books suck. Even the most interesting topic in the world would get boring after a few hours of reading about it.

Now seriously, back to the main topic. Witchcraft is not fucking funny, man. It's not a fucking game, man. They used to burn people at the stake in the old days if they thought there were a witch. And I sure as hell don't like the idea of somebody having magical powers, or being able to cast spells on people, or have bats explode out of their hair or fly around on brooms and cause havoc on the fucking world. And aren't most witches evil instead of good? I've seen on the news of these grownups who dress up as witches and wizards, and hold these meetings and perform ceremonies and shit. Haha oh my fucking god, man. And they take it seriously! I just have a high disdain for those kinds of things. And I would seriously be pissed if someone put a hex on me.

-o- Sunday July 24th, 2005 -o- have gun will travel (hillbilly tune)

Day 11: 150. ACDC ' Rock 'N' Roll Damnation

Today was hot. It was very, very, very hot. The hottest day in over a decade. A decade ago I was 2 inches shorter and about 60 pounds lighter. And how hot was it? About 105 here. It was pretty windy, so it wasn't easy to sweat. I went outside to see what it was like. It wasn't as bad as people bitched about. Apparently what's happened in the world of Meteorology, instead of being accurate (despite more sophisticated computers than ever) They've decided to just put out as many watches and warnings as possible. Never mind that these boxes literally cover states at a time. I suppose ever since the Plainfield Tornado of 1990, which had no warnings whatsoever, they've become "warnings-happy-better-safe-than-sorry".

Let's see.... the stupid White Sox won today somehow, earning a split against the Red Sox, which surprised me. I guess the White Sox can play decent against good teams. Last night was another new Family Guy, with the new season starting in mid September this Fall.

As yes, the Family Guy. This show has been really weird and disturbing this year, and not in a good way, either. There's been episodes about adultery, drug use (Peter apparently has done ecstasy and attempted to do cocaine), Lois attempting relations with Neil Goldman, Quagmire has like some serious pervert issues, and I'm sure there's a few others I'm missing.

-o- Monday July 25th, 2005 -o- "1974 tune: Nobody voted for Gerald Ford."

Day 13: 151. AC/DC - Down Payment Blues -- 204. Aerosmith - Lord Of The Thighs

Diary of an insane experiment

Oh goddddd! The music is so bad!!! Augh!! So much screaming! So many recycled guitar riffs! It's so loud! So many immature lyrics! It's pure torture! I can't wait until its finally over!! I just have to get thru AC/DC's 1978 "Powerage" then 1979's "Highway to Hell" album, then the over-played 1980 "Back in Black" album, then the 1992 Live album, which is painfully like an hour long and 20 minutes long.

Blaaaaah!! Only 3 hours and 18 minutes until Areosmith. I dunno how to feel about that. Would it fucking kill AC/DC to make a 2 minute long song instead of the 4 to 7 minute songs?? God they all sound the same. And If I'm going to say something good about this band, it appears that their best songs when there's background singers instead of Bon or Brian screaming by themselves. And jesus christ, has AC/DC ever heard of the "fade-out" ?? Must they end every fucking song with stopping completely, then 10 to 15 seconds of cymbals, screaming and guitar distortion??

Oh god this is torture. If I somehow get out alive from this, I hopefully won't go insane. Speaking of insanity, the 105 temps from yesterday are gone and it's down to like 86 with a ton of rain. Rain? What the hell is that?

"If the rainnnnnnn comes, they hide and run their heads / they might as well be dead / if the rainnnnnnnnn comes.."

It'll be a good month or two before I hear that Beatles song again. I can't wait to get through this AC/DC shit. I guess it would fucking kill them to actually use an instrument other than a fucking electric guitar!!! I'm trying to pinpoint what ruined music.. whether it was AC/DC, or Metallica, or possibly Led Zeppelin.

Ah, sweet silence between songs. Oh god, the music is starting again. I can't feel my body anymore. Wow.... it's gonna be like 80 to 76 for the next week with lows around 60. Wow.

No pausing! No TV watching! I want this end as quickly as possible. No bathroom breaks, either! Well, except for maybe "Hell's Kitchen"....

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiway to Hell!"

Speaking of hell, Something tells me the "album" needs to change. It seems like 30 to 60 minutes is way too long, and there's about 8 to 16 songs on it. People seem to complain about the lack of strong material on albums. So perhaps we should shorten things to like 15 to 20 minutes. And let's face it.... there's always at least 1 to 6 throw-away songs on an album. And can most people listen to the same album for 30 to 60 minutes at a time? You just can't, really. That's just the nature of music. That's why the radio always plays different songs, not albums at a time.

Oh god my head hurts.

-o- Tuesday July 26th, 2005 -o- "make cheese, not war."

Day 14: 205. Aerosmith - Spaced - 223. Aerosmith - Combination

Well we really flew past that Aerosmith block. Their first album came out in 1973, which sounded mostly like a garage blues band, which sounded nothing like future Areosmith except for the "Dream On" song which is used for car commercials to sell to old farts these days. Then the next album came out in 1974, which sounded traumatically more sophisticated, but still wasn't quite there. Then the extremely solid 1975 album "Toys in the attic" came out with "Walk This Way" and "Sweet Emotion" shit we heard a million times, would be the peak of the group. Then 1976's "Rocks" which had nothing memorable on it, it seems the Areosmith magic was fastly waning. The horrible 1977 album "Draw the Line" which of course I only have the single (but a vinyl whole album copy somewhere), showed that the band was completely burnt out, from all of the touring and other shit. Then unfortunately, some shit happened in the 1980s and then there was "Wayne's World" which brought the whole damn band back. Thanks for nothing, Mike Myers.

What can I say about today? It was wet. Also for lunch, I got the soup instead of the french fries. So we'll see how long this new maturity lasts.

And tonight the Cubs game didn't start until 9:40pm, which is way too late to start a ball game. And of course, the game didn't end until like 1:30am, where a lot of stupid Cubs fans watch the team blow it on a serious clutch hit in the 12th inning. Apparently a bunch of Cubs fans don't have jobs to go to in the morning. This is why employers don't hire Cubs fans.

-o- Wednesday July 27th, 2005 -o- "you gotta love the Democrats chances in '88!"

Day 15: 224. Aerosmith - Sick as a Dog -- 379. Brian Wilson - Good Vibrations

Well I finished up the Areosmith album, then the single, then went thru Bad Company's 1st album, circa 1974. It was pretty good for a 1st album. Then came 6 1/2 hours of Beach Boys music that I've heard hundreds of times, with Pet Sounds & with random sessions, random singles, then drummer Dennis Wilson's solo album "Pacific Ocean Blue" and stuff, then ending with Brian Wilson's recent "Smile" album. Since I already heard it, I kept the sound down pretty low, which was kinda creepy at times, 'cause you could only hear say, the tambourine, or the chorus chant which at times made them sound like they were possessed, or the chimes repeating over and over.

But now that part of the insane experiment is over, so now comes the entire Beatles collection, spanning 16 hours, 12 albums, 3 anthologies and 2 Past Masters CD's. Good stuff!

Also, I've noticed an error in one of my columns, the random rhetoric tag for the Saturday July 14th, 2005 column, "washing dune" was actually supposed to be "washing dung" but somehow got over-looked a few times. We here at the Untitled Daily Column Project are real sticklers in our Nazi-esque quest for spelling & grammatical perfection. We may not have much to say or anything really interesting or relevant at all, but we like to look good doing it.

-o- Thursday July 28th, 2005 -o- "clickity click, we're all dead."

Day 16: --

I saw a rather somewhat mostly uninteresting episode of the Brady Bunch. Apparently Peter (not the spoiled oldest one or the traditionally corrupt 3rd child of the family) joined the school's newspaper staff despite the fact that he could only type with one finger at a whopping 6 words a minute, got the idea to improve readership by writing great things about people he knows. This of course lead to him getting many perks, like free food, parties and shit.

Lost in this free-fall of an episode, was the fact that Peter was neglecting his studies for his finals. We find out that Peter's teacher, Mr. Price, is known as something of a hard-stick-up-the-ass pompous prick of a teacher, and rightfully gave Peter a "D" on his paper, which we got to see a close up of the test, which was typed out & covered in red ink.

So naturally, Peter hits right back to the typewriter and begins typing. I'm sitting there thinking, "this kid is a fucking genius. He's going to retype the test, fill in some answers, and grade it himself and give himself an "A". Shit, it doesn't even have to be a perfect copy of the test, the stupid dumbass hippie parents wouldn't know better. And shit, even if he show that paper with the "A" but the report card has like a "D" or "C" on it, it'll have been at least a few weeks and the stupid parents would have completely forgotten about it."

Instead Stupid-Peter is writing a column about "how Mr. Price is better than oxygen and Abraham Lincoln!" Meanwhile, the parents & the housekeeper are in the kitchen going through Peter's coat pockets and backpack (naturally) looking for dope, and they find Peter's test folded up with the big fat red "D" on there.

Naturally, the parents go to Peter and make him realize that "good grades and not patronizing people is more important than having friends and abusing the power of the press." Peter turns in the column anyway, but fesses up to the teacher, who was wise to his long-haired hippie-ass scheme.

It's funny how old people used to write television episodes 35 years ago, when the parents acted like Gods and the children were little whipped sheep who always did the right thing. You don't think those writers thought people actually believed that shit, do they??

-o- Friday July 29th, 2005 -o- "a fat woman is yelling at me to eat healthy cereal."

Day 17: --

Random shit for today.

"The K.C. Royals are reportedly planning a uni overhaul. According to communications VP David Witty, the new look will feature less black, more gold, and the return of conventional jerseys instead of vests."

Thoughts: about fucking time the Royals went back to blue as their primary color. A team with a color in their name shouldn't be wearing black caps, jerseys or sleeves. The Royals have had the same cap / uniform script since they began in 1969, but it wasn't until 2002 that the Royals added the extremely trendy black for absolutely no reason other than to sell caps and jerseys.

"Uni Watch has it on good authority that another signature style from that period may soon be reappearing on MLB diamonds: the powder blue road uniform. As we speak, there's an MLB team out there pondering the possibility of switching to road blues, probably for 2007. So which team currently has powder blues on the drawing board? Uni Watch isn't at liberty to say, but here's a hint: A person connected to the project recently remarked, "Light blue would be a such a strong statement for a lame franchise." That should narrow it down to, oh, seven or eight teams."

Thoughts: Again, this will probably be the Royals, since they did wear it from 1973 to 1991. Tho it could be anybody, like the Texas Rangers, who probably before the Devil Rays came into existence were the most lame franchise ever. And since they seem to change or tweak their uniform every other year, it's entirely possible.

-o- Saturday July 30th, 2005 -o- "Yep. There's Hilldra. Whoring it up for her date."

Day 18: --

Hey all you peanut butter fans out there! Sometimes there's nothing better than a creamy, sugary peanut butter sandwich with a cold tall glass of milk.

Some ideas I came up with over the years:

Peanut butter on bread. Quite a concept.

Peanut butter and opened up Oreo cookies on bread. I used to do this in high school. Other cookies aren't bad, either.

Peanut butter and sharp cheddar cheese spread. I stumbled upon this later in life. It reminded me of when I was younger and ate those crappy orange cheese crackers that came in like 5's wrapped in a small clear plastic container with a square end filled with peanut butter and a flat red stick to spread it with. Surprisingly, spreading the cheese and peanut butter into different sections on the bread gives surprisingly tasty results. I doubt using any non-spreadable cheeses would work, tho.

Peanut butter and ....butter on bread. Disgusting! I had this thrust upon me as a child. Keep in mind, the butter was always cold & hard so it wasn't greasy butter, but still.... pretty disgusting. You might as well put Miracle Whip on there. Yuck.

Peanut butter and chocolate syrup on bread. This is why we don't leave teenagers home alone.

Peanut butter and chopped celery on bread. Probably the closest one could get to peanutbutter salad.

-o- Sunday July 31st, 2005 -o- "your clothes aren't a snot rag."

Day 19: --

Well it looks like none of my trade ideas happened:

"Marlins send: AJ Burnett, Mike Lowell
White Sox send: Joe Crede & thank you card.

Yankees send: $40 million
White Sox send: Shingo

Cubs send: Derrek Lee
Tampa Bay sends: a hot dog wrapper & poison for Wrigley ivy

Mets send: Pedro
White Sox send: Contreras

Phillies send: Wagner
White Sox send: Vizca�no

And viola! Instant championship White Sox team!"

And tomorrow being August 1st, I lost another $5 for my prediction of "The White Sox will be 5 games out of 1st place August 1st" As of right now, they have a 14 1/2 game lead on the Twins.

And speaking of the "sweet action", I'm going to bet $100 that the White Sox will blow a playoff game or series because of wild pitches.

-o-

"You ever get that feeling like you just want to step on someone's head and crush it like a bug? Yeah, I get that feeling, too."

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