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| > Sunday April 1st, 2007 < �The price of ginger has caused us to relocate.� Alright, here we go again. The Untitled Daily Column Project is back and it still has no name. Opening Day is tomorrow, and I�ll have my baseball picks up shortly. A few thoughts on this season: I have no idea who will win the World Series. The N.L. East is up for either the Mets or Phillies, the Central is so wide open the Milwaukee Brewers could win it, and the West is the usual borefest. The A.L. East will be for the nth time Red Sox vs Yankees. The theory going around is that the A.L. Central is going to have 4 first place teams in it. However, Minnesota lost two starting pitchers, Cleveland has like no bullpen or solid starter past the # 2, and the Tigers will inevitably be strained with tired and overused arms like last season�s White Sox, and Kenny Rogers will miss at least half the season. So basically, it�s the White Sox division to lose, and if people, especially the starting pitching and especially Mark Buehrle start tanking, then the Sox will finish either 3rd or 4th. I didn�t even bat an eyelash when Ozzie Guillen said he wanted Carlos Zambrano in a Sox uniform next season. Completely unrealistic, the Sox will never give out a contract for more than 3 years and they refuse to pay free agent pitchers (it�s all cheap and young from here out). Suffice to say, I wasn�t too thrilled of trading Freddy Garcia over the Winter, but apparently his velocity is still down and Kenny pulled a turd-on-your-face trade with the Phillies, and luck have it, the Phillies play in the most homer-friendly park. I�m still pretty pissed off about the McCarthy trade with Texas, turns out the Sox didn�t like his �attitude� and other stupid shit. Well shit, if I was a starting pitcher and I got stuck in the bullpen while a crappy pitcher like Javier Vazquez pitched in my place, I�d be pissed off too. I�ll tell you about the White Sox: if you don�t get along and kiss their asses no matter how big of a jerk or how stupid they are or how warped their being of logic is, you won�t be on the team, no matter how good you are or what you�ve done for them. Also on Monday, we�ll have a new NCAA Basketball Champion. I don�t ever recall the Championship being on the same day as Opening Day. Two major events shouldn�t happen on the same day. But anyways, the blog is back. In conclusion: Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine. |
| > Monday April 2nd, 2007 < �Chicago Train Derailment Blues� And now, my 2007 picks: A.L. West ANA TEX OAK SEA N.L. West LAD SD SF ARI COL * - Wild Card ALDS: NYY over ANA in 3 ALWC: CHW over BOS in 5 ALCS: NYY over CHW in 6 NLDS: NYM over LAD in 4 NLWC: PHI over HOU in 3 NLCS: PHI over NYM in 6 WS: NYY over PHI in 6. What is my reasoning behind this? I don�t know. Quite honestly, I could reverse any of those combinations, and I�d say potentially anyone of those teams could win it all. All it takes is a hot streak. I�m wary of picking a Philly team to win it all, since they tend to choke the most. I say teams that are headed for a huge crash this year are: OAK, WAS, PIT, ATL, MIN and BAL. In a happy world, the Devil Rays would qualify for a Wild Card and the Brewers would win the N.L. Central, with the D-Backs suddenly taking charge of the N.L. West and the White Sox start off April with 19 wins. Of course, none of this will ever happen, and it will be the same boring shit again this year. Yeah the Yankee�s Opening Day pitcher Carl Pavano hasn�t pitched since mid �05 and you�d love to see that pitching staff completely fall apart, but that stupid lineup of theirs will keep them in every game all summer. And now, we bring our attention to this matter: 755. The once-thought unreachable and most prestigious of all sports records is now a mere fart away from being broken. Karma will be doing everything it can through the people involved to make sure this doesn�t happen (maybe a little help from Karma�s cousin, �Superstition�, and his sister, �Coincidence�). I can honestly say that if Bonds breaks that homerun record, we can officially burn the record book, because it will be completely useless & I will never believe a single record ever again nor will I ever defend a single stat ever again. And I hope that if you get the Extra Innings package, that you have Direct TV, otherwise you�re completely shit out of luck. Way to fuck your fans up the ass, MLB. |
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CHW DET CLE MIN KC N.L. Central HOU STL MIL CIN CHC PIT |
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NYY BOS * TOR TB BAL N.L. East PHI NYM * FLA ATL WAS |
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| Your daily dose of the absurd. |
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| > Tuesday January 1st, 2008 < "next time, on 'My Grandmother is a Lesbian!' " Wow. New Years Day outdoor NHL hockey! 30 degrees, some wind, some snow in Orchard Park, NY with 73,000 at Ralph Wilson Stadium for the Winter Classic. The Penguins in their powder blue, navy blue, white, black and yellow 1968-69 - 1969-70 home / 1970-71 road sweater and the Sabres in their white, royal and Old Athletic Gold their 1970-71 - 1995-96 home sweater. White sweaters were designated in the 1970-71 season, and dark sweaters were reverted back to home sweaters in 2003-04 season. Sidney Crosby called the corners "like skating in mud". Every 10 minutes of play the Zambonis had to come on to the ice and shave it. I really don't understand the politics of ice, or how thick NHL ice is or how much weight it can withstand before cracking. Or perhaps I used to know this. (after research, it's 1.2 inches thick). There's been a few stoppages due to grooves in the ice. The puck has been very sluggish due to the snow on the ice, and both teams going for extended time without shots-on-goal. About the only thing that's keeping this game from being perfect is the stupid Buffaslug logo on the screen. And of course, the switching of sides for the 3rd period and Overtime. Penalty on Sidney Crosby for a 4-on-3 for 2 minutes in the 5-minute two 2 1/2 minute halves OT. Penalty killed. Shootout! Apparently 3 shots per team, alternating shooing. 2-1 Pittsburgh winner Sidney Crosby. And yet, fireworks are going off after a Sabres loss. Oy the Rose Bowl. The Illini fall behind early 14-0. And throwing an interception is not helping, either. Oh ya, nothing like running the option down after down with blitzes coming. The Illini just got dominated in the 1st half, and missing a field goal and not going for it on 4th and goal doesn't help things either. Fucking USC stripping the ball and then their bullshit lateral with the lucky hop to go 80 yards when it's 21-10. When you play a motherfucker like USC, that's the kind of bullshit that happens. Then Motherfucker #83 taunts after the touchdown, I would have kicked my foot up his asshole, then scrape my metal cleats on his fucking ass, arm and legs, then I'd kick him in the neck. Well, motherfucking Rose Bowl. It should have been 21-20 at one point. Fucking 49-17. It is 2008, and I have yet to declare what food of the year it is. 2006 was the year of the Burrito and 2007 was the year of the Torta. 2005 was unofficially the year of the Life-Changing-Soft Taco. |
| > Wednesday January 2nd, 2008 < "There's a murderer in the bus!" Person #1: "There's still time left in the holiday season. I got myself a penis with a touch-screen." Person #2 confused: "Wait... WHAT?!!" |
| > Thursday January 3rd, 2008 < "I ain't got no women, I ain't got no balcony." Commentary Upon further study on College fight songs, bands and their songs, & the way the fans act and live, it is indeed a fact that these schools are cults. Never being a part of a pep rally or ever really caring towards a school's sports team, I have never fallen under that spell. Now from a Psychiatric view: interesting � very interesting. I now see how psychiatrists tend to over-look this phenomenon since every one of them went to college. Every damn one of them. Dr. Phil could be talking about men hitting pregnant women who baited them or steak in immense detail, but the second he hears "Go Mustangs!" or "Mean Green!!" he'll immediately start some loud time-precisioned chant. If the Music Director / Head Cult Master tells your fans to hop 4 times on your right foot, then once on your left foot during the fight song in order to ensure victory, you god damn bet they'll do it. |
| > Friday January 4th, 2008 < "Of course homicides are down... there's no one left to kill!" Commentary New Years resolutions. Some people actually believe that the changing of the last number in a date (sometimes 2 every ten years, and sometimes all four, which happened in 2000) will some how magically give them power to change their lives. The truth is, there is none. And no, it's not an excuse to "give up and wait until next year" if you some how already broke one of your resolutions. And HGH is now the general standard for any athlete. If any outstanding play, game, season, career happens or a record gets broken, it is now all due to HGH. The bar has been raised. Can you please explain to me how all these old sports records keep getting shattered? How else can this be happening? All of this based on Brett Favre's 2007 record breaking season at the ripe age of 39, and now Roger Clemens going to Capitol Hill to perjure himself by lying of what they shot up into his ass. It's not like suddenly one day all these athletes heard about this magical new thing called "Flintstones Vitamins" or "Snickers energy bars". These athletes, their muscle's muscles have muscles. Unfortunately, unless there's some photographs or video of them shooting junk into Clemen's ass in hotel rooms (and even then it's not enough) Clemens will most likely get away with his steroids use, and still will be elected to the Hall of Fame because there are just enough of stupid Baseball Writers Association of America. |
| > Saturday January 5th, 2008 < "Look I will Mother Hen you to the DEATH." The 2008 Class for the Baseball Hall of Fame will be announced on Tuesday, and here's who I would vote in: . Yeah that's right, nobody. Again the same old tired arguments come up about Bert Blyleven, Jim Rice, Goose Gossage, and to a lesser extent, Andre Dawson and Alan Trammell. I think eventually Tim Raines might get in, but that's pushing it on borderline. As I read the choices from writers, it's clear they either: A) never saw them play most of the time or B) have been swayed by ridiculous arguments. I also notice that these writers don't have the ability to tell which players are "A+ players" over "A players" or "A- players" or "B+ players". The Hall of Fame is the best of the best, not Hall of the Very Good. And I'm not too thrilled about suddenly packing in relievers in the HOF after these guys have been on the ballot for a decade. There's also this bullshit line that I read: "Rickey Henderson becomes eligible next year -- an obvious first-ballot inductee who could take votes away from candidates lingering from previous years". That is total complete utter bullshit. These writers get 10 votes, 10! Some years there's lucky if there's even 1 or 2 Hall of Famers, let alone 10! Most writers only use about half their picks, and even then that's lacking restraint. And the same shit comes up every year: Jim Rice was the most feared but had terrible home-road splits & a short career; Bert Blyleven has the most shutouts, strikeouts and wins for a non-HOFer / lacks awards & dominance, Andre Dawson is a member of the 400 HR / 300 SB club only others are Mays & Bonds but mediocre OBP%, blah blah blah. A line has been drawn in the sand, and these guys are standing on the other side. Not that I have anything against them, it's just theyre just not good enough, at least stats-wise. |
| > Tuesday January 8th, 2008 < "All these years and yet we've never seen a fan pull down the shorts on an NBA player." Why is Goose Gossage in? The only time in his career he had more than 27 saves was in 1980 with 33. He never won any awards, only got to as high as 3rd for the MVP trophy, and pretty much by age 34, his ERA was around 3 1/2 to 4 1/2, hardly ideal for closers. I don't care if he pitched two innings for his saves, that looks more like lazy managing and lack of a setup man. I am not a fan of putting in relievers. Bruce Sutter was a terrible idea, Dennis Eckersley only opened the flood gates for this shit. Lee Smith only got 42% of the vote, yet he 168 more saves in 520 fewer innings with an ERA of only 0.02 higher. "Oh yeah, 13th time around, oh we NOW get it that Goose is a HOFer." This is what happens when too many new school writers end up joining the BWAA every year. Too many new people making up ridiculous arguments with lower standards, and a lot of writers who never even saw these players play in their prime. All I can say is, "What the fuck?!" |
| > Monday January 7th, 2008 < "Animal Boner." Well this is weird... January 7th, people walking around in Chicago in short sleeves. in 1985 in January, it was 90 degrees colder than it was today. And right now, rain, lightning, record high 65 degree temps and the snow long melted, wind gusts 30mph, this is more like April weather. 1st Northern IL tornado touchdown since 1950, which happened on January 25th, 1950, which also spurned the last January tornado, an F-2. Tornado in southeastern Wisconsin: 200 yards wide, 5 miles, EF 3. Northern Illinois tornado 100 yards, 13 miles, EF 2 that formed along the Jet Stream and the warm moist air that helped build this thunderstorm. The BCS was tonight: LSU vs. Ohio State. Ohio State went up 10-0, and then by a series of fuck ups, penalties, fumbles, interceptions, LSU scores 31 unanswered points. Oh my. LSU's D-line was just too strong, they pressured the QB, tight coverage and appeared to be the much more disciplined team (penalties-yards LSU / OSU 4-36 / 7-89) and OSU going 3-13 on 3rd down is not the way to go about things. And now OSU is halfway into becoming the Buffalo Bills of the early 1990s. |
| > Sunday January 6th, 2008 < "Complete fluke or not, it is here to stay!" Ah the first two weekends of the NFL Playoffs. Both weekends 4 teams are eliminated from the ridiculous 12 team playoff system. 8 pretenders are eliminated. Then the final 4 weeks of the playoffs tend to drag on and on to get rid of the remaining 3 teams. I really wish the NFL would stop milking it so much and just get the Super Bowl over with. Roger Clemens did his 60 Minutes bit, which he came off as an arrogant lying jackass. Typical Texas asshole saying "I don't give a damn about the Hall of Fame and I put my butt on the line" & with lines such as the claim that he would be "pulling tractors with my teeth" if he were using steroids shit. We all know you got shot 'roids in the ass at the hotel rooms. Now we get to see you go to Capitol Hill and watch you perjure your pin cushion ass. As proven once again, nobody improves like that in their late 30s / early 40s without some kind of medical help. You cheating lying bastard. |
| > Thursday January 10th, 2008 < "DJ after playing radio commercial: 'Wow...those people must really hate Radio.' " Commentary Oh there was this article in the Tempo section of the Tribune today, of this 14-year old Atheist girl who was busy making shit for the school district, suing the district for implementing the "1 minute moment of silence at the beginning of each day", saying her rights were being violated. And of course, her Atheist dad is this loud-ass cowboy hat wearing self arrogant asshole was the head of the National Atheist group and would talk to his wife's stomach when she was pregnant with her and say things to her stomach like "God is make-believe. Daddy is perfect." This girl is a total selfish bitch, and refers to herself in the 3rd Person like "Don't mess with Dawn", "Dawn gets her way!" I hate people like that. Made me want to punch her. I read she "hates gym class and loves 800 page books" and "refuses to part her un-stylized hair like her father who wants her to be 'Robbie Jr.' ". So at least I'll take comfort she'll be an inactive dateless huge ugly whale come her adult years. Even as a non-religious person, I'm thinking of writing in to the paper to express my opinions of this.... annoying story. People taking petty shit and causing trouble where there shouldn't be any. When you hear about this kind of shit, it's a need to know "now why is this kid, a 14 year old and all, doing this in the first place?!" Figures she got this shit from her parents (hence why I still say broken homes are better, assuming you don't end up with the crazy one). "Screwed up people make screwed up kids." It bugs the hell out of me that they seem to enjoy pissing people off, and these people are just selfish arrogant attention whores who are doing nothing to help society. During the moment of silence, it doesn't have to be religious, it can be anything. As I seem to recall, we were too damn tired in the 1st period to even make any noise. These people today are just..... assholes. Speaking of more 'fuckered uppidty', I watch this AT&T commercial where this guy is dressed up in a giant cable bill envelope, mocking the family when they suddenly realize their cable bill is not in its "introductory rate" anymore. This reminds me of when I canceled my cable in December of '00, when I got sick and tired of my bill going up every month, ever so slightly. I don't remember exactly, but I think I started off at like $32 and ended up at $47. I called them up to cancel my service, and the asshole on the phone kept asking me "why???". I was like; "Why do you need a reason?" Then they were "Why are you canceling your service?!" So eventually I lied and told them I was moving, tho I was tempted to say "I got sick and tired of you assholes raising my fucking cable bill every other month!". Tho I was also tempted to say "I'm just canceling. What the fuck are you gonna do about it? Jump through the phone and strangle me? You don't need a fucking reason. End it now. Cut it off like it's cancer. You can't make me keep it; there's no contract." Nosy assholes. |
| > Wednesday January 9th, 2008 < "I am a doctor! I have more important things to do with my life than to 'fix a toilet' !!!!" Parent: "Hey come meet our kids, Qwerty and Tyuiop! " Guest frowns: "You're not very imaginative people, are you." |
| > Saturday January 12th, 2008 < "Golden showers bring May flowers!!!" Reading about the parking problem at the new Nationals Park, and basically, if you're not a season ticket holder, you are shit out of luck. Then you will have to take Metro or park in satellite lots. So far only 4,000 parking spots are secured, with 1,000 more by the March 29th exhibition game against the Orioles and possibly 7,000 total for the season. That's still pretty low for a 41,000 seat stadium, tho that's still a lot higher than the zero that's at Wrigley Field. What else can I tell you about Nationals Park? It'll be a Green stadium, energy efficient with plants on the roof and built in general mostly with recycled materials. Judging by the new Washington Nationals scoreboard, unfortunately they're going to keep the name, and even worse, the clunky and ugly wordmark. Doesn't it seem retarded that the "Nationals" play in the "National League" ? So I take it the next team who moves in the American League will be call the "Americans". Of course, this is a different time and era, you know, when it was the 1920 and sports teams were composed entirely of German, Italian, Polish and Irish immigrants. |
| > Friday January 11th, 2008 < "And that, is an inconvenient truth." Ah yes, etching ever so closer to completing the baseball reference page for the blog. Now it's just a matter of making the icon, double-checking the facts, stadium info and picking out the font. I was thinking of going with either Courier New 10 or Arial 10. Courier New is more condensed and spaced out compared to a tight Arial 10. I don't know what other useful information I could put on there. |
| > Sunday January 13th, 2008 < "I don't like retarded people." Well that's that. Jaguars, Colts, Seahawks and Cowboys go home and then there were 4. Eight of the 12 turds have been eliminated in a span of 9 days. Now we have to endure 21 fucking days to kill the final 3 turds. That's just too long. New England Patriots have already been declared winners of XLII, including by me around week 8 or so. We already have all the T-shirts, hats, posters, programs, DVDs 'n trophies all set up and made, so don't fuck it up! While Overall-Motherfucker Don Shula says this team is tainted by "Spygate" from Game 1 against the Jets. To be fair, they never even got to use that footage. And some people say "if you ain't cheating, you ain't trying". What do we call that, everybody? A. A = for Absurd. Give it up you old motherfucker, the '72 Dolphins are DEAD; just like most of the team. And who's to say you fart munchers didn't cheat at some point? What about all those dirty hits you did during tackles? How many refs did you take out to dinner Saturday night? How do we know when you had possession of the ball, that you weren't using the specially Hitler-fighting helium filled-up balls? Your team didn't go undefeated without steroids, that's for sure. And no, the Super Bowl is still not something you smoke. |
| > Tuesday January 15th, 2008 < "No preservatives, so don't let this shit rot in the freezer, mmkay?" On the 11th, it was announced the Cleveland Indians sold the naming rights to Jacob Field to the Cleveland auto insurance company Progressive, for the next 16 years at an average of $3.6 million totaling roughly $57.6 million, to "Progressive Field". Money is said to be for payroll boost, player development and ballpark upkeep (note 'no improvements').. To replace all of the signs, will cost $1.2 million, which comes out of the Indian's profit. I have to say, that's a very shitty name, and as much as I hate corporate names, if the money somehow improves your ballpark, it's not as bad (but still awful) and studies show that there is no reason corporations should invest in naming rights since it shows no improvement in sales of their companies. I'm still all in favor of fans calling the ballpark a better name, like "The Jake", "Sox Park" "Clemente Field", "Friar Field", etc. The Indians just lost one of their unique qualities for a bland, uninspiring shitturd that will bring no instant recognition and only bring on fan resentment. |
| > Monday January 14th, 2008 < "All She Does Is Laundry.mp3" In ballpark news, the Tampa Bay Rays decided not to ask the state legislate for money for their new ballpark in St. Petersburg, due to the like $2 billion dollars of Florida deficit. Apparently, the whole plan a $450 million dollar proposal to build on St. Petersburg's downtown waterfront. Now we all know the Rays have an iron-clause 30-year lease which has prevented them from moving. Justifying, they say of breaking that lease, is to tear down the stadium on its 86-acre lot, and build economic commercial buildings on it, which they say will be more beneficial for all, considering it's "very valuable land". Opponents of all of this, from people bitching about how it'd affect the stupid manatees because it would require building into the Ocean of another 26,000 acres. Big deal. Bitching about 26,000 acres in comparison of all the shore and ocean around you?? Other bitching that the ballpark isn't paid off yet. Considering how heavily ballparks have been funded by the public, reusing the old site is definitely one of the better ideas that I've seen. All of plans and proposals are expected to be put on the November '08 ballot. Of course, how much the team will foot & taxpayers will end up approving or paying remains to be seen. But the wheels are well into motion. |
| > Wednesday January 16th, 2008 < "Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy the town slut is back!" I finally got a chance to look at the new layout on the Chicago Tribune newspaper. Once again, the paper is smaller, a quarter inch narrower ( 1/2 inch less wide total) content squeezed from 11 1/2 inches to 11 inches per page, creating a larger margin which makes no sense. Apparently they're maintaining their more "readable" fonts this time, called "Nimrod", which I've never heard of. It looks just like fucking Times New Roman. And I quote officially: "We have changed our primary sans-serif typeface to the highly legible Benton Sans and are adding the very readable Poynter Agate One typeface." Um, Poynter Agate One? Okay.... Apparently the Friday Movies section is now merged with the apparent "highly read" Tempo section. The Weather Page, which I enjoy, on Saturdays suddenly moves from traditionally back page Saturday's "Weekend" section, to the back of a newly created Saturday Tempo section, where the Weather Page is usually in the back of the Sunday-Friday Metro section. Also, the traditional front page horizontal nameplate in "Tribune Blue" with white Old English letters was replaced; used for the past 26 years and was designed to be eye-catching at the newsstand, has been eliminated due to "ink costs" and now is just plain with blue Old English letters. Also the Weather Page has been redesigned. Smaller graphics (big surprise) out of town weather listed forecasts go from totaling 7 1/2 inches wide to 5 1/2 inches wide, text in this section and in the paper now are more spaced out compared to the older condensed way. Also I noticed they got rid of their temperature key for the U.S. map and now just put the temp's in 00's format on the map. They also cleaned up the U.S. map's keys, eliminating them and assuming we all know what the H's and L's and front keys are. The pointless "cloud outline" line has also been eliminated. Keep in mind, this map shows the day's highs and lows, but where the precipitation (and formally roughly where the clouds would be) at 6am Central time. Not really useful at all. Now the Sport's Scoreboard page is where it gets interesting. They picked a font so small, and so condensed, that 15 lines worth are packed into 1 vertical inch. 19 1/2 inches tall worth of space times 15, and you got 292 lines of text. You know for a medium where old people tend to prefer newspapers over reading it on a computer, they have a funny way of catering to the seeing-challenged. You need a god damn fucking laboratory-strength magnifying glass to read it anymore. Other sections got modest updates as well. But the thing I don't understand at all, with all these cost-cutting moves, is why increase the page / subject header? It was from being 10.5/16ths tall to 1 1.5/16ths tall, and the margins from 1/2 inch to 10/16ths of an inch all around. The comics section, which of course disappoints us all, somehow the panels didn't shrink, yet of all things, the fucking Jumble scrabble & Crossword puzzle got enlarged, forcing the removal of long-time resident "Dear Abby". I have a hunch that the Tribune's revamping of their paper was all hinged on Dear Abby's writer finally dying. And of course, all the columnists got their photos updated, which makes them look 15 years older, but of course, the "new" pics were taken 15 years ago, so they're actually 30 years older in actual age than their previous pics. Another thing I don't like, is how title of a continued column from Page 1 now have a very bold and condensed font (a real ink juicer) and they put two arrows like this: ">> COLUMISTSNAME" like it's a fucking traffic sign or something. The Tribune also ignored the biggest concern once again: hire some decent sportswriters. So based on my graphics and copy layout education, this is what we call a "shit turd abomination" layout. It really makes no sense to narrow your overall size and narrow your content even more when you could easily trim the page even more. The way the Tribune could save money, is only have the very front page in color, change all solid black ink nameplates to halftone grays and discourage cartoonists from ever drawing "night scenes". It is my prediction that in another 26 years, the Tribune paper will be about 4" wide and 12" tall, and contain only 4 pages, which will all just be captions and links to the website. And the age-old problem still exists: "Why am I still getting ink on my fingers?!!!" |
| > Friday January 18th, 2008 < "Yeah, nothing like old people talking about cereal. Yeah..." Well, completely ignored by me, this is the second new year that the current blog design is entering. And at the top, you'll see the year broken up between the title, which is in two separate text boxes. This year it took me 18 days to notice and change it it to "08", which is more than double the worse than last year's 7 days that I think that it took me to notice it. Way to go, me. Yeah, The Tribune has inspired me to do a blog makeover. I'll make the margins really big, make the graphics using only a 16-color palette, make the font size 1, and get a bunch of ad banners and make sure they saturate the space and make things more inaccessible and complicated (not that I'm like, mocking their own website at www.chicagotribune.com or anything, since I would NEVER do such a thing!) |
| > Thursday January 17th, 2008 < "ooo I'm pungent for pudding!" In ballpark news, "Negotiations are continuing on a $525 million plan to finance a ballpark for the Florida Marlins at the site of the Orange Bowl, but an agreement is again not expected to be ready in time for a scheduled vote of the Miami-Dade County Commission on Tuesday." In Milwaukee, improvements are being made to Miller Park. A complete makeover of the old .300 Club, "a membership-only club with a bar and restaurant that can handle up to 300 people. The area will have a new entrance, new bar, new furniture and new dcor." The second of 3 projects, is a 8,000-square-foot pointless kids area on the field level area in right field, providing yet another distraction in life of them preventing the learning of the sport baseball. I don't recall there being a whole lot of space in this area, which I recall was just full of seats. The third is a new 3,100-square-foot retail store in left field next to the existing store, "The Fan Zone store will be open during its normal store hours, but the new Home Plate Team Store will be open for business during Brewers home games." All these projects are being paid for by the Brewers. While I like Miller Park, I don't like how it has like 5 levels of seating or a roof. And as I recall, the air inside was very dead. |
| > Saturday January 19th, 2008 < "Love -> Cicadas On Fire.mp3" Reporter from sweepstakes company approaches front door of house and rings the doorbell. Old woman opens the front door: "Yes?" Reporter from sweepstakes company: "We'll give you $150 in cash if you hold up this big fake check worth $1,000,000." Old woman: "Okay." Reporter to cameraman: "Okay turn on the camera." **hands old woman check** Old woman starts jumping up and down: "I GOTS ME ONE HUNDRED AND FITTY DOLLAS!!!!" Reporter: "Yeah we'll edit out the audio later with the voice-over." end |
| > Monday January 21st, 2008 < "She was reading things backwards. How unholy!" Well here it is. Monday. 14 days until the Patriots win the Super Bowl. Still haven't put up my baseball page. Still don't have anything to talk about. It's cold. It's real cold. Don't like it. Don't particularly care for it. Don't feel like blogging, either. |
| > Sunday January 20th, 2008 < "You burned down the bar!" So what did the fans in Green Bay learn? Home field advantage blows. And that Brett Favre is a total pussy when it comes to playing in really cold weather. Of course, he shouldn't had been making such long and stupid passes in cold & wind like that. And those Green Bay fans had been outside for 4 to possibly 7 straight hours, and all they got was a lousy overtime, a Packer loss and frostbite. |
| > Tuesday January 22nd, 2008 < "I'm so super excited I need a potty break!!!!!" Salesperson: "Well you need a cell phone. Tell me about yourself." Customer: "Let's see.... Well I hate carrying stuff.." ".....well I hate being bothered when I go out...." ".....I hate spending money....." "....well, I hate talking on the phone....." ".... and I hate phones in general." Salesperson: "Get out." |
| > Thursday January 24th, 2008 < "Dear Spammer: I am content with the basic size of my genitalia." Last year's Boston Red Sox payroll totals were released, they spent $155.4 million, the Yankees spent $218.3 million. The Dodgers were third and spent $125.6 million, followed by the Mets whom spent $120.9 million and your over-rated Cubs, spent a beefy $115.9 million, to barely win their division, get swept in the playoffs, and had a MLB worst production from the #5 spot in the batting order with just 75 RBIs (MLB average is 91.8 runs from there). The 2007 Chicago Cubs were the team "whose rallies went to die in the 5th spot". But nevertheless, the article about the Red Sox that I read was dealing that impending doom is coming to the Red Sox, once the Yankees open new Yankee Stadium in '09, while their revenue soars, and the Red Sox.....will not, due to shitty 'ol Fenway. After reading the comments and applying the Polar Bear theory, (despite one comment was actually pro-Soccer / anti-Baseball which was completely ridiculous in itself) that apparently the fans: Want a state-of-the-art stadium Want the stadium to generate revenue on par or greater than the Yankees Wish to have seats that don't require the person to be 5' 8" or shorter Want a much larger stadium Wish that tickets weren't so god damn expensive, said given shitty surroundings. Now there's only so many things they can do to Fenway. The cheapest and most structurely dangerous solution would be to add a 2nd upper deck. Another would be to install even smaller seats. Another would be to build seats on the front of the Green Monster, and move the fences closer in. Another would be to get a bunch of Goodyear blimps and have fans pay to sit in those while it hovered over the ballpark during the game. Of course, they could just tear it down, rebuild a replica with a lot more seats. It'll have to happen someday. And if they don't, we'll get to see another ballpark collapse. |
| > Wednesday January 23rd, 2008 < "This is the stupidest day of my life." Young single male at Funeral: "Wow you look really young to be a widow." Young female widow: "Yeah I have Great-Granddaddy issues." Young single male flabbergasted: "Oh my....." |
| > Friday January 25th, 2008 < "Shut up, you Ass Cock!" The December 2007 portion of the "Untitled Daily Column Project" has been archived. Speaking of buildings, The Florida Marlins are apparently "closer than ever" in talks of getting their new $525 million 37,000 seating retractable stadium at the Orange Bowl site, set to open in 2011. The negotiations are between the team, city of Miami and Miami-Dade County officials. And unlike previous proposals, there will be no state money involved. The deal also includes renaming the team the "Miami Marlins". The numbers: The budget allocates $389.4 million for construction $4.2 million to furnish the stadium $131 million for planning, design, infrastructure and demolition of the Orange Bowl and other costs. The county, which would own the stadium, is to contribute $249 million, Miami $121 million Florida Marlins $155 million. Although its costs could be greater, the team would be required to set aside $20 million for cost overruns and any claims that resulted from building the stadium. Orange Bowl would have to be demolished by March 31st, 2008 Construction must be done by Opening Day April 1st, 2011. Once a contract is completed, the Marlins would have until April 30 to sign a "non-relocation agreement" with the county, assuring that the team stays in Miami for 30 years or until the city and county bonds used to build the stadium are paid. Once the stadium is built, the city and county would have the right to use the facility for 12 community events each year. And given the lease situation of the Marlins ending in 2010, and the complexity of this deal and so many instances involved, there's a really good chance something will end up getting fucked up with during this process. If they somehow pull this whole thing off, I will be very surprised. Also, with a name change, they'll need a cap logo & a new road script. Hopefully they'll blow up what they have and start over. |
| > Saturday January 26th, 2008 < "The sign said, 'Don't Be a Motherfucker'" It somehow flew under my radar that last week they rewarded Selig with ANOTHER 3-year extension from 2010 to 2012. I really don't like what Selig has done to the game, and this comment really disturbs me: "Up ahead in 2009 is the launch of MLB's television network. [Selig] predicted more change over the next five years. "By the time I leave, you won't recognize the sport," he said. I was FINALLY hoping baseball would be free of his tyranny, but once again fans and especially purists will have to suffer through more while he wrecks the sport. It really burns my ass & I can't think of much good he did for the sport; I was hoping they'd find someone else and I think he should had been fired long before the Mitchell Report came out. He ruined the All Star Game, the World Series, the playoffs, the pennant race and any different meanings the leagues once had. And this stupid bullshit. of opening the season in Japan is pointless, because the game is already huge there. Way to spit on a 125+ year tradition of the first game of the season being played in Cincinnati. I believe they used to open the MLB season in Cincinnati on the first Monday in April, with a parade downtown at Noon and a 1pm start, and basically treated the game as a holiday. Now, in the mid 90s, MLB & some ESPN fuckturd somehow got the idea in their heads that the sport would be better served with a Sunday Night ESPN game with the current World Series Champion, of their modern way of saying "our fucking way is better than your traditional fucking way." No, no it is not, and they're wrong. |
| > Sunday January 27th, 2008 < "Oh I just love these "stick-it-up-your-ass-fees" !" Attention Hubert Keller: If I'm going to pay $70 for one of your hamburgers, it better be an "all you can eat for a month hamburger". It's still just burgers and greasy deep-fried French Fries, you old glorified delusional Frenchman! |
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| > Monday January 28th, 2008 < "Hey!!! They put toys in our lead!!!" The Baseball Reference Page is finally now up on the website, which you can access by clicking on the baseball brown ball. Basically an area of general team info, tho I'm still considering bolding the category names to break up the monotony flow of it. And I kept the entries grouped on wherever the same franchise used to be with the current stuff. Everything here is all info you can find elsewhere, but I never found one single site that had all the info I wanted on one single page for that pesky trivia question. |
| > Wednesday January 30th, 2008 < "I love signs on fire" Well it's Wednesday, and I'm still deciding on whether or not to watch the Super Bowl. I find it completely absurd that :30 second commercials now cost $2.7 million, which of course these companies pass on the cost to us consumers with their product. What a huge farce the game has become, and they drag it out so long it takes like 5 hours to play the game, and I want to stick it to the man by not watching their stupid commercials during the Super Bowl, and we'll see the damn things a million times after the game during the year. Back in 2006, I ignored the Seahawks / Steelers Super Bowl, and it wasn't until Tuesday or Wednesday that I actually found out the winner. Good times. And apparently there's a Justin Timberlake / Andy Samberg Pepsi commercial (and no, local news, I do NOT appreciate seeing previews of the Super Bowl commercials!). Aren't Pepsi commercials where SNL alumni careers go to die? (Jimmy Fallon). And unfortunately, Jimmy Fallon is still the favorite to replace Conan O'Brien coming 2009. It is Lorne Michael's show and Lorne thinks Jimmy is funny. |
| > Tuesday January 29th, 2008 < "Take a load off, Fatass. And you put load right on me." Apparently in MLB, they're having the final Hall of Fame game, slated for June 16th, of Cubs vs. Padres. An exhibition game that's played during the season and started in 1940, will be ending due to HOF officials decided that keeping the game was "too difficult because of the complexities of the major league schedule and 'all its inherent challenges.'" Well there goes another fine MLB tradition. Everything is just going to hell and Bud Selig just wants to keep changing baseball to something we don't recognize. Tradition just being shot down, just like with adding of the DH, lowering the mound, relentless expansion, and even bowing out to tradition to the point of allowing immigrants to play the game. MLB, we hardly know ya anymore. |
| > Thursday January 31st, 2008 < "Bag of dead puppy bones" Apparently February is "Bake For Family Fun Month". What the fuck does that mean, and what if I want to Bake for Family Torture?? Will the "Bake For Family Fun Month" Police will come after me??? |
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