08
20
>  Sunday April 1st, 2007  <   �The price of ginger has caused us to relocate.�

Alright, here we go again.  The Untitled Daily Column Project is back and it still has no name.  Opening Day is tomorrow, and I�ll have my baseball picks up shortly.  A few thoughts on this season:

I have no idea who will win the World Series.  The N.L. East is up for either the Mets or Phillies, the Central is so wide open the Milwaukee Brewers could win it, and the West is the usual borefest.  The A.L. East will be for the nth time Red Sox vs Yankees.  The theory going around is that the A.L. Central is going to have 4 first place teams in it.  However, Minnesota lost two starting pitchers, Cleveland has like no bullpen or solid starter past the # 2, and the Tigers will inevitably be strained with tired and overused arms like last season�s White Sox, and Kenny Rogers will miss at least half the season.  So basically, it�s the White Sox division to lose, and if people, especially the starting pitching and especially Mark Buehrle start tanking, then the Sox will finish either 3rd or 4th.  I didn�t even bat an eyelash when Ozzie Guillen said he wanted Carlos Zambrano in a Sox uniform next season.  Completely unrealistic, the Sox will never give out a contract for more than 3 years and they refuse to pay free agent pitchers (it�s all cheap and young from here out). 

Suffice to say, I wasn�t too thrilled of trading Freddy Garcia over the Winter, but apparently his velocity is still down and Kenny pulled a turd-on-your-face trade with the Phillies, and luck have it, the Phillies play in the most homer-friendly park.  I�m still pretty pissed off about the McCarthy trade with Texas, turns out the Sox didn�t like his �attitude� and other stupid shit.  Well shit, if I was a starting pitcher and I got stuck in the bullpen while a crappy pitcher like Javier Vazquez pitched in my place, I�d be pissed off too.  I�ll tell you about the White Sox: if you don�t get along and kiss their asses no matter how big of a jerk or how stupid they are or how warped their being of logic is, you won�t be on the team, no matter how good you are or what you�ve done for them. 

Also on Monday, we�ll have a new NCAA Basketball Champion.  I don�t ever recall the Championship being on the same day as Opening Day.  Two major events shouldn�t happen on the same day.  But anyways, the blog is back.  In conclusion:

Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison: Okay, a simple "wrong" would've done just fine.
>  Monday April 2nd, 2007  <   �Chicago Train Derailment Blues�







And now, my 2007 picks:

A.L. West
ANA
TEX
OAK
SEA


N.L. West
LAD
SD
SF
ARI
COL

* - Wild Card
ALDS: NYY over ANA in 3
ALWC: CHW over BOS in 5
ALCS: NYY over CHW in 6

NLDS: NYM over LAD in 4
NLWC: PHI over HOU in 3
NLCS: PHI over NYM in 6

WS: NYY over PHI in 6.

What is my reasoning behind this?  I don�t know.  Quite honestly, I could reverse any of those combinations, and I�d say potentially anyone of those teams could win it all.  All it takes is a hot streak.  I�m wary of picking a Philly team to win it all, since they tend to choke the most.  I say teams that are headed for a huge crash this year are: OAK, WAS, PIT, ATL, MIN and BAL.  In a happy world, the Devil Rays would qualify for a Wild Card and the Brewers would win the N.L. Central, with the D-Backs suddenly taking charge of the N.L. West and the White Sox start off April with 19 wins.  Of course, none of this will ever happen, and it will be the same boring shit again this year.  Yeah the Yankee�s Opening Day pitcher Carl Pavano hasn�t pitched since mid �05 and you�d love to see that pitching staff completely fall apart, but that stupid lineup of theirs will keep them in every game all summer. 

And now, we bring our attention to this matter: 755.  The once-thought unreachable and most prestigious of all sports records is now a mere fart away from being broken.  Karma will be doing everything it can through the people involved to make sure this doesn�t happen (maybe a little help from Karma�s cousin, �Superstition�, and his sister, �Coincidence�).  I can honestly say that if Bonds breaks that homerun record, we can officially burn the record book, because it will be completely useless & I will never believe a single record ever again nor will I ever defend a single stat ever again.  And I hope that if you get the Extra Innings package, that you have Direct TV, otherwise you�re completely shit out of luck.  Way to fuck your fans up the ass, MLB.
A.L. Central
CHW
DET
CLE
MIN
KC

N.L. Central
HOU
STL
MIL
CIN
CHC
PIT
A.L. East
NYY
BOS *
TOR
TB
BAL

N.L. East
PHI
NYM *
FLA
ATL
WAS
Your daily dose of the absurd.
>  Saturday December 1st, 2007  <   "Boy you sure have a body perfect for radio!"

Well, it's day 19 of the Writer's Guild of America strike, which forced yet another SNL repeat, this one being "Thanksgiving Special".  I have to say, whoever put this together did an absolutely horrible job.  They've made Thanksgiving sketches before (like Vincent Price's Thanksgiving Special with a smashed Judy Garland) and they didn't even put them in this special!  Just a bunch of stupid dysfunctional family dinner sketches.  Oh yes, that's right, the only time of the year people eat at the dinner table is Thanksgiving. 

December 1st also marks the beginning of the Meteorological Winter Season, as to the Winter Solstice that falls on the 22nd this year.  Why the 1st?  I have no idea, probably to make it nice and tidy.
>  Sunday December 2nd, 2007  <   "Dunkin Donuts coffee: you can really taste the Rachael Ray piss."

That Bears game..... that Bears game... that was a hard loss. 16-21.  Being 6-6 would had been a lot better than 5-7, which basically is the end of the Bears season. Rex pisses me off so much. Even tho he wasn't horrible yesterday, it's obvious he's a terrible QB on 3rd down. 6 sacks, lost of 52 yards because of them, and 10 penalties for 71 yards killed pretty any chance for a win. The Bears actually won the Turnover Game 0-4, and if Professor Palmer saw that game, he'd be rolling in his grave. But, that's terrible that the defense made a crummy Giants team with a horrendous QB look like Hall of Famers yesterday.  Eli Manning was coming off a 4-interception >>> 3 TD game against the Redskins and he looked like shit in this game too.  And the sad thing is, the Bears were leading in this game most of the way, including 16-7 at the start of the 4th quarter, and blow it by giving up 2 touchdowns.  It's clear the coaching staff doesn't know what the hell its doing, especially the Defense late in the game.  The Bears play their next game on Thursday night, the 10th of 13 games not played on Sunday at Noon, and host the Washington Redskins at 7:15.
>  Wednesday December 5th, 2007  <   "You brought dirt into our house!!!!"

Hmmm..maybe that's a good name for my band.."Total Shit"

Announcer: "Ladies and Gentlemen: 'Total Shit!' "

**band starts playing**

Person in audience: "Wow these guys sound like total shit!"

Another person: "They ARE 'Total Shit'!"

**band continues to play**

Another person in audience: "Wow...complete shit."

Fan: " 'Total Shit'."

Musician shouts from stage: "This is my first time playing a bass guitar! Look at me, I'm Elvis Costello!"

Fan: "I think he's got that mixed up.  Wasn't that a reference from The Simpsons?"

Heckler: "Hey you don't strum a bass guitar, you idiot!"

Disappointed spectators: "total shit."

5 fans shouting & cheering: "Total Shit!!!!!!"

end
>  Tuesday December 4th, 2007  <   " 'Little Betty's first tattoo kit' "

Yestesday there was a Baseball Hall of Fame vote by the Veterans Committee for various managers and executives. And of course, the biggest news of that vote, was again the exclusion of former MLBPA executive director Marvin Miller. Say what you want about all the good Miller brought to the players, he is ultimately the reason why a man can't take his family for an afternoon at the ballpark without it costing an arm and a leg.

Marvin Miller succeeded the free agency clause, which caused ..er allowed players to become free agents after 6 years of service and be subjected to a bidding war with their next contract. All fine and dandy for the player, but it means higher ticket prices for you. It also killed pretty much any hope of a player playing his entire career on one team. This is exactly why I prefer team jerseys blank instead of with a player's name & number on the back. I can no longer have a favorite player on the White Sox, 'cause I know he'll end up playing on "The Enemy", whoever that ends up being. Free Agency also ended up with vile results when Orel "Bulldog Dodger Blue" Hershiser, of all people, was someday pitching & making millions while in #1 enemy San Francisco Giants black & orange, team loyalty is basically a dead concept. I don't know why Orel pitched for the Giants in '98 after 3 seasons in Cleveland, but if I was a true Dodger and appreciated what I had done for the team and its history and ten's of millions of dollars the Dodgers paid me over the years, I would never have pitched on the Giants, unless I was a real asshole. It's not like he needed the money. Of course, my jaded moment came in baseball came years earlier, after years of gradual salary bumps, when baseball's #1 salary at $4 million a year for Minnesota's Kirby Puckett, to Chicago Cubs Ryne Sandberg's #1 salary at $7 million a year. Sure is great, huh?

As I recall, the NFL didn't have free agency until like 1992 or '93, and that sport isn't exactly hurting or dying. And from the pro-Marvin Miller commentary that I've read around the web, Miller was NOT in fact "saving baseball players from levels of slavery". Get some god damn perspective: it's a GAME. "They had to work winter jobs". Oh no! Let's see, their "work" consisted of dressing up in a baseball uniform and going outside for 3 hours roughly 150 times a year, most of it where they were either sitting or standing around. The horror! Also, these same people claming blasphemy are saying the Hall of Fame is "poorer" for having omitting Miller. Hmmm, it's a Hall of Fame, not a general baseball museum. They have the right to include or exclude whatever the hell they want.

Today, with baseball with all of its A-Rod $27.5 million a year salary, with their little steroids problem, with the Florida Marlins trading Dontrelle Willis & Miguel Cabrera to Detroit and blaming it "on their stadium woes", this is what happens when you let Miller build the world's most powerful union that won after every single labor war, which somehow led to having illegal things legal in baseball. And you bet your ass Miller would have NEVER allowed steroid testing on players (which he was actually strongly against testing), alas it took a public and congress outcry to actually have the players wise up and realize "it's actually for their own good and for the integrity of the sport for the future". Marvin Miller was good for baseball players, bad for the game. I know I feel better, knowing that Tribune writer Phil Rogers would completely disagree with me.  I really wish these stupid assholes at the Tribune, like Rick Morrissey and Phil Rogers would stop writing such fucking bullshit that offends real baseball fans with their idiotic rhetoric and taking the stupid / wrong / newer-non-Old School side of a subject.  Why don't you write about something that we all would enjoy for once to read?  Just because you have a sportswriter's job doesn't give you the license to be stupid.
>  Monday December 3rd, 2007  <   "You're making god damn mountains out of molehills again!"

During the 'Antiques Roadshow'

Appraiser: "This ultimately rare Tiffany glass lamp is worth about $2,500 to $2,800, so be very, very careful with this lamp... " **drops it & it shatters** "Ohhhhhhhhh that's unfortunate."

Old woman: "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
>  Friday December 7th, 2007  <   "Having your wife appear on your TV show is a sure-fire way to lead to a divorce"

As I write this 4 days in the future, this 24-16 loss to the Redskins on Thursday night  feels like it happened weeks ago, and if this doesn't shut up the die-hards about playoffs at a record 5-8, then nothing will.  No, in the future, there are not flying cars yet, nor gasoline dependent vehicles off the road, we still can't go back in time, and the Government is still not serving us Soylent Green, which I think is a good thing, at least.  Well for the 4th time in 6 years, Rex Grossman got hurt and had to leave a game with a season-ending injury.  What is with this guy?  Is he like a broken Genesis record or something?!  I've had all I can take of Rex, and I hope the Bears don't offer him a contract and let Orton take over, because at this point, why the fuck not?  Bears management seems to have a horrible knack for drafting football players, and I think we're seeing the future: a team of degenerates falling apart when it counts most.  Seriously, if these guys are tired in the 4th quarter, grab a beer bong and dump some Red Bull down their throats, or make warm energy bar smoothies.  What the fuck, man?  What could it hurt?
>  Thursday December 6th, 2007  <   "Youtube - brace yourself."

I have two rules in life:

1. Magic is evil.
2. Don't play things backwards.

Carson Daly and Ellen DeGeneres are tools.
>  Saturday December 8th, 2007  <   "That fat kid on Two And A Half Men needs a beating in the worst way."

That was cute that the Chicago Bulls showed up to play the 16-2 Boston Celtics, and they tried as hard as they could, but it was inevitable.  They will lose.  At the start of the game right before tip-off Johnny Red Kerr & Wayne Laravee were talking about the Celtics shitty alternates of green with black letters and numbers, having worn their gorgeous 1956-57 roads the night before in Auburn Hills, which is kelly green with a radial-arched serifed "BOSTON".  But yeah, the Bulls..... they're still sucking and have zero inside game, and really suck on the 3's. 

Live..... from New York.... it's.... 2005?  Tonight's SNL was Jack Black / Neil Young from December 17th of 2005, with Black promoting his new movie, "King Kong".  All I had to say, was, "What the fuck?!  Rachael Dratch??  Finesse Mitchell?? Chris Parnell??"  These people have been gone for over a year and a half already.    So apparently, all SNL episodes from the past 3 seasons are fair game, as I now recall that during the 1988 strike, and looking back at the episode guide, they ran SNL's from 1986-1988 in full-length form, which before the days of cable, was really handy to catch up on what I missed due to being too young or not having a VCR.
>  Sunday December 9th, 2007  <   "Get car insurance from Garko."

Wow, what a last-minute comeback by Tony Romo on the Cowboys against the stupid Detroit Lions!  So THAT'S what a real quarterback does!  And Tom Brady, btw, awesome.  It's like, they both remain calm under pressure, can pick up blitzes, have time in the pocket, and get the ball to an open receiver without having to literally thread a needle.  Dallas won 28-27, after being down 20-14 at halftime.  It's a game that I wanted nobody to win, but in this case another Dallas win means nothing and Detroit needs every loss it can get to make sure they miss the playoffs once again. 

New NFL rule: Any cheering, taunting or celebrating on or off the field, or by any fans in the stands, will be penalized to the home team: lose of down & 15 yards.  Why? Because I said so.
>  Monday December 10th, 2007  <   "Apparently people are still not "getting it". "

More tips for musicians.

When playing a new song, it doesn't matter if you play the wrong chord, they've never heard the song before.  They won't KNOW.
>  Tuesday December 11th, 2007  <   "Wikipedia destroys."

After watching the 100th episode special of Family Guy, and noticing the snail-like pace of talks in the Writer's Guild of America strike, and greed being what it is and all, perhaps this strike will last until mid 2010. 

At the end of the 100th episode special, Seth MacFarlane says, "And here's to the next 100, and hopefully we won't get canceled for 2 1/2 fucking years in the middle again."

Now if I'm the Fox Network, and I actually watch the programs we put on the air, I would be rather pissed off at Family Guy, who basically mocks Fox every chance it gets.  Ever since Family Guy came back in 2005 with its 4th season, it seems like the show has a chip on its shoulder after two cancellations, and focused its goal from being witty and clever to stupid and as offensive as possible.  Now if I'm Fox, what would be the best way to stick it up Family Guy's ass again?  By testing people's patience, using the last bit left of scripted television, put out a shitload of reality shows, and finally come back 2 1/2 years later and say, "okay, you'll get some online royalties".  And of course, it takes a year to make one episode of Family Guy, so the earliest you'd see a new Family Guy would Fall of 2011.  And I would assume that this would piss Seth off to extremes and he would want to quit the show, but of course couldn't due to contractual obligations.  And Seth has been noted to make the show as far as the FCC will let them.  Seth is really pissed and he's turned into a real asshole.  And what's the biggest complaint by Family Guy fans?  "The show isn't as good as Seasons 1-3". 
>  Wednesday December 12th, 2007  <   "'And our toys are made with delicious lead!' "

It is Wednesday, December 12th, 2007, and I don't like Christmas.  Every year, Christmas becomes more and more commercialized, the store decorations and sales start sooner, and the TV commercials get more obnoxious.  2007, and it is very dreary.  This year has seen the explosion of Rachael Ray, and that is so not a good thing.  This stupid fat-faced sausage-finger heifer is everywhere.  I see her in commercials on TV every single hour, for that fucking Dunkin Donuts to Ritz crackers or whatever shit she's advertising.  She's on the cover of magazines - both the shitty kind and the really shitty kind � and in book stores, her "cookbooks" are displayed up front and are collecting dust.  You know, somebody might actually buy your cookbook someday if you were actually respectable and went to Culinary School!!  "Oh look at me, I'm Rachael Ray, and I hold ironic cooking contests for my viewers where I send the winner to Culinary School! "

"The War on Christmas", as Bill O'Reilly says, is all too real.  Schools are banning cupcakes from parties and holidays, in an effort to fight childhood obesity. Christmas really changes from when you're a kid to an adult.  All I see now is non-Christians trying to stamp out Christmas in schools, emphasis the economic impact of the season, and further removal of anything that is the real Christmas meaning.  Well congratulations, I no longer care or celebrate Christmas.  The mere site of Christmas lights is just another example of wasted electricity and disposable income.  The mere site of Christmas lawn decorations comes off as nothing more than tacky white trash redneckery. Christmas carols and songs sound nothing more than coming off antiquated and noise pollution.  Of course, I've been annoyed by these things more and more with each passing year, and I shall conclude by saying "George Bailey should have jumped off the bridge and Scrooge had the right idea." Bah humbug!
>  Thursday December 13th, 2007  <   "No, Commercial.  Everybody doesn't like Johnsville brats."

CHEATERS!!!  Each and very one of you!  I condemn all you cheaters to Hell!  You have all earned a lifetime banishment from all of my past, present and future video baseball games.  Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Feller said "I think there should be two Hall of Fames. One for drug losers and one for non-drug losers.".  Exactly.  There's too many guys on juice, and you can't suddenly cover the record book with asterisks.  Feller: "I don't think he'd get my vote," Feller said by telephone. "He was a great pitcher, but I don't like liars. I saw the whole press conference, and there should be consequences.".   As the result of the Mitchell Report coming out today at 1pm.  Stupid ESPN radio kept interrupting George Mitchell's speech with stupid station I.D.'s.  And of course, naturally the stupid idiot sportsjocks kept blowing off the report, that it means nothing and was a waste of time and money.  I get comfort knowing that every intelligent person I know thinks so little of these sportsjocks and the diarrhea they spew from their mouths everyday, which these stupid asshole stations pay these diarrhea spewers to say the diarrhea they say.

So now, it's time to list all these cheaters in their moment of shame!

NEW NAMES

Chad Allen
Mike Bell
Gary Bennett
Larry Bigbie
Kevin Brown
Alex Cabrera
Mark Carreon
Jason Christiansen
Howie Clark
Roger Clemens
Jack Cust
Brendan Donnelly
Chris Donnels
Matt Franco
Eric Gagne
Matt Herges
Phil Hiatt
Glenallen Hill
Todd Hundley
Mike Judd
David Justice
Chuck Knoblauch
Tim Laker
Mike Lansing
Paul Lo Duca
Nook Logan
Josias Manzanillo
Cody McKay
Kent Mercker
Bart Miadich
Hal Morris
Daniel Naulty
Denny Neagle
Jim Parque
Luis Perez
Andy Pettitte
Adam Piatt
Todd Pratt
Stephen Randolph
Adam Riggs
Armando Rios
Brian Roberts
F.P. Santangelo
Mike Stanton
Ricky Stone
Miguel Tejada
Ismael Valdez
Mo Vaughn
Ron Villone
Fernando Vina
Rondell White
Jeff Williams
Todd Williams
Steve Woodard
Kevin Young
Gregg Zaun
PREVIOUSLY LINKED

Manny Alexander
Rick Ankiel
David Bell
Marvin Benard
Barry Bonds
Ricky Bones
Paul Byrd
Ken Caminiti
Jose Canseco
Paxton Crawford
Lenny Dykstra
Bobby Estalella
Ryan Franklin
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Juan Gonzalez
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Jerry Hairston Jr.
Darren Holmes
Ryan Jorgensen
Wally Joyner
Gary Matthews Jr.
Rafael Palmeiro
John Rocker
Benito Santiago
Scott Schoeneweis
David Segui
Gary Sheffield
Derrick Turnbow
Randy Velarde
Matt Williams
>  Saturday December 15th, 2007  <   "owwwwwww my ass is on firrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee!!"

During 'Antiques Roadshow'.

Appraiser: **points towards elaborate wooden piece** "How much do you think it's worth?"

Guy: "Well let's see, I paid $25,000 for it, then invested another $75,000 in restoring it & taking it to many specialists who do this kind of restoration, so I'm guessing it's probably worth at least $210,000.  Based from the other ones I've seen online."

Appraiser: "Oh. Oh. Oh.  It's not even close. Not even close.  It's worth maybe... MAYBE $150."

Guy: "What?!"

Appraiser: "Yeah it's... it's a knock-off."

Guy: "GODDAMNITMOTHERFUCKER!"

Appraiser: "Yeah you got really ripped off."

Guy: "OHMYGOD!!"

Appraiser: "Yeah I'd be pretty angry too.  If I was were you.  But fortunately I'm not.  This has been Antiques Roadshow!"
>  Friday December 14th, 2007  <   "You can cop a feel if I can feel a cop"

As we look over the Mitchell Report, we notice not only Roger Clemens, who was so obviously juicing and was 'roid raging at Mike Piazza in the 2000 World Series, we notice a lot of shitty-ass players on that list.  Why did they juice?  To get any edge they could, to keep their sorry-asses in the big leagues.  That juice let them train harder and longer, put a m.p.h. or 2 on their fastball, a few extra points on their batting averages from balls that just zip quick enough to get out of the infield.   But the main emphasis of the Mitchell Report was to at least expose the 'roiding scene in baseball, even if it was just Selig trying to cover his ass on a problem he should have dealt with years ago, and to remind kids not to take steroids or performance enhancing drugs.  At least we now have an explanation of Glenallen Hill and his 500 foot Wrigley homers.  A few players have come out and said they've used HGH to help heal injuries faster.  Some say it induced injuries or Chuck Knoblauch's suddenly inability to throw a ball 90 feet to 1st base.  Some of these names should had been really obvious, but it doesn't seem to be affecting team's signing these guys. 

Wednesday night was also the Season Finale of "Kitchen Nightmares", where Chef Ramsay goes to some place in California called "The Secret Garden", which is run by a fat stubborn French chef named "Michel" (pronounced "Me-shell") and in his 7 years of running this place, he said he's lost an estimated $200,000 to $300,000.  The basic problem with this one?  Surprisingly shitty food from a France-trained chef, restaurant looked like it for old grannies, and too much comping going on for food.  So naturally, Ramsay being the arrogant Scotsman he is, becomes the first person ever to become confrontation to Michel.  Then of course, a shouting match occurs, employees freaking out, and an eventual scare tactic by Ramsay tricking into thinking the bank foreclosed the restaurant.  Of course our "fucking fat pig" of a Frenchman didn't find it amusing at all.  So of course, Ramsay has his staff do a restaurant make-over, then train the staff to do a new menu.  Re-opening night, things started off smoothly, but then the crowds and nerves got the best of Michel.  Some food critic came in and got an over-salted appetizer, and Michel started freaking out, and resorted back to his old menu, which resulted in orders getting backed up, Ramsay nearly blowing his head off, screaming and left the restaurant to cool off.  Then eventually Ramsay came back and restored the menu, to the quip of Michel.  Then suddenly orders were flying out, people getting served, and Michel was angered to be undermined in his own restaurant.  So flabbergasted, Michel leaves the kitchen and starts asking customers what they thought of their meals.  And of course, they all loved it, and Michel was at the point of making them WANT to hate the food.  Stubborn fat fucking pig, indeed.  Eventually $3,000 of profit was made, and we were left with a fat pig of a chef "who still hated Ramsay with every fiber of his being but finally realized his own flaws" and that's where we were left at.  No follow up, no real notes about the show and the website is bare and under construction, but apparently they are taking New Years reservations.  FUCKING SHUT IT DOWN.
>  Monday December 17th, 2007  <   "When I grow up, I wanna be a telemarketer!"

During 'Antiques Roadshow'

Appraiser: **points to small metal device** "Any idea how much it's worth?"

Old Man: "Oh I don't know, a few dollars?"

Appraiser: "Well there's a fascinating story behind this tool.  It was once used by...."

Old Man annoyed and interrupts: "So how much is that ratchet thing that's been sittin' ma' tool chest?!"

Appraiser: "About $2,000!"

Old Man now excited: "Wow.  Wow.. $2,000!  That... that can like... buy me a lot of beer.  Yeah, a LOT of beer, to the point that I could actually get through a weekend and actually have some leftover!  Wow!  $2,000!"

Appraiser: "This is the end of Antiques Roadshow."
>  Sunday December 16th, 2007  <   "Kiss your damn self!"

Damn it.  The stupid Miami Dolphins won their first game of the season, ruining their perfect 0-13 record.  Figures that the Baltimore Ravens after winning the OT coin flip, march down the field, lose yards on 2nd and 3rd down and miss a 40-yard field goal for the win.  Figures the Dolphins win on the 35th anniversary of the fucking 1972 Dolphins and in front of the non-dead members.  The only thing left to look forward to in the NFL this season is the Patriots quest for a perfect record, either 16-0 or 19-0.  I didn't want to mention anything earlier because that would have jinxed it.  In other terrible news, Brett Fucking Favre is now the NFL's all time passing leader, and he broke some other record with most wins ever or something.

NFL Fact of the Day:

In light of the slopfest that was the Miami Dolphins / Pittsburgh Steelers Monday Night game on 11/26/07 which the Steelers won 3-0 in the 4th quarter with :17 seconds to play,  in wondering if that was the lowest-ever score there have been 0-0 ties.

The 1920 Akron Pros were the first ever league champions, they finished with an 8-0-3 record, 6-0-3 in league play, ending their season in a 0-0 tie against the Decatur Staleys.  Akron Pros played in Ohio from 1920 to 1925, then 1926 as the Indians before folding, and the Decatur Staleys started NFL play in 1920, established in 1919, moved to be the Chicago Staleys in 1921 and then became the Bears in 1922.
>  Tuesday December 18th, 2007  <   "Fucking paperback writer!"

Rachael Ray: "Today on The Rachael Ray Show we're going to make a healthy and tasty turkey burger!  This ground turkey lean is 98% fat free, isn't that great?!�"

**audience enthusiastically applauds**

Rachael Ray: "But don't you worry!  We'll put the fat back in there somehow!  Here comes a dozen bacon strips!  Lot's of shredded cheeeeeese.."  **dumps cupped handful on** 

Rachael Ray: "Some yummy mayoooooo... " **ice cream scoops it out** 

Rachael Ray: "Some maple syrup for the baconnnnn....." **squeezes bottle in a death-chokehold**

Rachael Ray: "And we gotta butter our burger buns!  **dunks the buns in a melted butter bath**

Rachael Ray: "And there you have it!!!  98% fat free and totally delicious and healthy!"

**silence from audience**

Rachael Ray: "What?  What?!?!!"

**more silence from audience**

Rachael Ray: "Today, everybody in the audience gets a copy of one of my cookbooks! Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy!"

**audience leaves**

20 minutes later.

Producer: "Hmmm, Rachael.  It seems the parking lot is littered with your cookbooks."

Rachael Ray squealing like a pig: "Squeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllll!!!!!"

Person in another room: "Holy SHIT somebody let a pig in the studio?!!"

Rachael Ray: "Gimme my Dunkin Donuts Coffee-Ritz Cracker-Bacon smoothie!!!!!  Squeeeeaaalllllllll!  Squeeeeeeeeaaaaaaallllllll!! Squeeeeeeeaaaaaaalllllllll!" **sucks on it like there's no tomorrow**

Producer: "Sad.  Very sad."

end
>  Thursday December 20th, 2007  <   "Wallpaper: dirty filthy messy whore."

Well apparently the Florida Marlins - to be renamed the Miami Marlins in 2011 - are getting ever closer to their new stadium funding.  But, this is basically a last-minute effort, and the Marlins tried to get their way & as much money as possible but, in the end, they're forced to compromised.

The site will be at the Orange Bowl, which will require tearing down the current stadium.

It will cost $525 million instead of $490 million (cost was $360 million in 2005), seat 37,000 fans and have a retractable roof with grass.

The team now pays $155 million up front unlike previous proposals, and the team will pay for any cost overruns.  It will cost taxpayers $370 million.

There's still votes and measures to be passed since there seems to be a lot of re-directing of money for city projects of Community Redevelopment Agencies. 

And apparently I learned a new fact on why they're making seating capacities smaller in new baseball stadiums.  The last few thousand seats are the most expensive to produce, and yet bring in the least amount of revenue.  And also the marketing aspect, of scaring fans into buying tickets sooner do to the fewer seats available.  Sneaky bastards.
>  Wednesday December 19th, 2007  <   "We's was so doped out of our minds we had no IDEA the cameras was rolling!"

Commentary

What the fuck?!  How are these hardware stores selling out shovels and scrapers every time it snows?!  What, are people throwing away their shovels and snowblowers once the snow melts every year?  You know shovels and scrapers have a shelf life that can span decades... Yes...literally decades! I mean my god, Newbie!  Oh dear, your car is stuck in the snow.  Did you HAVE go out driving during a snow storm?!  What is so god damn important that when the snow is coming down an inch an hour, you have to absolutely go run errands?!  I mean my god, Newbie!  And if you say you had to Christmas shop, I will kick you.
>  Sunday December 23rd, 2007  <   "honey: bee jizz or vomit?"

BEARS BEAT GREEN BAY AND SWEEP THEM IN '07!  Oh what a Bears game!  Crooked field goal, blocked punts, blocked punts returned for touchdowns, interceptions returned for touchdowns, 40 m.ph.+ winds from the West, short kicks, long kicks, tipped passes, dropped passes, botched snaps, unpredictable ball routes, the Bears defense spending most of the game on the field, Kyle Orton with a touchdown pass & a 2-point conversion pass.  3-0 CHI on first drive that took 10 minutes off the clock.  6-0 CHI, but that was after the Bears stopped Green Bay deep in their own territory and went for it on 4th and goal of inches, failed, and then get the ball back, and attempt a 35-yard field goal into the wind on 4th down - they didn't want to kick it inside the 5, but yet inside the 15?  Okay?  7-6 Green Bay on one play.  13-7 CHI at Halftime.  21-7 CHI.  28-7 CHI.  35-7 CHI.  It should be noted, that an Arctic cold air mass that came in over night, that dropped temps from 50 degrees at midnight to 20 degrees with 30-40 m.p.h. winds and wind chills below zero with flurries east and tons of snow north and west.  Ah the wind.  The wind made Favre look like total absolute shit.  Quite hilarious, actually.  And Lovie Smith is now 6-2 against Green Bay.  Kyle Orton apparently did a fantastic job in the game today unlike Favre.  And with this victory, the Bears have knocked Green Bay out of home field advantage for the playoffs, which Dallas gets.  Ah the Bears fucking a rival opponent in the ass. 

I love how these NFL "experts" in the Tribune section make these pre-game predictions:

Rick Morrissey 21-7 GB: "It's rivalry week, and you know that means: another Bears loss". 

John Mullin 17-16 GB: "three losses in a row in the last four games, three in a row scoring no more than 16 points - there is little if any positive momentum in a lost, get-it-over-with season."

Dan Pompei 24-12 GB: "My hunch is the difference between Tarvaris Jackson and Brett Favre will be obvious for all to see. "

Fred Mitchell 34-17 GB: "The Bears have defied the odds in recent weeks by showing that it takes more than turnovers to win in the NFL."

Vaughn McClure 31-17 GB: "Brett Favre is, well, Brett Favre."

Melissa Isaacson 31-17 GB:  "Though there is still a measure of pride in the Bears' locker room, there also are fewer and fewer reasons to believe the Bears can parlay that into more than a respectable couple of quarters."

David Haugh 23-10 GB: "Brett Favre was crying the last time he walked off Soldier Field.  This year, he'll be laughing.  Look at the bright side, Bears fans: the Pack might saty alive for home field, but your team is still alive for a Top 10 pick."  [idiot!  The Bears would NEVER let themselves that benefit!]

Terry Bannon 20-13 GB: "The Packers have found a way to do something the Bears can't do - run the ball consistently.� "

And now, I saved the biggest idiot jackass for last:

Mike "I should go back to L.A. where I belong" Downey 21-0 GB: "So, who's the Bears' quarterback THIS week?  Mike Vick?  Chris Leak?  Cade McNown?  Some indoor dude from the Rush?  Brett Favre's second cousin on his daddy's side?  A friend of Kosuke Fukudome's from the Japanese Football League?  This team changes quarterbacks more ofthen than Charlie Weis.  I bet you Green Bay fans are laughing your cheeses off."

More jackassedery from someone with a mustache who thinks his funny, but he's really not.  And this guy is a Bears fan!  And the final stats:

Kyle Orton: 8 for 14, 101 yds, 57%, 0 sacks, 1 TD, 0 INT , QB Rating 103.6
Adrian Peterson: 30 rushes, 102 yrds, ave. 3.4, long 21, 1 TD, 0 FUM

Brett Favre: 17 for 32, 153, 53%, 1 sack, 4 ydsL, 0 TD, 2 INT , QB Rating 40.
Ryan Grant: 14 rushes, 100 yds,  ave. 7.1, long 66, 1 TD, 0 FUM

And you know how the Bears won this game?  Through picking field position.  They played the 1st and 3rd quarters with the wind to their backs.  Weather is always the X-Factor, and if these so-called "experts" ever even looked at a weather map or a football game play in the rain or snow, then they'd know that the game completely changes due to the conditions.  Brett Favre was already erratic in fair weathered games with his passing, and this was like being a monkey in a whore house.  It's pathetic that these "experts" don't have the balls and make a bold prediction, citing nothing more than sad-sack shit.  And worst thing is, they all get to keep their jobs for being wrong.  That ain't right.  Fuck you all.  Yeah.
>  Saturday December 22nd, 2007  <   "Cheapness is a virtue."

Musician on stage: "This is a love song about mucus and phlegm....."

"Mucus and phlegmmmmmm....you keep me lubricated...
Mucus and phlegmnmmmmm...I do appreciate it..
Mucus and phlegmnnnnnnnn... you have vacated.
Mucus and phlegmnnnnnnnn....you will be repeatedddddd..."

Crowd: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Musician spits on crowd: "I say 'fuck you' to all who doesn't like being congested!"

Crowd: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
>  Friday December 21st, 2007  <   "Cheapness is a virtue."

Note: As of yesterday, the Tribune Company no longer owns the Chicago Tribune newspaper, the Tribune TV company and by extension, no longer owns the Chicago Cubs.  How ironic that by the time the Tribune newspaper is no longer biased (at by association) baseball coverage, the Sun-Times is about to go belly-up, due to losses.  Well, wouldn't that be something?  Chicago's biggest diarrhea spewer; Jay Mariotti, would be out of a job.  The world would be spared of his rhetoric.

The Bears are 8 1/2 point underdogs, so naturally, in a game that everyone predicts the 5-9 Bears will lose to the 12-2 Packers, the Bears will end up winning games that they have no business winning, and losing games they shouldn't.  As you know, the Bears beat Green Bay on an exciting play in the 4th quarter on a Sunday night national game on NBC on October 7th, a game the Bears should have never won, and since then, Green Bay has been on a tear.  So naturally, the Chicago Tribune sports section is like a funeral pyre, full doom and gloom for Sunday's game.  Need I remind you, when the Bears went 13-3 in 2001, 2 of those losses came to Green Bay.  Yes, payback is a bitch, but in a grand sense, it means absolutely nothing other than trivia between the two fan bases. 

Tomorrow is the Winter Solstice, so it'll be the shortest daylight of the year, at 9 hours, 8 minutes and 37 seconds, and the Sun was the lowest angle in the sky at midday at 24 degrees and 42 minutes above the horizon.  It's dark, dark in the daytime.  Also there's a huge temperature difference in the country right now, with 0's in North & South Dakota, with 70s in mid-Louisiana, and it's that kind of wide temperature difference in a tight space results in pretty heavy precipitation, especially with two Jet Streams merging.  Aside from the 30" of snow that fell on Northern New York and the 18 inches of rain Houston got last year, I'm still awaiting the merging of blustery dry cold Arctic air that's -35 below zero meets some 120 degree Tropical ultra saturated air.  Ah, what a mixture that would be.  Or better yet, cold Arctic air hitting a Hurricane!  And some line I heard somewhere:

"I don't believe in Global Warming in the Winter.  Only in the Summer."
>  Tuesday December 25th, 2007  <   "Oh you got a little mullet problem, there."

And now for Christmas tradition, the posting of the lyric's of the Rugburn's 1995 "I hate fuckin' Christmas".

Dashing through the snow ....

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii haaaaaaate fuckin' christmaaaaas
Seems like it's one big "have to do"
Seems like everybody that you meet on the street
Has been singin "halle-fuckin'-lujah"

Well, the mistletoe on the ceiling really
Makes me wanna do ya

Christmas it's so hard to find cocaine
Now it seems I can't get outta bed
All those dickheads in their white shirts on my T.V.
Singin' "Please don't drink and drive"

Well, that's pretty good advice
'Cause ya just might spill your drink

Christmas, it's the time for stealing presents
Out from underneath your neighbor's tree
Look's like little Johnny just won't get his
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

Well, I'd better wear a rubber
'Cause that turtle might be fertile

Today I think I'll screw my brother's girlfriend
All he ever does is go to work
When he goes downtown to buy the
Dead bird, who's the fuckin' turkey?

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii haaaaaaate fuckin' christmaaaaaaas.

END
>  Monday December 24th, 2007  <   "Are you crazy??  The man sings to his toilet"

Well this has been one shitty-ass Christmas Eve.

1. The Bulls fired Coach Scott Skiles today, which is total bullshit, even tho they should have fired GM John Paxon instead for putting together such a crummy team and over-paying old fart Ben Wallace and drafting high a shitty hippie who can't shoot. Skiles was a disciplinary coach who was well-respected and it's not his fault the idiots aren't making their shots.   Way to fire a guy on Xmas Eve, assholes.

2. My favorite Jazz musician died, Oscar Peterson. I'm still pretty new to the Jazz world, but I found myself finding his stuff my favorite.

3. What was my Christmas present today? I got not only my credit card bill, but my car insurance bill as well! This is like my companies saying "we sure hope you didn't spend all your money on gifts for loved ones, because you need to pay us large sums of money, so you better screw them over and pay us! Baw-hahaha!" Well 'stick it up your aaaaaaass!!', companies, 'cause I don't Christmas shop!

I will tell you a short story of how my parents helped killed Christmas for me. In 1990, I was doing my Christmas list as usual, and for some reason, my parents decided to teach me a lesson about Greed. My parents put this present under the tree two weeks before Christmas, and they kept pointing to it, saying how much "I'm absolutely going to love it, and how it'll be the greatest gift I have ever gotten", so being the idiot gullible un-suspecting 12-year old I was, I started getting excited. So fast-forward to Christmas morning, and I open up my presents; same usual crap: some books, a few T-shirts, a piece of sports equipment, and then finally.... "the present". I was handed it while sitting on the couch, and it was pretty heavy. I open it, parent with camera in hand, opened, *flash* and then laughter. What was it? It was a rock.. a big, oval shaped melon-sized beige rock with "Merry Christmas Dolph 1990" painted on in yellow John Deere touch-up marker-paint. Lacking in teenage hormones, I was unable to hurl the rock at my fucking parents with extreme anger but sat there in utter shock. And from that moment on, I started caring less and less about Christmas. And also, Christmas doesn't really mean much to teenage guys, and by the time I reached adulthood, I was so sick of everything related and completely stopped celebrating. Family? Lunatics aren't family.

So tomorrow will just be like any other day in the day; just like my birthday; and just go about my business as usual. And I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Scrooge & the Grinch had the right idea and George Bailey should have jumped off that bridge". Bah humbug!
>  Wednesday December 26th, 2007  <   "Judge, you have gonorrhea of the mouth!"

Guy #1: "Hey your broken leg is here!"

Guy #2 confused: "What?!  What are you talking about?!"

Guy #1: **smashes sledgehammer on Guy #2's leg**

Guy #2: "OWWWWWWW!!!!"

Guy #1: "Told ya!'

end
>  Friday December 28th, 2007  <   "Please don't bleed on the microphone."

2007 in Review of the Television Shows I Watch.

I have to say, my TV viewing is down this Fall. I really didn't invest any time for new shows, other than the very few. Might as well go about this per night.

Sunday. King of the Hill, surprisingly having a solid 13th season. Family Guy. Could this show get anymore offensive? Somebody give Seth a good talking to, because his vengeful attacks towards Fox are seriously ruining the show. American Dad. Still steady with its laugh-out-loud moments.

Monday. It's all CBS. How I Met Your Mother. I have to say, when "the Doog" came out of the closet this year, I find it really difficult to be convinced of him being "Barney the Womanizer" on the show. Lite Comedy, it has a few funny moments. The Big Bang Theory with the 4 nerds is actually pretty funny, especially the tall nerd being a total jerk. It's always nice to see "Roseanne" alumni on TV. Two and a Half Men: terrible.  Rules of Engagement, nothing really blows me away about this show, and of course it has David Spade basically playing himself, and "David Puddy" playing a passive not-as-stupid-as-Doug Heffernan in another show where the married couple schools the young couple with another annoying moody-controlling young female.

Tuesday. Bones: ridiculous. House: pointless and Gregory House doesn't snarl any more.

Wednesday. Back To You. Sorry Patty & Kelsey, but it comes off as a weak "Murphy Brown" rip-off. 'Til Death. Again, weak and "Rules of Engagement" basically ripped off the plot but they have better actors. 'Til Death reminds me of a weak "Everybody Loves Raymond" where it's the Brad Garrett vehicle and the husband & wife are constantly fighting. Kitchen Nightmares: yeah. YEAH!!! Chef Gordon Ramsay: "Green burgers KILL PEOPLE!!". Very entertaining 10 episodes. Rage and food, gotta love it. And there's another thing I learned: don't ever eat in a New York restaurant. "Dillons" episode, the  restaurant had roaches and bugs all over their freezer and storage, and yet the NYHD gave them a 95 out of 100. It's also amazing to see the stubborn arrogance of some chefs, refusing to take advice even in the face of bankruptcy. And of course, in some cases the situations were just too dire and the restaurants had to close. And you could tell all the ladies had the hots for Ramsay. And I saw some of the most disgusting kitchens of my life.

Thursday. NBC Must See TV. My Name is Earl: this show was getting redundant and the flashback episodes were clever, and another old favorite of Craig T. Nelson as the incompetent warden was pretty good.  Earl is finally free, damn it! About time they wrapped that up. PBS "Chicago Tonight" for 7:30pm. The Office at 8pm, still my favorite show with gut-choking moments (i.e. during "Cure for Rabies" Dwight kicks off the "Fun Run" with looked something like a .44 Magnum with real bullets used in an Industrial Park. Stanley's reaction killed me). As for the Jim / Pam plot, I don't care for mushy shit like that. Tho I will say, second, third, fourth & fifth viewings of these episodes aren't aging as well.  8:30pm is Scrubs, which feels like old episodes again but is clearly out of gas. Oh well, at least it was nice to see Dan get his life together.

Friday night is all PBS stuff for me.

Saturday. Saturday Night Live. That whole Maya Rudolph thing was nauseating, and they seriously need to get the old out and get some fresh blood in there. At this point, the only people I would keep would be Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis, Andy Samberg, Kenan Thompson and Kristen Wiig. Why? Why bring Chevy Chase back? Why?

Sunday-Friday nights 9pm-10pm: Frasier repeats. Still one of the best shows ever made. Daphne wonders why Niles has celery in the house if he hates it:
Niles: "Maris liked to have it in case she felt like bingeing. "

Things That Bugged The Hell Out Of Me in 2007.

Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. My god, Newbie, what in the hell is this country's obsession with these three broads??! Who cares what they do!

White Sox GM Kenny Williams. Is there any more pathetic GM in baseball? He never gets his man; he whines about how "unfair the American League is", and basically tied up $107 million on a bunch of one-dimensional players. Too busy micro-managing everything for the future, plus the fans are pissed off. The best I can hope for is a 3rd place finish, but they will probably finish last, and they are now officially the Baltimore Orioles of the Midwest.

Roger Clemens lying about his steroids and HGH use. You big fat arrogant pig! It's so obvious he was taking designer steroids, because nobody improves that much in their late 30s / early 40s. I condemn you to Loser Cheater Hell!

Rachael Ray. I really don't care for annoying, loud, weezie chain-smoking Marlboro Reds - Dunkin Donuts coffee-whore French-Italian American midgets with sausage fingers and chipmunk cheeks who her show acts like a Short People / Midget Party Convention. Seriously, Executive Producer Oprah: "Why?". The thing that really bugs me about Rachael Ray, is she has never taken a class of culinary school in her life, her cookbooks have been criticized to death for their inaccurate info, usings of chicken and beef stock as a crutch and is in almost every recipe, and holds ironic contests to send amateur cooks to culinary school. Plus she's EVERYWHERE. Hell when I went to the Jewel to get some booze, when I heard her voice over the PA system, I damn well almost popped open that hooch right there on the spot.

The canceling of Andy Parker P.I. Come on, NBC, what the hell is wrong with you?!

NBC announcing Conan O'Brien moving to L.A. Sad. Very sad. And pale-skinned Conan is gonna get burned into a beet under that Sun.

Tina Fey. Oh why oh why is she getting plastered everywhere?? Grrrrrr. Now it's time for my Tina Fey impression: "Hello, my name is Tina Fey and I'm not funny."

What I Rediscovered.

"Afternoon, ev'rybody." "NORM!" A childhood classic of mine. I hadn't watched Cheers since it went off the air 14 years ago. In retrospect, I thought Ted Danson was animated on "Becker", but he was really using his wheels on "Cheers".  No wonder he was the highest paid actor at $71,000 per episode. I also noticed that some of my sense of humor I apparently got it from "Cheers". That was a little known fact that came to me.

What I Discovered.

"Two and a Half Men": not funny! Watching 2 episodes in repeats every night, Charlie Sheen doesn't strike me as a comedian, especially with that one expression; that one tone of voice. This show came off to me as a modern twist of "The Odd Couple", which Alan Harper reminds me of Felix Unger and Charlie Sheen as a suave Oscar Madison. And that fat kid Jake... he needs a smacking in the worst way.
>  Thursday December 27th, 2007  <   "If your poop is clogging up the toilet, it means you're eating too much!"

And the NFL fans win this round: NFL to broadcast Saturday night's Patriots / Giants game on a simulcast on CBS & NBC.  "The NFL had faced mounting pressure from politicians in recent weeks to make the game available to more viewers."  This game has significance, since the first-ever 15-0 Patriots are going for the first-ever 16-0 Patriots, and the game was available for only less than 40% of U.S. homes.

Well this is a big "Fuck You" to the NFL, rightfully so.  Fucking NFL, trying to push their NFL Network shit on people and raise their cable bills.  There's always comfort, that as citizens of the United States, if something pisses us off enough, even if it comes in the form of something so pedestrian like sports, that our politicians will take time and force these sports industry assholes to do what really should be done: not blackmailing the fans.  I don't care if it has nothing to do with general politics, it always doesn't have to be about "saving the baby from a burning building" or World Peace.  I've invested time and money into the medium: get it straightened out or else.
>  Saturday December 29th, 2007  <   "...When you're living in a van down by THE RIVER!"

Assholes.  Dirty motherfuckers.  Ruiners.  Fuckwads.  Piece of Shit.  Fuckturds.  Fuckers.  These are the names I would call the New York Football Giants.  With absolutely nothing to play for & their playoff spot completely secured, Saturday night in the Meadowlands of New Jersey; where apparently the most NFL games have been played at Giants Stadium (opened in 1976, Giants 1976-present; Jets 1984-present) the 15-0 New England Patriots were to play the 10-5 New York Football Giants in a historical game. 

I watched NBC's feed from the NFL Network, and I have to say, I was pretty nervous throughout the game.  It almost seemed like the refs wanted the Patriots to lose.  Plus there was the bullshit play of Randy Moss record-tying 22nd TD-catch that a record-tying  49th Tom Brady TD-pass where the Patriots became the all-time scoring NFL team with their 561st point (eventually 589 Points For- NFL record)  which the Patriots got flagged for a "group celebration", which pushed them back 15 yards and that kickoff was returned for a TD to put the Giants up 14-10.  It was 21-16 Giants at Halftime.  It was 28-16 Giants in the 3rd quarter, the longest the Patriots would trail, and then would rack up 15 unanswered points with a 2-point conversion, which included record-breaking TD-pass & reception on a 65-yard play, which they tried on the previous play but was under-thrown.  Then eventually it'd be 38-28 Patriots with about 6 minutes left and a Giants TD-drive that ate up 5:17 off the clock, which pissed the fans off a lot.  A failed on-side kick by the Giants with about a minute left and the perfect season was secured. 

After much pressure, the game was broadcast on 3 networks, something haven't been done since Super Bowl I.  Perhaps in the end, the NFL thought this was a great idea to show off their product and show the fans what they were missing, but Bryant Gumble of "Gumble to Gumble" is absolutely a horrible, horrible announcer.  A bad voice and comes off as annoying.  He actually hurts the product more than helping it.  And in the end, games like these are extremely rare, and this is not going to put any NFL fans in panic mode and sign up / pressure their cable providers to carry the NFL Network.  It was a pretty shitty produce; on my non-HD-TV, I couldn-t ever see what down it was since the graphics couldn't fit on my oval screen. 

I for one am glad the Patriots won.  Records are made to be broken and "Fuck you" to the 1972 Dolphins and their perfect season with a shorter schedule and their fucking schadenfreude with the champagne celebrations every year after the last undefeated team loses, as well as a "Fuck you" to the '85 Miami Dolphins for ruining the '85 Bears perfect season, and that a New York couldn't defeat a perfect New England team, even tho they were motherfuckers, playing all their starters in a pointless game & intentionally roughing up Randy Moss with sole intent to injure.  That's what's so fucked up about football that just bugs the hell out of me.
>  Monday December 31st, 2007  <   "Passing plow truck gets hit by pedestrian"

Stolen from Tim Brown's Yahoo column.  It sums up all the baseball shit I wrote in 2007 or meant to:

The milestones:

Craig Biggio 3,000 hits
Frank Thomas 500 home runs
Tom Glavine 300 wins
A-Rod 500 home runs
Sammy Sosa 600 home runs
Bonds 756 home runs
Jim Thome 500 home runs
Trevor Hoffman 500 saves
Clemens 350 wins
Pedro Martinez 3,000 strikeouts
Todd Jones 300 saves
Bobby Cox 132 ejections

Franchise achievement:

Chicago Cubs 10,000 wins
Philadelphia Phillies 10,000 losses

The no-hitters:

Mark Buehrle, April 18 vs. Texas
Justin Verlander, June 12 vs. Milwaukee
Clay Buchholz, Sept. 1 vs. Baltimore
Buehrle's was the second (Anibal Sanchez) in nearly three years, and by the time Buchholz turned his second big-league appearance into a no-no, there'd been four in less than a year.

When the music stopped:

Baltimore: Sam Perlozzo fired, Dave Trembley hired
Kansas City: Buddy Bell resigned, Trey Hillman hired
New York: Joe Torre backs out, Joe Girardi hired
Seattle: Mike Hargrove resigned, John McLaren hired
Cincinnati: Jerry Narron fired, Pete Mackanin promoted/demoted, Dusty Baker hired
Houston: Phil Garner fired, Cecil Cooper hired
Los Angeles: Grady Little resigned/fired, Joe Torre hired
Pittsburgh: Jim Tracy fired, John Russell hired

Bats and pieces:

Houston lefty Trever Miller pitched in 76 games and had no wins or losses, a record (or, non-record, in this case) that might never be broken.

Minnesota rookie general manager Bill Smith holds defiantly to lefty Johan Santana, an impressive show of resolve in the face of veteran counterparts Brian Cashman, Theo Epstein and Omar Minaya. Impressive, that is, unless Santana grabs an elbow March 12.

Tony La Russa nods off, gets arrested and catches a few V's.

Facing a rebuild in the clubhouse and recognizing there were better contractors out there, the Dodgers dump Little. Somehow, every time things go to pieces on Little, Torre benefits.

In spring, the Dodgers return the names to the backs of their jerseys. By late summer, they demand their anonymity back.

Texas drops 30 - 30! - on the Orioles on Aug. 22. Next day, O's owner Peter Angelos fires defensive coordinator.

Jimmy Rollins and Curtis Granderson go four by 20 in doubles, triples, homers and stolen bases. In votes reflective of the strength of their leagues, Rollins wins NL MVP, Granderson finishes behind nine others in AL MVP.

Ichiro Suzuki has the first inside-the-park home run in All-Star Game history, not the last time the AL will run circles around the NL (See: World Series).

Prince Fielder becomes the youngest ever - at 23 years, 4 months, 18 days - to hit 50 home runs. Take that, Pops.

The two biggest deals at the mid-summer deadline - Mark Teixeira to the Braves, Eric Gagne to the Red Sox - amount to nothing. The Braves miss the playoffs and the Red Sox win the World Series in spite of Gagne.

Four months after the league honors Jackie Robinson, the entire Indians roster dons Larry Doby's No. 14. Nice.
>  Sunday December 30th, 2007  <   "Cue to man: "That BITCH!" "

The November edition of the Untitled Daily Column Project has now been archived.

Hahahahahaha!  6-2 playoff-bound Detroit Lions end up at 7-9!  THERE'S The Detroit Lions we all know and love!  A nice 6-game losing streak in there, too!  And aside from a bullshit close game from Dallas (as mentioned on here 3 weeks ago) most of those losses were sheer blow-outs.   A lot of NFL "experts" aka "people who don't know jack shit about football", predicted this would be the Lions breakout year and they were playoff-bound, with all those high picks on the team.  Well as you know, they are the Lions and they will suck eventually, and unfortunately, 2 of those 7 Lion wins came at the Bears expense, and had the Bears actually won those games, they'd be at 9-7 & in the playoffs.  Incredible. 

Today in 'What The Fuck'.

Favre has to be on HGH.  He just has to be.  39 fucking years old, passes for 4,155 fucking yards and he leads Green Bay to a 13-3 record.  Yeah, I don't think so.  He's juicing.

And now, onto the Bears game.  Orton was pretty solid, and for what it's worth, I'd let Rex go and let Orton start next season.  A 33-25 score makes it look a lot closer than it was.  And of course, the New Orleans Saints went against their own logic by kicking to Devin Hester, and of course he ran back a punt for a 64-yard touchdown, and also got a 55-yard touchdown pass were the highlights in this game.  Something I had never seen before, or at least didn't remember, was when the Saints were on their own 4-yard line in the 4th quarter, and the play resulted in a holding penalty by the Saints, which pushed them back 10 yards, resulting in a safety that made it 33-17 Bears, and essentially, made the game a 3-score game and put the game away. 

The local buzz in the paper was "the Bears should lose this game so they have a lower pick & therefore won't have to waste money on a higher pick".  So it's come to this?  The NFL draft is now thorns and barbed wire?  I thought the whole point of the draft was to infuse the team with new, younger and better talent, not piss away all your draft picks.  The Bears current draft position, is anywhere from 9 to 15, where 6 teams had 7-9 records.  Had the Bears lost that game, they would have been the only 6-10 team and snapped the #8 pick.
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