Title: It's Got to Be You
Author: Jennifer
Fandom: Once a Thief
Pairing: Vic/Mac
Rating: err...R?
Archive:  If anyone wants this and it's prequel, just holler.
Feedback: yes, it helps me sleep. gemvir@execulink.com
Sequel to "Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone" (OAT/XF), but it works alone. If
you missed it, ask and you shall receive. 
Disclaimers: Not mine. If I only owned Alliance...
Notes: Thanks again to Amy and Nicole for the awesome beta job. 


It’s Got to Be You

I could kill myself. No, I *should* kill myself. Or better yet, I’ll have
Mac pull the trigger himself. I can’t believe I cheated on Mac with a
complete stranger in an alley. I feel as dirty as that alley was. How am I
going to explain it to Mac when I don’t even know why I did it? I must’ve
been out of my mind. I forced my hand down the guy’s pants, for Christ’s
sake!

Face it, Victor. You screwed up. Big time. I should just leave this
apartment and never come back. But there are two problems with that idea.
One, I work for a secret government agency that could track me down past
the far reaches of Antarctica. And two, Mac also works for that     
government agency so I’d have to explain both the cheating *and* my sudden
disappearance. And...did I say there were three things? Well, I love Mac.
Pure and simple. I can’t leave the only man I’ve ever truly loved, yet I
don’t know if I can face him when he walks through that door.

6:45 PM. Mac’s plane arrives in about an hour. That gives me about two
hours to straighten myself out. I’ve been wearing the same outfit for days
now.  I smell and look as rotten as I feel. Sweat and shame makes a lovely
fragrance. I should call Calvin Klein with the recipe. I could make
millions. 

I stagger off the couch and into the bathroom. A nice hot shower will clean
off the day old--or is week old?--sweat clinging to my body. I can’t
remember the last time I bothered with washing. I called the Director the
morning after the *incident* and informed her I was taking some time off.
She didn’t like that very much, especially with Mac away, but I told her to
deal with it. I can handle the wrath of the Director. It’s the pain in
Mac’s eyes that I won’t be able to take. 

It’s funny how my body has dealt with my lack of interest. I’ve tried
masturbating to thoughts of Mac, but my cock lies limp. It’s like I’m being
punished by my own body. The same body that reacted so strongly to the
stranger’s touch six days ago. Or is my body as ashamed as I am? 

As I drown out these thoughts under the hot spray of the shower, I try
touching myself again. My cock jumps a little at my soft but steady
strokes, but remains limp.  I give up. I don’t need any more heartache. I
quickly finish my shower, shave, and walk naked into my--our--bedroom. I
put on a faded pair of jeans and Mac’s favourite green shirt of mine. So
much for meeting him in the nude. Now comes the hard part--more waiting.
What to do? Well, I’m already pacing. I could keep walking out the front
door. But I owe Mac an explanation. If he throws me out, then so be it.
God. I’m so stupid! It’ll be tough, but what else should I expect for
cheating on him?

***An hour later***

“Vic! I’m home. Where are you?”

“In the bedroom.” Mac’s face immediately comes to mind when I hear his
adorable voice. His smile can easily outshine any light in a room
especially when he’s aroused. I can hear Mac talking as he walks through
the apartment. 

“...believe the traffic. And the plane! I was sitting next to this grandma
who had her whole collection of family photos with her. She just *had* to
show me twenty shots of her newest grandkid. I swear if I wasn’t so nice, I
would’ve swatted her with my in-flight magazine!”

When Mac appears at the door, I literally pounce. You know the saying
‘treat each day like it’s your last?’ Today feels like death row came
a-knocking. I’m scared, but hopeful. Maybe I’ll be granted a pardon. 

“Welcome home, baby. I missed you so much. How was Vancouver?” I kiss my
way up Mac’s neck to devour his mouth. I don’t stop until breathing becomes
a necessity. 

“Ohh...I should go away more often. That was yummy. Do that again.”  We
kiss and grope our way to the bed. Mac pushes me down as he nibbles  at my
earlobe. I groan when his hand rubs at my crotch. Then he stops and looks
at me. I realize I’m not hard. I give a slight shrug of my shoulders and
smile sheepishly. Mac knows something is wrong. I watch as his eyes soften
in concern. 

“Vic, what’s wrong?” 

“Mac, I...umm..sit down. Something happened last week....” I take a couple
quick breaths, preparing myself for the confession of a lifetime. 

He practically collapses on the bed. “What? To who? Is Li Ann all right?” 

“She’s fine. Everyone’s fine. Well, except me.” Mac sits there searching my
face for any signs of bruised or broken body parts. 

“You look okay. In fact, I’d say you’re gorgeous...”  He reaches to pull me
into another kiss. I put my hand up to push him away.

“Mac, please...stop. This isn’t easy. While you were away, I, err...was
caught in a rather, umm... interesting situation.” Here goes everything. 
“While walking downtown, I was attacked by a man, who thought I was someone
else.”

I put my hand up again to stop Mac from protesting. “Wait...please. He
pulled me into an alley and...umm...we had...sex. Oh Mac, I’m so sorry.” I
jump off the bed, and head straight for the door.

“Vic!” Mac grabs my arm and spins me around. “Did he rape you? Are you
hurt? Did you report it? Why the hell didn’t you kick his ass?” The string
of questions floods my brain and I shake my head furiously to get rid of
them...and to shut Mac up. 

“No, no, no Mac. We had sex...consentual sex. I didn’t fight him...oh god.”
The realization and hurt in Mac’s eyes is more than I can handle. He is
also pissed. My heart is racing as I sit quietly waiting for Mac to say
something--anything. 

“What the fuck were you thinking? Do I mean *nothing* to you? Have these
past three months been a joke to you, huh Victor?” Mac’s shoulders sag in
disappointment. “Is that why you’re not hard now? You’re thinking of being
with him and not me?” Mac’s voice cracks. If Mac could look into my eyes,
he would see the regret and love I feel right now. But instead, his gaze
drifts somewhere to the left of my leg. 

“Mac, I’m *so* incredibly sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It felt
right at the time, but now...”

“Felt *right*? How does fucking a stranger in an alley feel right? You’re
an asshole and I don’t want you near me. Get out!” 

Okay that hurt.

“Mac, please...” Instead of answering my plea, Mac turns away. Without
another word,  I grab a pillow for my night on the couch. As I leave, my
body is shaking uncontrollably and a light sob escapes from my trembling
lips. I wince when Mac slams the door behind me. The worst noise though is
the unmistakable click of the lock that follows.

***Next morning***

I hear the shower running a little after 7 am. I groan as I lift my cramped
body off the couch. I rub my eyes and the back of my hands are damp. I
wonder how red my eyes are. I stretch then head to the kitchen to make some
coffee. I figure we’ll need it, if my lack of sleep gives any indication.
The shower stops and so does my breath for a moment. I’m not sure what Mac
will do or say, if he says or does anything at all. 

We meet in the living room. Mac has put on his bathrobe, which shocks me a
little. We have always walked around nude. I lower my eyes, afraid to meet
his glare. 

“Morning,” I mumble. Mac just grunts and I follow him into the bedroom. 

“Mac? Can we please talk about this?”

“What’s to talk about?” Mac slams the drawer he’s rooting through. “You
obviously don’t give two shits about me or our relationship.”

“God, Mac. That’s so far from the truth. I’ve been beating myself up over
this! I haven’t gone into work. I barely moved from the couch. I’ve been
crazy with guilt!” 

“And...what Vic? You expect me to just forgive you? I can’t do that. Not
now...”

“Not ever?” I ask meekly. I think I see  a glimmer of hope in his eyes. He
shakes his head.

“I don’t know, Vic. I just don’t know.” He sighs heavily and sits on the
edge of the bed.  “I care for you very much and it hurts to hear that you
did this. On the plane, I was thinking of how happy we’ve been lately. Not
fighting each other with our fists or our egos, but just having a real good
time with each other. In bed or otherwise.” He grins  at that. I’m sure he
conjured up some wild night we had recently. I certainly did. 

I kneel in front of Mac, and place my hands on his knees. He flinches at
the contact. I rub his thighs in gentle circles. I fight to keep his gaze. 

“Mac, I know nothing I say can erase what I did. I regret every minute of
it. I can only hope that we can somehow work past this. I care for you
deeply and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep our relationship as
open and loving as it can be. If that means leaving this
apartment---leaving you--then I can accept that.” I lower my head. I’m
afraid to hear my death sentence. 

“Don’t leave.” It comes out less than a whisper. I jerk my head up. “Don’t
leave. Please, Vic.” He rubs my cheek and bends down to give me a quick
kiss on the nose. That is heaven to me. 

“I won’t forget this, Victor. But I’m willing to work on it...on us. I love
you too much to let you go. I...”

I shush him with one fingertip to his lips. “I love you too, Mac.” I smile.


“What?”

“Do you realize that this is the first time we’ve said ‘I love you’ to each
other? I think that calls for a special celebration, don’t you?” Before Mac
could answer, I lean over to place a brutal yet tender kiss on his lips. To
further my point, I move my hand into the fold of his bathrobe and squeeze
the unrestricted member inside. It hardens in response. 

“What do you say, partner?” As a response I get a mouthful of Mac’s probing
tongue as he pulls me onto the bed with him.  All my pent-up worry and fear
becomes one strong bolt of passion as my cock hardens and presses into
Mac’s thigh. 

“There’s the little guy I’ve waiting for.”

“Hey, who you calling little?” I bite his exposed nipple and pout at Mac.

He chuckles. “I only call them as I see them, babe. But I love you anyway.”


“I just adore your cruel sense of humour. Can you tease me some more?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” 


The End