*ThInGs To dO DuRiNg A BoRiNg MoViE*
1. Wear a top hat.
2. Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"
3. Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.
4. Clap when the good guy gets killed.
5. Make a noise like your passing gas and go, "Ahhh..."
6. Starting wheezing and ask the person next to you if you can have someJuicy Fruits for you asthma.
7. During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"
8. Whenever the badguy is doing something devoius, say, "Watch out!"
9. Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
10. Tell the man selling popcorn that the girls bathroom is flooding.
11. Yell out what is going to happen.
12. Tell the man next to you that you have diarrheaand wink whilesmiling.
13. Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcornyell, "I'm Batman!Hahaha!" and run away.
14. Yell, "Fire!" and moon the people coming through the exit.
15. Say that they cannot sit next to you because your invisible friendalready is.
16. Yell outloud, "Stop molesting me!"
ummm...somthing else...i thought these were funny
Sex is when a guys communication
enters a girls information
to increase the population
for a younger generation
do you get the information...
or do you need a demonstration
Guys are like parking spots...
the good ones are always taken...
and the ones that are available,
are either handicapped or too far away!!
Mental breakdowns,
Menstrual cramps,
Menopause...
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with MEN
*3 Old Ladies*
3 Old Sisters
Three old sisters...
92, 94, and 96 years old.
All lived together. One day
the oldest drew a bath.
She put one foot into the water
, paused, then called
downstairs to her sisters,
"am I getting in the tub
or out of the tub?"
The middle sister started
up the stairs to help,
then paused, and
called back downstairs,
"Was I going up or coming down?"
The youngest sister, who
was sitting at the kitchen
table having tea, said,
"I guess I'll have to help. I
hope I never get that forgetful!"
and knocked on wood.
She got up, then paused
and called, "I'll come up as
soon as I see who's at the door
*9 Things I Hate About Everyone *
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know
where my watch is pal, where is yours? Do I point at my crotch when
I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for
the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel
manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn straight! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why on earth would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do
this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I
paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the frikking floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a
choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it?
If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an
improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn
thing anyone ever frikken does!!
What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come
yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here??
*19 things too do in a bathroom Stall*
Ways to annoy your Public Bathroom Stallmate
1.Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May
>I borrow a highlighter?"
2.Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a
>bodily function noise
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!!"
6. Say "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe
>into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
>8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
>9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
>10. Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the
>stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa! Easy boy!!"
>11. Say," Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
>12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peaunt butter on a wad of toliet
>paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops,
>could you kick that back over here, pleas! eh?
>** 13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!
>14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
>15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I
>gonna do?"
>16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
>** 17. Before you unroll toliet paper, conspicusly lay down your
>"Cross-Dressors Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visiable to the adjacent
>stall.
>18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can
>see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
>19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free
*Blonde Jokes*
1.A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
2.Q:What do you call a blond that dies her hair?
A:Artificial Intelligence
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What does a blonde and a screen door have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets!
3.Three excited blondes walk into a bar. They ask for the best seats in the house and for the finest bottle of wine. While they were waiting for the wine, they keep reapeting '51 days, all right!' and exchanging high fives. After awhile, when they are picking up the check the waiter comes up to them. 'Not to seem rude,' the waiter says,' but what are you ladies celebrating?' They all look at him and say 'Well, we put together a puzzle in 51 days and the label said 3 to 5 years.'
