BATS PG-13
Starring Dina Meyer, Lou diamond Phillips, and Leon
What we thought from the previews:
Looking like direct to video fare that somehow weasled its way into theatres, this B-movie is about, well, bats that attack people.
The Reviews:
Eric says: ***1/2 (3 1/2)
Gallup, Texas has a little problem on its hands. You see, a few hundred thousand genetically altered bats have moved in, led by a particular duo of paternal bats that oversee the project. They are now omnivores, yet we only ever see them eat meat. Oh well. And then there's Gallup's other main problem: a dirt stupid populace. These people apparently wouldn't know a killer bat if it hit them over the head with a..., well,...bat. Repeatedly. While shouting, "Hey, I'm a killer bat, come to kill you and your family!" Luckilly, they have a good ol' boy Filipino sheriff Emmett Kinsey played like a joke by Lou Diamond Phillips. He struts, thumb firmly hitched in belt loop, every chance he gets. Of course, the Sheriff needs a female bat expert to tow along, so that there can be some chemistry in the heat of the inevitable bat-slaughtering moments. Dina Meyer looks more like Lara Croft, Tomb Raider than a scientist, but she has been conviently whisked away having a chance only to wear the short cargo shorts and tank top that she had on. But, of course, she has a comic relief sidekick, Jimmy. He, of course, doesn't like bats. The cavalcade of cliched characters continue to roll in and out while the bats do their thing.
Oh, those bats. A combination of computer-generated and live prop bats are used throughout. I, personally, prefer the rubberized puppets that resemble Gremlins with wings; snarling the teeth in their ugly little gargoyle-like heads. At least they're better looking than the cheap toy bats that were used in "From Dusk Til Dawn II, Texas Blood Money". Now those were laughable.
Speaking of laughable, Bats has its moments, intentional and otherwise. That is actually why I gave it as many stars (yes, I know they're actually asteriskes) as I did. After all was said and done, it was fun in an o.k. way. Well, I know I liked it at least more than the gentleman one row down from me on the left whose snoring was audible for the second half. Apparently, he really thinks that it has the potential to be a real sleeper hit!
David says: ********** (4/10)
Bats tries to be a small brainer movie 'bout people getting eaten, and in that, it succeeds. It follows the standard Hollywood script, standard slew of charaters (Mr Sarcastic, Mr. Evil Scientist, Mr. Sickening Good Dude who gets killed saving someone else...), which results in very few surprises ( I predicted the last 2 minutes of the final scene exactly, but not the last 2 seconds...). I was wondering at times if I was watching Bats, Jurassic Park, Deep Blue Sea, or what!
A couple of annoying things :
That first guy to be eaten - he sounds more Irish than Texan!
The townspeople come in 3 flavors : 1) "Oh look - a bunch of hungry bats are attacking us - I'll run around in a most stupid manner instead of finding shelter.."; 2) "Huh - I wonder what all those people outside / across the kitchen counter / whatever are running around screamin' for. Maybe I'll find out after I finish my dinner..." 3) " AAAAAAAH! I'm being eaten alive here! My left hand has disappeared down that bat's throat! I could probably squish it if I bashed it really hard with my other arm, or if I rolled over on it, or swung my (remnents of ) left arm hard, but then I'd get bat guts on me, so maybe I'll try to scare them off by screaming real load. huh - that didn't work...."
The scientists excuse for what he did "I'm a scientist. Scientists make things better." Huh? Newton didn't improve gravity or light - he described them. Einstein didn't improve the space-time continuum - he created the equations to explain it. COME ON, HOLLYWOOD!
Bats being improved by a virus?! What kind of virus is this?! I suppose if the virus contains the appropriate genetic code to be inserted at the proper point in the DNA sequence, the described changes could maybe possibly be passed on to offspring. Has anyone actually fully mapped the Chiropteran genome yet?
Military action - at first I thought, Oh come on?! Then I remembered that we manged to piss off the Chinese by bombing their embassy 'cause no one had bought a current map, so maybe their actions are in fact the most realistic portion of the movie.
Awfully dramatic score! Someone was OD'ing on drama when, say, the helicopter appeared. It's a whirly-bird, it's bringing somone to talk to them, get over it!
However, if you can turn off the brain for a spell, it's a not too intelligence-insulting, not incredibly bad movie with lots of sences of people being chomped on.