Action
Cast
Kim Basinger, Chris Evans, William H. Macy, Jason Statham
Director
David R. Ellis
Release Date
September 10, 2004
Rating
PG-13
My Rating
F-
The movie starts out with Kim Basinger walking her kid to the bus. The only reason I start with this is to say that the kid had a Lord of the Rings backpack on and I love Lord of the Rings. So then she goes back to her house, talks to her housekeeper, watches some guys smash her back door open, shoot her housekeeper, and then she gets kidnapped. She doesn't know why she's being kidnapped, but she is all the same. When in her new containment area, they show a phone on the wall. Then they show her kidnapper take a sledgehammer to the phone. But because she is a biology teacher and has a background in science, she knows exactly how to call from a completely smashed phone. Anybody else think this is stupid? Because I definitely did. But it gets worse. She ends up calling a guy on his cell phone, who, I might add, is very hot. He is also very irresponsible, just ask his ex-girlfriend. At first he doesn't believe her, then he does, so then he drives to the police department. The guy that talks to him is a cop that's going to retire soon to start a day spa, as he says so many times in the movie. So then Kim Basinger realizes that the bad guys are going after her son, so hot guy rushes to the kid's school. When he's there, he asks what the kid's name is and Kim says, "Ricki...Ricki Martin." And the hot guy says, "Why would you name your kid Ricki Martin." That was probably the best part in the entire movie. Sorry if that spoils it for anyone. The bad guys get the kid and so hot guy steals the security car from the school, which happens to have a gun in it. Then his cell phone battery starts to die, so he rushes to the cell phone store, where no one will help him, so he runs back to the car, grabs the gun and holds up the store. He ends up overpaying for the charger, as a news broadcast says later on. Then, while he's driving, yet again, the call gets interrupted by this lawyer's call. So what does hot guy do? He holds the lawyer at gunpoint and asks for the cell phone and the car. The lawyer was the other funniest thing in the whole movie. Well, I'm not going to go into anymore of the plot because that's all there is to it. Absolutely nothing.
Cellular was such a bad movie. We made fun of it the whole time. There was this one cool part where Kim Basinger takes a piece of glass and slices this guy's vein in his arm. So look for that part in the movie because it was hilarious. But that was about it. Oh, and I liked William H. Macy. And I definitely liked hot guy, a.k.a. Chris Evans. But avoid seeing this movie at all costs, unless you want a good laugh. Or skip the movie and go straight to Wal-Mart to buy cookie dough and circus peanuts like we did. It's great fun. Oh, and the tagline for the movie was "If the signal dies, so does she." Hilarious stuff. Anyway, I'm done now, and I'm going to go eat some cookie dough.
