Gina: We spend hours making ourselves look completely different, and then we go into some dark place where we really can't see each other anyway, and then we drink so we don't know if the other person is really interesting or just seems interesting cause they're pretending to be interested in the person that we're pretending to be.
Tom: Uh right. So I guess there's no getting around to it. We're gonna have to lie to each other.

Susie: So the rat returns to his hole huh?
Tom: Do we know each other?
Susie: I wasn't that drunk!

Gina: That was incredible. I thought we were going to get killed.
Tom: Well, the night is still young.

Tom: I think he wants to kill us.
Gina: With what? MSG?

James Lew: Ben, Jerry why don't you guys go get some ice cream, ok?

Tom: Well, fine. Well then I'll just go over there and say, "Hi, I'm Tom and you don't know me, but I've been spying on you for a couple of months now and I am finding you very attractive in a very real, very hormonal way." And then she'll slap me silly.
Craig: There are worse things in this world than getting slapped by a beautiful woman, you'll see.

Craig: Alright, now the only problem with glasses is that they tend to fly off when a woman slaps you. Just don't flinch, you take it like a man, come off it smiling.

Tom: Isn't that illegal?
Craig: Tom, never let the law stand in the way of a good time.