Mrs. Doubtfire: My first day as a woman and I am already having hot flashes.

Daniel: This guy used to put me to sleep when I was a kid. They should have a disclaimer that says "Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery While Watching This Show". Amazing. He has the warmth of a snow peak. He makes Mister Rogers look like Mick Jagger.

Daniel: Not working. Need to grow older.
Frank: Older? You mean like Shelley Winters older or Shirley MacLaine older?
Daniel: What's the difference?
Frank: Some Scotch tape and red hair dye.

Miranda: Mrs. Doubtfire!
Mrs. Doubtfire: What?
Miranda: You're going into the men's room.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Huh? Oh, so I am. I do need new glasses.

Daniel: How about we take a vacation, take the kids, get you away from work, you'll see that you're a different person. You are. You're great.
Miranda: But our problems would be waiting for us when we got back.
Daniel: Well we'll move, and hopefully our problems won't follow us.
Miranda: Daniel, please don't joke. We're far apart. We're different. We have nothing in common.
Daniel: Sure we do. We love each other. ...We love each other. ...Don't we?
Miranda: I want a divorce.

Daniel: Could you make me a woman?
Frank: Honey I'm so happy!!

Mrs. Doubtfire: It was a run-by fruiting!

Lydia: Who did this to you?
Daniel: Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack.