Marriage Counselor: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane: 8.
John: Wait. Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage Counselor: Just respond instinctively.
John: Ok. Ready?
Jane and John: 8.

Jane: That's good.
John: I hope so. I had to milk a goat to get it.

John: I'm getting married.
Eddie: What? I can't hear ya.

Jane: Any last words?
John: The new curtains are hideous.

Attendant: Champagne sir?
John: No champagne's for celebrating. I'll have a martini.

John: *after Jane escapes on a high wire* Chicken shit!
Jane: Pussy!

Jane: So what do you want John?
John: We have an unusual problem, Jane. You obviously want me dead.
Jane: Hmmm.
John: And I'm less and less concerned of your well being. So hwat do we do? Do we shoot it out here? Hope for the best?
Jane: Well, that would be a shame, because they would probably ask me to leave once you're dead.

John: Dance with me.
Jane: You don't dance.
John: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
Jane: Was sloth your cover too?

John: I thought you looked like christmas morning.

Jane: Who's your daddy now?

John: How many? Ok... I'll go first, then. I don't keep exact count, but I'd say, uh, high 50s, low 60s. I mean, I know I've been around the block an all, but...
Jane: 312.
John: What? How?
Jane: Some were two at a time.

Jane: What's her name and social security number?
John: No, you're not going to kill her.

Jane: My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
John: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
Jane: Paid actor.
John: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!