Ruby: Fix your hair. You look like a damn cockatoo.

Ruby: *fighting with Viola* I think you dislocated my vagina.

Charlie: You must be present for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, school play, clarinet recital, and soccer game in our kids' lives. I want you to love them, and spoil them and teach them things that Kevin and I can't. Like how to throw a right hook for example. I want you there, Viola. I do, up front and center. From this point I will not negotiate.
Ruby: Damn, that girl can give a nice little speech!

Viola: I cannot believe she compared me to Gertrude!
Ruby: I know. Now that's just wrong.
Viola: Thank You.
Ruby: You are far worse. I don't recall Gertrude ever trying to poison you. And I'm pretty sure she wore black to your wedding.
Viola: Black. Yeah, she said she was in mourning. I just want my son to be happy.
Ruby: Whatever made you think he wasn't?

Charlie: What color are my eyes? *turns around*
Kevin: Well, at first glance your eyes are brown. But when the light hits them, they change to amber. And if you look really close around the iris, the color is pure honey. But when you look into the sun, they almost look green. That's my favorite.