Claire: You know what I like best about Christmas? The surprises. I mean you get this box, and you’re sure you know what’s inside of it. You know, you shake it, you wait, you’re totally convinced you got it pegged. No doubt in your mind. Then you open it up and it’s completely different. You know, woo, bang, surprise, I mean it’s kind of like you know you and me here, and I’m not saying it’s anything it’s not, it’s. Come on this time yesterday you would have liked it.

Todd: Oh I’m just licking my dick. You?

Todd: What do you want for Christmas Claire?
Claire: I don’t know.
Todd: Do you want to get laid?
Claire: No.
Todd: No you don’t want to get laid? Or no you do want to get laid, but you don’t want to get laid with me?

Todd: I’m the last f---ing person you should expecting a favor from.

Tiny: Color is the state of mind.

Kid: What are you doing?
Simon: Raping small children.

(The one chick is stuffing her nose with tissue)
Girl: Otherwise I can’t hold it in.

Claire: Gay men are so hot. It’s tragic.