Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs, WE-ALL-FALL!

Matthew: I just feel so weird...
Danielle: Shh. Relax. Ecstasy is not that bad.
Matthew: What?
Danielle: Kelly likes dosing people with E.
Matthew: Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?

Kelly: Let me tell you, Matt, you got some incredible talent here. If I could get these kids, like, humping in the library or at a football game - WOW! Now that shit would sell. I don't know where I get my ideas from, you know, it's like a gift or something. It's like I can't control it.

Danielle: What's the craziest thing you've done lately?

Kelly: If I'm gonna do this payment plan thing, I need a show of good faith, you know, something concrete.
Matthew: Well, like what?
Kelly: A blow job.
Matthew: Nah, I told you. She's not gonna do that anymore.
Kelly: Who said anything about her? Yeah. We're definitely outside the box now, huh? Now you gotta ask yourself, how far are you willing to go, hmm? How much do you really care about her? *Kelly unzips his pants, then starts laughing* I'm joking, man! Relax. Damn! Do I look gay to you?

Kelly: You wanna be president? Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl unless you're ready to accept the consequences.

Matthew: Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.

Danielle: Thank you.
Matthew: For what?
Danielle: I never went to prom.

April to Klitz: I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.

Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her. Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

Eli: Dude!
Matthew: I know.
Klitz: Dude!
Matthew: I know.

Mrs. Kidman: Eli, do those girls go to your school?
Eli: Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.
*they laugh like it's a joke*

Matthew: Matthew Kidman. I will always remember... The three legs of the tripod. My business partner. My student advisor. The next Einstein. Eli's calling card. Klitz's big debut. My own scholarship to Georgetown. And of course, I'll never forget the girl next door. As for me, I'm just going with it.