Brad: We will lift their souls, while we lighten their wallets.

Caroline: *about Euro Alcatraz* Vacation in the big house.

Caroline: Don't you get it? I gave it up to help you.
Brad: Oh please. You gave it up because you're afraid you might actually have to finish something.
Caroline: I'm tired.
Brad: Then go to bed.
Caroline: No. Of this.

Brad: If you want out, just say the word.
Caroline: Out.

Caroline: I can do ugly. I've done you for the last ten years.

Frank: Do no pass go. Do not collect $200.

Inspecter Lester: This is where the fun begins.

Brad: *learning how much he owes* $5 million!

Caroline: What are you doing driving a cab?
Brad: I thought we could use the extra money.

Caroline: Good morning, corn child.

Inspecter Lester to Phil: You don't know how right you are, Mr. Fancy desk.

Caroline: I'm domestically challenged.

Inspecter Lester: Don't be discouraged son. It took years of government service before my mind started working this way.

Phil: *upon seeing Brad for the first time since he left New York* Mr. Lincoln.

*The Yoders knew they weren't the cousins*
Brad: Why didn't you say anything?
Samuel: Planting season.