Vinny: What's a matter with you?
Lisa: I don't know...
Vinny: You're actin' like you're nervous or somethin'.
Lisa: Well, yeah, I am.
Vinny: What are ya nervous about, I'm the one that's under the gun here...trial starts tomorrow.
Lisa: You wanna know what I'm nervous about? I'll tell ya what I'm nervous about. I am in the dark here with all of this legal crap...I have no idea what's goin' on. Alls I know is you're screwin' up and I can't help.
Vinny: Ya lent me your little camera, didn't ya?
Lisa: Oh, Vinny, I'm watchin' you go down in flames and you're bringin' me with you, and I can't do anything about it.
Vinny: And?
Lisa: Well, I hate to bring it up because I know you got enough pressure on you already, but, we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case, meanwhile, 10 years later, my niece, the daughter of my sister, is gettin' married. My biological clock is tickin' like this, and the way this case is goin', I ain't never gettin' married!
Vinny: Lisa, I don't need this. I swear to God, I do not need this right now, kay? I got a judge that's just achin' to throw me in jail, an idiot who wants to fight me for two-hundred dollars, slaughtered pigs, giant loud whistles...I ain't slept in five days, I got no money, a dress code problem, and, a little murder case, which, in the balance, holds the lives of two innocent kids...not to mention, YOUR biological clock, my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on!?! Is there anymore shit we could pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?!?!...Is it possible?
Lisa:...maybe it was a bad time to bring it up.

Vinny: Do You remember what you had?
Southerner: Eggs and Grits.
Vinny: Eggs and Grits, I like grits too. how do you cook your grits, do you like them regular, creamy, or al dente?
Southerner: Just regular I guess.
Vinny: Regular, Instant grits?
Southerner: No self-respecting southerner uses instant grits, I take pride in my grits.

Vinny: I object to this witness being called at this time. We've been given no prior notice he'd testify. No discovery of any tests he's conducted or reports he's prepared. And as the court is aware, the defense is entitled to advance notice of any witness who will testify, particularly those who will give scientific evidence, so that we may properly prepare for cross-examination, as well as give the defense an opportunity to have the witness's reports reviewed by a defense expert, who might then be in a position to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.
Judge Haller: Mr. Gambini?
Vinny: Yes sir?
Judge Haller: That is a lucid, intelligent, well-thought out objection.
Vinny: Thank you, your honor.
Judge Haller: Overruled.

Vinny: I'm here to collect.
J.T.: How 'bout I just kick your ass.
Vinny: Oh a counter offer. That's what we lawyers, I'm a lawyer... we call that a counter offer. This is a tough decision you give me here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be perfectly honest with you... no I think I'll just go with the two hundred.
J.T.: Over my dead body.
Vinny: You like to renegotiate as you go along. Well here's my counter offer... do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you?
J.T.: In your dreams.
Vinny: Oh no no... in reality. If I kick the shit out of you, do I get the money?

Lisa: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear water - BAM! A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?!

Lisa: You think I'm hostile now? Wait 'til you see me tonight.

Vinny: What are you wearing?
Lisa: What?
Vinny: You look like a fuckin' tourist.
Lisa: What about you?
Vinny: I fit in better than you. At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.
Lisa: Oh yeah, you blend.

Judge Haller: The next words out of your mouth better be guilty or not guilty. I don't want to hear commentary, argument, or opinion. If I hear anything other than guilty or not guilty, you'll be in contempt. I don't even want to hear you clear your throat. Now how do your clients plead?
Vinny: I think I get the point.
Judge Haller: No, I don't think you do.