Austin: Oh behave.

Austin: Yeah baby, yeah.

Dr. Evil: Scott, you don't just get it do you?

Austin: Not a good time to loose one's head.

Dr. Evil: Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy...the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess in the insane lament. My childhood was typical...summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds...pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum...it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Frau Farbissina: Remember when we froze your semen? You said if it didn't look like you were coming back we should try to make you a son so a part of you could live forever.
Dr. Evil: Oh sure.
Frau Farbissina: Well after a couple of years we got a little impatient. Dr. Evil, I want you to meet your son.
Dr. Evil: My son?
Frau Farbissina: Yeah. SCOTT!!!
Dr. Evil: Uhhhh...Hello Scott.
Scott:Hi.
Dr. Evil: I'm your father, Dr. Evil.
Scott: I haven't seen you my whole life and now you come back and just expect a relationship. Phhh, I hate you...What?
Dr. Evil: Could I have a hug?
Scott: No.
Dr. Evil: Give me a hug.
Scott: No way.
Dr. Evil: Come here.
Scott: I'm not coming over there.
Dr. Evil: Let's go.
Scott: Forget it.
Dr. Evil: Pronto.
Scott: What are you doing?
Dr. Evil: I'm with it. I'm hip. Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka, Tucka...Huhhhhh. Well don't look at me like I'm freakin Frankenstein, give your father a hug.
Scott: Your, hey...
Dr. Evil: Hug, Hug...
Scott: Don't touch me...
Dr. Evil: Hug, Hug...
Scott: Get away from me you lazy eyed psycho.

Dr. Evil: Dr. Evil. I didn't spend six years in evil medical school to be called Mr., thank you very much.

Dr. Evil: Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the worlds deadliest assassins. And yet each of you has failed to kill Austin powers. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil get angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset...people DIE!!! Why must I be surrounded by freakin idiots. Mustafa, Frau Farbissina, I spared your lives because I need you to help me rid the world of Britain's top secret agent, the only man who can stop me now. We must kill Austin Powers.

Commander Gilmour: Good God! He's back!
Radar Man: Well, in many ways, the Big Boy never left, sir. He's always offered the same high-quality meals at competitive prices.

Austin: When you see this jet a rockin, don't come a knockin, baby. Yeah!

Austin: I won't bite...hard.

Austin: Hey there you are!
Guy in casino: Well, Hi. Do I know you?
Austin: No, but that's where you are. You're there.

Austin: Allow myself to introduce - myself. Richy Cunningham, and this is my wife Oprah.

Alotta Fagina: How dare you break wind before me.
Austin: I'm sorry baby. I didn't know it was your turn.

Scott: I don't know I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott: No. Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott: You always do that!

Dr. Evil: Scott, Scott my boy, how are you? How was your day?
Scott: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town right and they don't speak English there so Jay got into a fight and he's all, hey quit hassling me cause I don't speak French or whatever. And then the guy says something in Paris talk and I'm like just back off and there all get out and we're like make me. It was cool.

Dr. Evil: Shh. Knock-Knock.
Scott: Who's there?
Dr. Evil: Shh.
Scott: Look...
Dr. Evil: Shh. Let me tell you a little story about a man named shh. Shh. Even before you start that was a preemptive shh. Just know that I have a whole bag of shh with your name on it.

Dr. Evil: Come every one let us repair to the main chamber. Project Vulcan is about to begin. Scott, don't you want to see what daddy does for a living?
Scott: Blow me.
Dr. Evil: Excuse me?
Scott: Show me.
Dr. Evil: Ok.

Dr. Evil: I want chicken, I want liver, Meow mix, Meow mix please deliver.

Scott: Hey I can take my Sega, right dad?
AustinIt seems the tables have turned again Dr. Evil.
Dr. Evil: Not really, kill the little bastard, see what I care.
Scott: But dad we just had a breakthrough in group.
Dr. Evil: I had the group liquidated you little shit, they were insolent.
Scott: I hate you, I hate you. I wish I was never artificially created in the lab.
Dr. Evil: Oh Scott that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.