Ethan: So where'd you put your mittens?
Hallie: You really wanna know?
Ethan: Yeah, I really want to know.
Hallie: I sold them.
Ethan: Fine. I hope you got a good deal.

Ethan: Gosh. I'm in a street in New York arguing about reality witha 7-year-old.

Mr. O'Fallon: You're wearing my favorite color, in case you were wondering.
Mrs. O'Fallon: Black?

Ethan: He's a jolly fat guy, not a marriage counselor.

Ethan: Now look, Hallie, you can ask for toys, parrotkeets, hair care products, I don't care, but you cannot ask for anyuthing to do with interpersonal relationships! You got it? This is Santa Clause, not dear Abby.
Elf: Sucker?
Ethan: You're telling me.

Kevin: We saw you waitinf in line to see Santa.
Ethan: Oh. Oh yeah right, I'm here to see Santa Clause? *realizes he's holding the sucker and trys to give it to a kid* Hey, look I'm tired of holding this for you.
Kid: You're an elf, right?
Ethan: No, no, no, no. I'm not. Sorry.
Kid: Yes you are. Santa's elves pretend they're always not. That's the elf law.
Ethan: Look, kid, I'm a person. Not an Elf.
Kevin: Not only are you a spaz, you're an Elf?
Ethan: That's right. I'm an Elf. I'm the Elf-King.

Tony: Oh that chair's broken.
Ethan: Gee, Tony, that's very helpful. Thank you.

Ethan: Did someone make a tuna fish sandwich out of the Little Mermaid?

Pet shop owner: What would you like? A puppy dog? A goldfish?
Hallie: We want rodents.

Pet shop owner: Please don't tap the cage. That's a very tense hamster.

Lillian: We've got rats. You wouldn't know anything about Vermon, would you? *smiles at Tony*

Hallie: Did I saw Ethan was at Marshall's?
Mr. O'Fallon: Yeah, about six times, plus it's been on the news.

Ethan: Most ketchup marriages end in divorce.