am sorry I am drunk Please hit me. -his scribbled letter to Jimmy
Question to the delegate: Can I get a hell yeah?
Nick: Gimme some what? Bang? Fist?
Trav: Masterbate?
We aren't your clever whores.
Is this the part where she hits a rock and dies? Because, oh man, that would make this a good movie. -about a Disney movie's main character, 30 minutes into the movie
While y'all were down there having your circle jerk, I was busy humping your floor.
She can stab me with one [of her knives] if she wants, but in one of the unimportant body parts, like the ass.
I'm missing you like candy!
I'm not doing anything; that's the problem -about sex
If I had a superpower, it would be x-ray vision.-interjecting his opinion when George and I were talking about boys
Ellen: It's monks! Monks! Gregorian monks!
Trav: Are they sexy?
Fuckin' Bingo! B-I-N-J-O!
Audrey: What's another word for pandemonium?
Trav: Penis Missile?
Jimmy, the next time I need a whore, I'll go to someone more reliable.
Egyptians were all over the cat. They liked the pussy.
You're not a large black man, so you've never had my mom.
The only person I know from St. Louis is Nelly, so you're on your own. - about a Cardinals' catcher during a Trivial Pursuit game
What I gaveth, I can taketh away.
Christian supplies are expensive! It's like the Jesus markup.
She looks hot! -about the Church Lady on SNL
I am not your picture to be taken.
I'm gonna take a shower when I get home and wash the Dave off.
Sarah, he's not going to put out. -about a Mormon guy
Steven: What does pina colada mean?
Tiffany: Let's call Catherine Zeta-Jones and ask her. I have T-Mobile.
Trav: Do you have her number??
I was just thinking if want to pick up guys tonight, buttered cleavage might be helpful.
Apparently we're all on the bus to queerville.
Sarah, get yo face over here.
Do you wanna freaky dance?
I'll tell my wife to suck it. And she would do it. It'll be fun.
The softer side of Sears can suck it. Mwa haha. That was my evil crazy laugh in case you couldn't tell.
I was the worst seeing eye kid ever.
Then why do people complain about [the taste of seme]? Bring a little salt. -when someone said semen tastes like tomato