Lauren: Can you see Jesus doing jello shots?
Heidi: Yes! Well... maybe.
baptismdemhoodness -Nathan
Heidi: I get buzzed pretty easily.
Roland: Sweet! Cheap date!
Computer games are worse than crack. -Wade
You can make a music CD [with a blender] and tour Europe and pick up a lot of hotties. -Roland
Who is this Jesus? -Wade, on the necessity of Jesus Awareness Week
'Course you know, Mary looked like Britney Spears. -Nathan
He called us imperialist pigs. We were like, "That's what you trained us to do, sir." -Roland
You don't have time to hold your balls while you're playing Civ 3. -Wade
Nathan: Let's talk about Pootie Tang!
Roland: Why not!
-about how they can't relate to some of the topics on the listserve
I'll necessitate you. -Wade
I'm being forced to pour myself another drink. -Nathan, with the "tragic" hand to forehead motion
Christina Ricci. That's what Jesus would do. What? That was just synthesis! They said it first! I meant go from successful child star to successful adult star, like her. -Wade
Not to be a pervert, but I AM a high school teacher... -Charlier
...these girls are married or fianceed. -Raska
Wade: These people right here: the most enlightened people you'll ever meet.
Roland: ! <chokes on drink>
It's the first thing that was stuck in our face when we were born. -Mike, about men's fascination with breasts
[Sex is] not worth it when you're tired... of living. -Charlie
You have the right to say "no," and it's ruined EVERYTHING! -Wade, on gender equality
They told me I couldn't have cookies. I like cookies. They told me I couldn't have sex. I see the correlation. -Wade
You can't drink the children. -Nathan
It's like perfection, only iced. -Wade, about Koolees
Facism is like Calvinism; it's all right as long as you're with the "in" crowd. -Nathan
These grapes aren't good enough for boxed wine. -Wade
This has just gone from bad to questionable. -Nathan
Mike: My God, there he is.
Heidi: He's your God?
Wade: Yeah! Don't take my name in vain!
me: The Pope likes Harry Potter.
Lauren: All Catholic priests like little boys.
I wouldn't throw her out of bed for eating crackers. -Roland
Give up self-respect for Lent. I did it once. It was the greatest forty days of my life. -Wade
Wonderbras are tricky. I don't like them. -Roland
Roland (on whether or not he'd kiss a guy): To keep from certain death, maybe.
Wade: Sounds like a priority problem to me.
Mike: "Coitus" gets old after awhile.
Roland: Uh. Then you're not doing it right.
Bambi's mom got the gat. -Roland
Don't you mean tea-tacular? Teatastic is not a word, stupid. -Wade
He's so old, when he went to OU, the Union was called the Confederacy. -Wade
You know that's a lie. His anaconda will take any buns he can get. -Roland