(C) Copywritten 2001
Before I tell you my story, I'd like to introduce you to some of the other people I work with.� Obviously, there are the seven other pawns along with me.� There is Eddy, Freddy, myself, Buddy, Jack, Mack, Bill and Will.� People often see us as rather low and meaningless pieces, and in a way we really are.� We can only move in one direction, and apart from the head start we get on our first move, we can only move one square at a time.� Jack really hates that.� He's the kind of guy that wants to just dive into the battle right away, and he is always complaining that the action is always over before he gets there.
Our other big problem is that we have trouble with our vision.� Since we don't really have eyes at all, we have to sort of feel our way around the board.� That is why we are always capturing pieces on a diagonal.� One time, Buddy actually tried to capture a piece right in front of him, and we ended up losing the game on a technicality.� This is why we have decided to just stick to capturing pieces that we can only see out of the corner of our heads.
At any rate, I am sure you are interested in meeting the other members of the team.� First, let me introduce you to a pair of fellows that are far more straightforward, I'm sure, than any other characters that you have met in your entire life.� Of course, I'm referring to the two rooks.� Now, what you have to understand about Sam and Dan is that they are dedicated to the game alone.� You would never catch them at any of the after game parties.� Oh no, these are the guys you would find after a hard day in the board up in their rooms studying and trying to figure out how we could have done better.� They are a very ordered pair.� They always walk in straight lines, and they only capture pieces that they have a clear line of sight with.� One time, Bill got in the way of Dan as he was trying to capture one of the enemy's pieces. You should have heard the lecture that Bill got after that.� Whoa!� If Bill had eyes, they would have been just streaming with tears.
Now I don't mean to talk harsh about Dan and Sam.� Let us not forget that they are very valuable members of the team.� In fact, without them, the famous "Castle" move would not even be possible.� While they do get on my nerves, it is always comforting to know that they are in our corners, waiting for the time to be right for them to leap into the fray.
Next to the rooks there are the knights, or "horsemen", as we like to call them.� While they do bear the names of chivalrous warriors, these guys really are the lowest members on the team as far as conduct is concerned.� I couldn't tell you the number of times the rooks have complained about having to always stand right next to Luke and Duke.
A lot of the other pawns seem to get along fine with Luke.� He's always at the parties, and he often brings his own homemade booze.� Although, by the time he and Freddy and Buddy get done with it, they are usually up on the tables trying to do the Can-Can, (which is really kind of difficult for a chess piece to do if you think about it.)� Duke is another story however.� He is always pushing his way past the others when he moves.� He never asks us to pass; he will just push us aside as he makes his rather awkward moves around the playing field.� Sam once told me that it's a result of the knight's inner desire to always get ahead of everyone else.� Personally, I think he just enjoys Luke's sauce too much.�
Now for the pair of pieces that every pawn looks up to: the bishops.� When a pawn sees Jon or Ron out there, sliding diagonally as far as they please, it just makes us so jealous.� Mack once tried to glue a knob o his head and carve a frown into his face so that he could pass as a bishop.� Luke that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen since Sam and Dan accidentally crashed into each other thinking it was both their move.
While Ron and Jon both are very quick characters, they spend too much time, in my opinion, hanging around the queen trying to impress her.� Ron was thinking of proposing to her at one point.� However, Cecil, the king, found out about it and quickly put an end to that and bishops alike, desire to be close to her.� Trouble is, she is hard to keep up with.� She moves quickly wherever she pleases, and quite often has command of the board.� I think it is safe to say that any one of us would be willing to be captured just to see to it that she would go unharmed.� She sometimes has a hard time getting started though, since we are usually all huddled around her.� She also has to make sure that before every game her shoes match her dress.� Victoria really is a lovely lady.� She is far too good for that phony king, Cecil.
Cecil, our oh-so-all-mighty king sits in the back next to Victoria and just barks out orders.� Nobody likes him that much, except maybe the rooks.� He only moves when he feels that he may be threatened, and even then he usually doesn't move very far.� I don't think any of us have ever seen him capture an enemy piece.� You have to admire his situation though.� Our job is to protect him, he gets Victoria as a queen, and he doesn't have to launch himself into the battle.� He is quite the lucky snob, isn't he?
At any rate, those are the members of our team.� We have been through many battles, shared many victories, and been defeated quite a few times.� The story is usually the same.� Luke and Duke jump the front line and dash into battle, with most of us clueless pawns right behind them.� While Cecil stays behind and castles with either Sam or Dan, Ron and Jon slide into the enemy territory in an effort to capture one or two of their pieces.� By this point, most of my fellow pawns are resting on the sidelines, having been sacrificed for the greater good.� Sam and Dan are destroyed, as are Luke and Duke and the bishops.� Sooner or later, it all comes down to Cecil and whoever else is still standing.� And then, when the final moments come to an end, the famous words spoken by our Australian creator when he created the game (I think) are announced.� "CHECKMATE!" Usually at that point, if Cecil is losing, he will just fall to the floor, crying.� It's truly a pathetic sight, but that's the way life is on the black and white.
A lot of interesting things happen during games.� One time, Buddy actually managed to sneak by the enemy's defense and make what we call a "full run."� When he found out that he could become any piece he wanted for the rest of the game, you should have seen his round little head just light up.� Of course, he chose to be a temporary queen.� It's not surprising really; we all would have done the same.� It's the dream of every pawn to become something so much more.� We have a game scheduled tomorrow with some fellows from Africa, which we are looking forward to.� We hear that they have a team not unlike our own, so the whole battle should be most interesting.
At any rate, that's my story.� Now you know all about my team and I. �You should come to one of our games sometime.� Dan says that it can be a bit too sophisticated for some people, but I am sure that if you got to know all of us well enough, you could become a regular member of the team.� (And if Cecil doesn't like it, here is what you can do to really annoy him: sneak up behind him, and push him on his side.� He really hates that!)
