EDUCATION
1996-1999
DA LOW STANDARD
UNIVERSITY
Bachelor of Arts 32 degrees colonel burger in Kentucky's
Bachelor of Science 45 degrees Sergeant in Management of Fishy Intuitions
1992-1996
MAYBE the CAUSE of our PAIN CATHOLIC SPOON
Lowschool Diploma March 1992
AWARDS: Aluminum Medal ( PISO
); TINGGA Medal Awards; Philisophy; Personality (DUMB); Honor
(less) Medal (DOG), Cadence officer of the day (CAT), Leadership
Medal (MOUSE), Service Station ng Shell Award ( ELEPHANT );
Drummer ng panot na ulo ni Mr. Altares (BANDA RITO BANDA ROON). Special
award for feasibility study on the flight of a ladies' choice mayonaisse
bottle; Succeeded in the art of recovering information on tests on Araling
Panlipunan in the CAT office; also successful in being the favorite of
all science teachers; won best news article with " 1 DILIS LINAMON ANG
10 KALALAKIHAN"
VOCATIONAL STUDIES
Summer
1992 ULAGA
VOCATIONAL SCHOOL
Advanced Jupiterian Language
1991 ULAGANG-ULAGA
VOCATIONAL SCHOOL
Martian Hieroglyphics
1990 NAPAKA-ULAGA
VOCATIONAL SCHOOL
Basic Calculator Course
Proficiency With Tetris
1989 PINAKA-ULAGA
VOCATIONAL SCHOOL
Typing on lumpia wraper
Proficiency in lumpia wrapper typing award
WORK EXPERIENCE
2000
CONSULTANT, JURASSIC BANK (Piggy Bank of Calocohan, Batugan. Inc.)
KITCHEN:
Recommends the type, and kind of PUTAHE and SAHOG to prepare and cook.
Recommends the order of washing dishes, caserola, cuviertos, etc.
Recommends the type and volume of merienda and meals to prepare.
MARKEGAGO
Recommends the strategy and costume to be used in the purchase of beef
, chicken and pork.
Recommends the type of chicharon to Promote
Recommends the type of acquired carrots to sell, the rabbits market, and
the price.
TINECHNOLOKO
Train, facilitate and update
employees on septic tank cleanup and management. Recommends the type of
telephone, cable TV, and electric jumpers and other bill evading equipment
to secure, disband, recondition, or sell.
1996-present
SENIOR PARTNER, PauQuiMo Karl Ryan at Nelson Consulting
A partnership together with
Marco Pole-lee, Jason More-rent-tea, Ryan Her-none-days, Karl Ling-god
and Nelson A-key-no.
1997 July - September
BEAUTICIAN TRAINEE, FUNERARIA PAZ
Assisted the Manager of the
PAZ parlor in the facial and makeup works; Learned the various techniques
and beauty secrets for the corpse.
1990 -
1997
DUMB CONSULTANT AND PURCHASING AGENT, PIGGY BANK
Recommends the type of meat
to cook, dress, sleep and dance with. Secures the dancing shoes and
night gowns for the fowls and hogs.
1996 - Present
FALSE PROPHET, LA GAROTENG MANGGUGULANG
Involved in the Purchase and
Sale of ANTING-ANTING, BULONG AT KULAM; Printed on Paper, TAGA SA BATO,
and BASA SA LAWAY. Predicted the end of the pigs in the world.
1993 - 1996
High chair, SANGGUNIANG KATANGAHAN.
Took part in the organization of ARAP and ULAGA Management council.
1996
STUDENT ASSISTANT, COMPUTER SERVICES CENTER - DA LOW STANDARD UNIVERSITY.
Nag kalat ng virus sa mga computer
1993 -
1995
AGENT, PAROHINOG'S BALOT AND PENOY TRADING Co.
Took charge in the purchase
of eggs, retail and development of new eklog and eklog related
products and markets (especially in the Tektite and Ayala trading floors).
EXTRA kulitan ACTIVITIES
1993 -
1997 1995, May 8
MEMBER, EKLATORG (Eklat Organization of Da Low Standard)
Outstanding (Pinatayo sa labas) Member, 2nd Trimester 1894.
1997 FOUNDER,
PAYATOT DIETERS CULT
1997
AVP AREGLO, MATIA (Maraming Atraso Tinakbuhan at Inutangan Association)
ROVING COORDINATOR, LAKAS LAMON OFFICIAL KAIN. (in short mandaraya)
Facilitated the gathering,
transfer and distribution of puto at dinugan and related items like lumpiang
shanghai to the party. (in short dag-dag bawas, bantay salakay.)
SEMINARS ATTENDED
1997, May 23 - 24
PIGGY BANK ASSOCIATION OF
THE PHILIPPINES ANNUAL CONVENTION. PIGGERY La Hotel.
PERSONAL BACKaches.
Born on the bed in the room.
Fluent in Swahili and VIET. Knowledgeable in ABACUS , TONG-ITS, PUSOY (all
versions), PIKO (all versions), SOLITARYO (all versions). Interests: Reading
Current Events in the radio, listening to music (from rock to classical)
from the papers, enjoys desktop publishing on the floor. Great, good, extravagant,
extra-special, unique, intelligent, omnipotent, strong, marvelous, all
knowing, lovable, wealthy and above all, HUMBLE. (hehehe)
OTHER INFO
Food
Ginataang
bayawak with laurel leaves, nilagang sawa,
Pinaupung
paniki,with tar-tar sause.
Hobbies
Rain-dancing
Brushing
Sports
Pataasan
ng ihi, palayuan ng dura
Manghuli
ng langaw, patintero against oncoming traffic ( pagtatawid)
Walkathon
(kasi walang kotse)
Talent
daydreaming,
watching TV
Achievements
Champion butong pakwan speed eating contest.
Rated by Kalbobo na pinakamatalino sa dorm
Favorite color
Green, (hindi dahil taga La Salle
ako >>>-----------> go
archers ! ! ! )
Favorite pen
The one
with a naked woman when you turn it upside down
Favorite animal
Dog (dahil
masarap! -------- kasama)
Favorite bird
Duckling
(baby itik)
Favorite fish
Nilunod
na isda!
Favorite body part
Toes (
cute kasi eh! ) esp. Toe nails
Favorite past time
Maglaro
ng holen,
Mangain
ng but-ulan
Manahi
at mag-ganchillo.
Feeling sa sarili
Gwapo!
(siempre . . . ano pa ba ? )