"And the turtles, of course...all the turtles are free as turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be."
--Dr. Seuss, Yertle the Turtle
"A bird may love a fish, Senore, but where would they live?"
"Then I shall have to make you wings."
"You were born to privilige and with that comes specific obligations."
--Ever After
"The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."
--Mulan
"Do you remember the way it used to feel--when love was only make-believe and fairy tales were real?"
--Remember the Magic
"Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds."
--Albert Einstein
"As if you could kill time without injuring eternity."
--Henry David Thoreau
"Two roads diverged in a wood and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
"I'm a poor underdog, but tonight I will bark with the great Overdog that romps through the dark."
--Robert Frost
"You must receive God well; give Him a loving welcome, for then He has to pay us rent."
--Saint Bernadette Soubirous
"Happy is the house that shelters a friend."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"A nation that destroys the life of an unborn child, who has been created in the image of God, is in a tremendous poverty. People worry all the time about innocent children being killed in wars, but what hope is there in stopping that killing if mothers kill their own children? Every life is precious to God."
"Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what it wants."
"Of course I convert. I convert you to be a better Hindu or a better Muslim or a better Protestant. Once you've found God, it's up to you to decide how to worship Him."
--Mother Teresa
"Life itself is a gift. It's a compliment just being born: to feel, breathe, think, play, dance, sing, work, make love. Let's give thanks for life, for simply being born!"
--Daphne Rose Kingma
"Sincerity is the key. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
--George Burns
"Saying 'I love you' is a conversation, not a message."
--Douglas Stone
"Dance like no one's watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt.
Sing like no one's listening,
Live like it's heaven on earth."
--William Pukey
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you help people, you will be accused of selfish ulterior motives.
Help people anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs.
Fight for some underdogs anyway.
What you spent years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt..
Give the world your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis,
It is between you and God;
It never was between you and them anyway.
--Author Unknown
"Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark."
--Rabindranath Tagore
Makes the Traditional Cry
"Ha-ha, Meghan can't tell the difference between the bathroom and the closet!"
"Well, you should know since you've spent more time there than any of us."
--Doug's retort to Justin's usual smart-ass self
"Nymphs are like fairies, except more sexual."
--Justinne, on one of our weirder days
"Hey, guess whose birthday it's NOT anymore?"
--Catherine, tired of listening to Justin whine on his 19th
"Did you know that Erica got her Libya pierced?"
--Shawn, fortunately on our way out of the Amphora
"Hey, it's our last day of classes. Oh, who the hell cares."
--Justinne reaches a new level of apathy
"If you were an albino, how much would someone have to pay you to become a priest and perform a bondage wedding?"
--Shawn, to, ironically, the Olive Garden's most naive waitress
"There's a squid wearing a vest in the car!"
--Asma's slightly inaccurate Latin translation
"So we were thinking Luke as the middle name and John as the first."
"But then he'd be John Luke Berard."
--Mike and Doug come to a realization about a potential baby name
"SPLEEN!"
-Jenni, on one of several occasions
"Damn straight!"
"Blessed queer!"
--Regan educates Justin with a more politcally correct expletive
"I think Doug needs caution tape around his nipples, knees, and crotch."
--Me, after Doug misses the I-66 exit for the second time
"It's like, I already have a religion, you cheap Planter's peanut, so why can't we just civilly acknowledge each other?"
--Shawn, on religious zealots
"Is it too much to ask for a guy who can just conjugate a f*#@ing verb?!?"
--Justinne, getting frustrated on the dating/stalking scene
"We can wrestle for him!"
"Wrestle whom?"
--Catherine and Justin grow competitive over a mutual love interest
"Oh yeah, 'Justin's ass' is just so tasteless..."
"Really? I thought it had more of a musky flavor."
--I finally realize that Doug and I are on more than a need-to-know basis
"Yeah, I like a girl who can take care of herself...as long as she washes her hands afterward."
--The day Rob killed his last shred of innocence
"You see, drunk people are really killing brain cells, and lower themselves below chimpanzees, which makes them tiger food. That's why they have all the sex, to counter the high mortality rate."
--Shawn presents a new angle on the benefits of sobriety
"DSL...otherwise known as the porn-line."
--Catherine shares her sociological perspective on the impact of technology
"You think with your penis."
"No, actually I think with my testicles. My penis is just the messenger."
--Thanks to Rob, I am finally resolved of a common male sterotype
"So that'll be one order of chicken fingers and four ho's."
--Justin clarifies his dinner order, along with mine and Catherine's "dessert"
"The only aid that would help many people is a tire iron, delivered by a burly linebacker with some mayo and some extra cheese."
--Shawn articulates his ideas on welfare reform
"I have class now.
:o>--<
{terror strikes the heart of Mr. Smiley Face Stick Man}"
--Jenni, soon to be committed, expresses contempt for her academia
"It's snowing! Love, Catherine."
"It melted. Love Catherine."
--Catherine keeps us up to date with Chicago's finicky weather schedule
"Will somebody f*#@ him please?!"
--I have become quite frustrated with Justin's own "frustration"
"What is this, Trivial Pursuit, the retarded edition?"
--Justin doesn't think Doug's hand gestures qualify for his final answer
"Hello and welcome to JMU, I'll be your asshole this evening."
--One of my parking cohorts reaffirms his position in Y-lot, serving up enforcement
"You two need to learn to suck it up."
--Justinne's commentary after being forced to listen to mine and Jason's two-hour discussion on the social implications of "Dharma and Greg"
"Harvey, stop working! Show us how!"
--Harvey's roommates lust after his coveted work ethic
"Excuse me while I bask in my own glory for a moment. <bask>"
--While most most thought it could never be possible, Jason's ego grows larger still
"Geez, she expects us to be, like, Superman or something!"
--Lauren finds aqua-robics just a touch too strenuous for her taste
"You need to lay off the sauce."
--Michael Carter displays his perceptive nature, although I was not actually drinking at the time
"This is becoming a much more global world."
--Jason meticulously hones redundancy down to a fine art
"We have the perfect room. We should moon people when we're bored."
--Justinne broadens her horizon of hobbies
"I'm not dropping my pants for anyone here unless it's an absolute emergency."
"Well, I'm sure there will be many a broken heart in Gifford Hall tonight."
--This one is mine and Jason's; don't ask about the context, it's not worth it
"You don't have any angry energy in you. It kind of fizzles out in a plethora of puppies and old people."
--Justinne is far more observant of my personality quirks than I had previously suspected
"Eat some of that."
--Michael Carter gets vicious while warning me over IM
"I'm not any meaner than you just because I like cats and they're, like, militant..."
--Don't they say that pets frequently resemble they're owners, Justinne?
"Who cares? I get to dance!"
"And I get to lie here without pants!"
--Yet another night passes that Justinne and I haven't gotten enough sleep
"Yeah, but you take pleasure in my...not...goodness."
--Ian attempts to express his ethical concerns with sibling rivalry
"I will continue to vote, whether it be for Republicans, Democrats, the Green Party, or Nudists."
"Nudists?"
"Yeah, no deep pockets and nothing to hide. What more could you ask for?"
--If only we could all embrace Justinne's simple political logic
"That is the gayest thing I've ever seen."
"Really? That's the gayest thing you've ever seen?"
"Yes, that is the gayest thing I've ever seen."
"Well, if it's the gayest thing you've ever seen, shouldn't it be in Gayness Book of World Records?"
--At my travisty of a pun, Jason had no other choice but to flee the vicinity
"I wanted Mug root beer, but the only thing the vending machine had was Pepsi, which is of course, Satan."
--I don't think it was Shawn, but the salt and vinegar chips talking
"Shawn and Regan are going to have the horniest kids."
"Not toward each other, I hope."
--This was less a group consensus than a prayer
"Yeah, well you can jump up my ass."
--You'd think we'd learn to expect these things from Justinne by now. But we never do.
"I'm layin' down the chromosomal groove..."
--Jason integrates a 70s throwback spin with the concept of procreation. Can you dig it?
"Well, I must get back to reading 'Harry Potter.' He's your most prominent competition."
"I'll kick his bespectacled wizard ass if he messes around with you."
--Rob has always been somewhat overprotective of his woman
"Dear Meghan,
Once there was a dog. And then it DIED!
Love, Jason"
--Jason promises to write me inspiring messages while away in D.C.
"If a Canadian leans over the border and spits at you, you get angry and send out the whole airborne division, tanks, nuclear weapons, burn his town flat and retire, that is not a just war."
--My religious ethics professor illustrates the teachings of Saint Augustine with a modern equivalent
"Hey, Happy Valentine's Day! Or as I like to call it, Singles' Awareness Day."
--Two random, very insightful young men outside my dorm
"You hurt me! It hurts to yell at you!"
--Perhaps I was antagonizing Ben, but it's so much fun!
"We'll have lots of fun on the beach."
"Yeah, we can roll burning tires out onto the sand and play 'Militant Palestinian'!"
--Shawn and Rob brainstorm some summer antics
"Ew, french fries just fell out of his crotch!"
--Stacy and I discover the horrific truth behind beloved childhood icon, Ronald McDonald
"Recently some scientists managed to send a beam of light through a tube faster than the speed of light."
"You don't know if that's true. What about human error?"
"What, like they didn't do it on purpose? 'Oh man, I accidentally broke the speed of light, I'm such an ass!'"
--Ben and I debate the unknown dialogues of the scientific method
"F*ck...sh*t...damn...hell...desk...chair...palm tree..."
--Rarely have I seen Jason so enraged that he actually runs out of obscenities
"I'm just going to hug this statue right here."
"Who is it?"
"Pope Pius IX."
"Is he up on a pedestal?"
"Yeah, a really high one, so I can't actually hug him. <To statue> What makes you so special?!"
--Justinne becomes infuriated with the lack of intimacy in the Vatican
"Dear Washington Post,
You are f*#@ing idiots.
Sincerely, Everybody."
--Brent proves that the most artistic editorials can be written under the influence
"Hey! How come you're interrupting our kissing, but not Doug and Jenni's?"
"Because Doug is bigger than me."
--Shawn explains to Rob that sometimes his strategies for irritation do have rationale
"I'm sure I'll do good on my SATs."
"You mean you'll do well?"
"Oh, MAN!"
"There goes the verbal section."
--Ian learns he must begin his studies with practical application
"Of course Jesus is everywhere. Except in Harrisonburg."
"True. If Jesus were in Harrisonburg, we'd at least have a Bennigan's."
--Because Ian and I know the Blarney Blast was His idea
"Yeah, Alicia's getting a half a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich with a candle in it for her birthday. I'll just tell her, 'Times is rough, girlfriend.'"
--Jennifer brings new meaning to "poor college student"
"Meghan, do you have any friends that don't make fun of you?"
--Catherine's astute observation enlightens me to my social awkwardness
"Psychology is such a B.S. degree."
--Jennifer's award-winning academic pun. Bravo, Jenn. Bravo.
"What time is it?"
"Nine after."
"That's a long time!"
"It's not that long."
"Sure it is...nine out of, what, 75 minutes in the class? If I said I had 9/75ths of all the money in the world, you'd be like, 'Whoa, you're rich!'"
--My religious ethics class discusses the relativity of the 15-minute rule
"Wow, our evil twins are all friends?!"
--In only the happiest of alternate universes, Jenni
(After considering the two signs at at McGlade's beachfront restaurant, "No Smoking" and "Do not feed the birds")
"Damn, and I was going to feed the birds cigarettes."
--Ian continues in his quest for rebellious irony
"Oh, I'm so excited! Just what will I take pictures of?!"
"Um, us...parts of the boat...us with parts of the boat...the boat..."
--Rob, kind enough to remind me of our obvious photographic environment on the cruise ship
"The fact you consider that logic makes me want to bay at the moon."
--Despite being illogical, I would still pay to see that, Jason
"You're more fun than a clown on fire."
--Thanks, Rob...I think
"It's just a virtual clusterf*#@ of massage!"
--And if we ever do go professional, Carson will not be in charge of marketing
"Yeah, it's difficult to reject guys like that. You just have to give them the look that says, 'Yes, you are alive. But so what?'"
--Thanks to Catherine's well-worded advice, we learn that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of pathetic groupies
"And Doug enters the constipated Lotus position..."
--Justin has henceforth been banned from all commentary during our "Twister" sessions
"So...you like curtains?"
--Because window treatments don't have near the acronyms of the computer trade
"Of course you have to take into account the viscosity of the water."
"Well, thank you, Mr. Big-Word."
"JUXTAPOSITION!"
--We are thankful that at the very least, Carson has Tourette's Sydrome of a diverse vocabulary
"I'm sorry, Andrew."
"Yeah, well saying sorry doesn't put the little Triscuit cracker on He-Man's tongue."
--My roommate foreshadows many random conversations for the coming year
"Yeah, I went to the Library of Congress. I saw a statue of James Madison. He really was a short little ugly man."
"He wasn't that ugly. I mean, Andrew Jackson...yikes."
--Justinne puts my shallow opinion into perspective
"Mary, sex isn't going to drive away all your problems."
"Yes it is. That and alcohol and money."
--It is obvious that Mary has truly embraced her social work principles
"Will you both just f*#@ing climb into a coffin?"
--Justinne forfeits subtlety for the greater good of telling off me and Jason; a worthy cause
"Romania is an example of a second-world country."
"A second-world country? Like, they're no America, but they're doin' all right?"
--Katie attempts to illustrate the concept with a somwhat ethnocentric perspective
"It's a change purse by day and a vagina by night!"
--Andrew has always been adept at discovering multi-functional items
"Fruition is such a pretty word...like suicide."
--Who are we to ever understand the mind of Justinne?
"Wal-mart...24-hour bureaucracy."
--That's the consensus from my Macro Social Work class, but I still like to think of it as convenience
"While reading this case, it seemed very relevant that this sucks."
--Judy's first draft of her case assessment; thank goodness for editing
After reading our apartment limitations of a maximum occupancy of 25, no grills, and no pets.
"You've got to try to break them all at once. Have the 26th guy barbecuing your pet hamster."
--Ian remains the efficient rebel